I’m sure most of us help our friends whenever they’re struggling, but that’s not always possible. Sadly, instead of taking no for an answer and respecting our boundaries, some people will try to exploit us, using our friendship as an argument to pressure us into compliance. A story from r/LegalAdvice shows just how extreme this can get.
The 19-year-old who posted it refused a 25-year-old friend’s request to stay over. However, when the teen returned home, she found the woman already there, scattering her belongings as if she owned the place.
Unannounced visitors can seriously test our patience
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But what about unannounced roommates?
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It can be difficult to spot manipulators before they enter your life
It would be a mistake to say that the author of the post is responsible for allowing such a person into her life. “Manipulators are difficult to spot because their tactics are rooted in interpersonal dynamics and hard to objectively define,” says licensed professional counselor Jamie Cannon, who specializes in treating trauma, anxiety, and grief.
“Are they saying they love you because they want something from you, or because they really mean it? Do they discount your feelings because they believe you have to feel the way they want you to feel, or because they lack emotional awareness? Trying to pin down a manipulator is incredibly difficult. Their methods are easily concealed and never cut and dried.”
If you are generally trusting of others, it may be hard for you to recognize manipulation when it occurs in your life. But if someone regularly skews situations to make themselves the victim, never takes accountability for their actions affecting you, or if their actions don’t match their words, chances are, you’re being manipulated.
This and other similar situations can be incredibly tricky. “Engaging with a chronic manipulator never ends well; potential outcomes usually include your exhaustion, your walking away, or their success at, once again, exerting power and control over you,” Cannon explains.
According to her, setting firm, clear boundaries is crucial if you want to protect yourself as much as possible. “You cannot make a chronic manipulator change their behaviors, but you can certainly control how you respond to them.”
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Evicting unwanted roommates can be a drag
Ann O’Connell, who earned her J.D. from UC Berkeley Law, has passed the bar exams in California, Nevada, and Colorado, where she is both an active attorney and a real estate broker. She says that in some areas, unauthorized roommates (and even guests who overstay their welcome) might become legal tenants (even when they don’t sign a lease or rental agreement), simply by virtue of the length of their stay. So, in case you end up in court having to formally evict your roommate, it’s a good idea to keep records of each step you take in the process of removing them.
In this kind of a situation, “your absolute first step … is to have a conversation with them,” O’Connell explains. “Try to work out a timeline by which they’ll move out. If they resist the idea of leaving, point out that it’s easier on you both if they move out without involving the landlord or judicial process.”
“If you can’t reach an agreement with your unwanted roommate, it’s time to take steps to evict them.”
Most landlords require all adults living in a rental to sign the lease or rental agreement. Furthermore, most leases and rental agreements explicitly prohibit non-signers from living in the rental, and limit the number of days that guests may stay at the property. However, remain cautious: if your lease or rental agreement contains similar provisions, your landlord also likely has the right to terminate your tenancy (and possibly evict you) for bringing in an unauthorized roommate.
“Most leases will simply ban extended stay guests, but won’t give you guidance about how to deal with them,” O’Connell says.
If your unwanted roommate ignores your notice and remains in the rental, you might have to file an eviction lawsuit. “In general, the procedures for evicting a resident who isn’t a party to the lease or rental agreement will be the same as those for official tenants, but your state or local laws might be an exception,” she adds.
“A local landlord-tenant attorney can help you navigate how to proceed in your area’s courts. If you can’t afford an attorney, check with the court to find out if there are low-cost or free clinics or assistance for renters.”
People had a lot to say about what had been happening
The day after her post, the teen issued an update
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People weren’t sure about the way the teen was handling the situation
In the end, it seems that everything worked out
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Image credits: crazyb***htenant
People were just glad to hear no one was harmed
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