Human mortality has caused us anguish as far back as we have written history. After all, the Epic of Gilgamesh is largely about dealing with the passing of Gilgamesh’s best buddy. But that doesn’t mean that humans treat danger as seriously as they should.
Someone asked the internet to share the dumbest stories of how someone passed and netizens did just that. Be warned, dumb can be funny, but a few of these tales are also pretty morbid. Otherwise, get comfortable as you scroll through, upvote your favorites and be sure to share your own experiences below.
#1
Went to college with a guy who got sepsis from licking a mystery liquid while doing urban exploration in an old hospital. We weren’t friends but he was in one of my classes and it was not surprising that he passed away from something stupid.
Image source: bachelorsinlurking, Meruyert Gonullu / Pexels (not the actual photo)
#2
My firefighter uncle passed away from a tooth pick getting stuck in his throat after taking a bite of a sandwich.
Image source: bluehonolulu76, Sergey Meshkov / Pexels (not the actual photo)
#3
My moms cousin was dating the dumbest person we’d ever met.
He is actually in the Darwin awards. He’s the guy who smoked inside the firework warehouse he worked at because it was raining outside. Blew up the warehouse and was gone.
Image source: Bippityboppitynope2, Joseph Chan / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#4
I don’t think it was dumb, but it was definitely a freak accident. Relatively new dad went golfing with his buddies on a Sunday morning. He missed a shot and hit his club against a rock in mock anger. It broke. Broken club flew up in his carotid artery. He was gone by that night.
Image source: Critical_Cat_8162, Courtney Cook / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#5
Coworker years ago. Power was shut off due to lack of payment. He bypassed the shut off on the house so electrical company shut the power off at the transformer on the pole. He backed his pickup truck with a picnic table in the box to the pole. Set up a ladder on the table and use the garden rake to attempt to turn the power on. Might have been safer to pay the electric bill.
Image source: chiefoshkosh, Seiya Maeda / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#6
I knew a guy who got hit by a train because he had his headphones on and didn’t hear it coming. Unfortunatelly noise cancellation is really good.
Image source: Sweet_Tip_6887, Anirudh / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#7
Dropped a frozen turkey into a deep fryer in his garage.
Image source: kittenshart85, Karyna Panchenko / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#8
Never actually met the guy, but he was my sister in law’s ex husband. He went out drinking with his new wife. He was too drunk to drive so she drove them home. He was passed out and too drunk for her to get him out of the car so she left him there and went inside. She fell asleep (I think she was pretty drunk, too). He froze.
Image source: SignificantArtHeist, Oleg / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#9
Went kayaking while drunk. Without a life jacket. Dude couldn’t swim.
Image source: Jayn_Newell, Getty Images
#10
Caught a rare disease from their pet rat. Sad and weird and came totally out of nowhere. Now I flinch if someone I know gets a pet rat.
Image source: Singular_Lens_37, slyfox photography / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#11
I work in cancer care, and the answer is always “I’ve decided to go an alternate route.”
We can’t stop them. But that alternative route always ends one of two ways. We receive a notice that they’ve passed away, or they come back and instead of stage 1 or 2 (highly treatable for most cancers), they are now stage 4 with metastases with limited options and possibly only palliative or hospice options.
Recently had a patient I liked who disappeared for a couple years because she was “going to try holistic instead.” She came back when she was in terrible pain. The previously easy to treat cancer had spread to her bones, causing fractures, and just… everywhere else. All we could offer was palliative. She passed away a few months later.
Image source: Late_Resource_1653, National Cancer Institute / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#12
A friend from high school was a cave diver and diving instructor. Various cave diving sites have different suggested levels of certification to safely dive. On his last day, he and a friend were in a dive shop discussing the dive they were planning. Someone in the shop who knew him pointed out that neither he nor his friend had reached the level of certification for that cave. His last known words as he left the shop were something like, “There’s no such thing as dive police.”
Their bodies were recovered a few days later. He left a wife and two small children.
Image source: Logical-Recognition3, Simon PALLARD / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#13
My uncle survived throat cancer. He passed away not even a month after being cleared by choking on pizza crust. He had a hard time swallowing after having a trache for so long.
Image source: chickynuggeee, amirali mirhashemian / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#14
One of my patients thought that if you strained antifreeze thru wonderbread it was safe to drink.
Image source: Psychological_Song48, Robert Laursoo / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#15
Guy I knew who was really athletic and our HS team running back tried to race our other two friends who were both overweight in a swimming race at a lake. Everyone was s***faced. The athletic dude actually tired out and drowned. It was so sad and a waste. The two fat guys didn’t.
Image source: ShaunyP_OKC, Olivia Hutcherson / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#16
My cousin’s first husband was attempting to change the tire on the family van that morning. The jack he used didn’t hold while he was under the vehicle.
Always use a cinder block or something else actually stable before getting underneath a vehicle. He was a really good guy and left behind some children who are now adults. They deserved to have their dad growing up.
Image source: tyedyehippy, Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#17
About 25 years ago, our friend’s uncle d**d: choking on a hotdog, alone in his hotel room. Not embarrassing, BUT the dramatic way my friend was sobbing and yelled at us through tears “my uncle was so f*****g successful, did so much for this country! But everyone will remember he CHOKED ON A HOTDOG … FOREVER!!”
I’ve told that story so many times – that I guess she’s right.
Image source: Disastrous-Pie6408, Elisabeth Jurenka / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#18
Someone in my family was in a wheelchair, an elderly person. A garbage truck backed up on him in an alley. He didn’t d*e from the shock, his wheelchair was only knocked over, the driver stopped in time to avoid the worst. He d**d of an heart attack before the ambulance could reach him. Literally d**d of fear.
Image source: KoldPurchase, Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#19
Thought it was a good idea to go swimming in the canals of Amsterdam while drunk, and in winter.
Image source: pickindim_kmet, Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#20
I had an elderly great-uncle that had a heart attack while in bed with an adult worker. His wife went scorched earth on Facebook and then gleefully spent all his money.
Image source: Periwinklepanda_, Jp Valery / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#21
Tried to rob a d**g dealer with an airsoft gun.
Image source: JumboDakotaSmoke, Emil Kalibradov / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#22
A guy in high-school (my best friends boyfriend)
He was fixing his car in the garage and my friend went over and found him. His Mom was home, and when my friend went over, his mom let her through the house and said, hes just in the garage, go on through. It was a very cold night and he closed the garage door. He was under the car when she found him.
This was 40 yrs ago, we were 17. At that point i had never learned not to close your garage door with the engine on.
Image source: JeannieGo, Eddie Jones
#23
Hit a train at a gate crossing in a sports car. Not the front of the train, the side of the train. In daylight, clear weather, no ice. Guy was a mechanic with his brand new dream car.
Image source: n00bca1e99, Tyler H
#24
He didn’t d*e, but my husband’s uncle decided it was a good idea to climb a metal ladder in the middle of a storm. The wind blew the ladder onto a power line. The current entered through one arm and exited through the opposite leg. He lost that arm and leg. From then on, he was known as my husband’s half uncle.
Image source: funkoramma
#25
Kid in high school I knew got partially paralyzed when ejected from his car driving stupid with no seat belt. Worked on physical therapy and whatnot for a while, dad bought him a new SUV converted for him to drive it while still partially paralyzed. Drove stupid again with no seat belt and ejected again when he crashed, but that time he d**d.
Image source: shaolin_tech, Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#26
Doctors son, typical rich kid. He got a brand new high performance car for his 16th birthday. He was a menace. Burning rubber around the school parking lot. Kids that were his friends even refused to ride with him. That was how reckless he was. Wrapped the car around an oak tree driving to school one day. Had the car maybe six months. Thankfully only he was gone.
Image source: Sternakseesall
#27
I had a girl who used to work for me that I eventually had to fire because she was pathologically incapable of not inserting herself into drama. She would continuously insert herself into the middle of any argument or disagreement and fan the flames wildly. She moved 2 states away and was k****d in a drive-by by local gang members because of some drama at work she involved herself in.
Edit to add another I just thought of that u/future_speedbump made me think of. A manager at another store in our district told an employee trying to call out with COVID that she had to come to work. She did, the entire management staff got sick. He d**d in the hospital 3 days after showing symptoms.
Image source: ProfessionalLeave335, Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#28
Two middle schoolers were building a tunnel. They were a year ahead of me. It collapsed, one of them managed to wriggle out, but he couldn’t dig out his best friend.
Horrible guilt. Don’t dig tunnels unless you went to Colorado school of mines, my friends.
Image source: Zanctmao, Yosuke Ota / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#29
School ended, did a burnout at the school parking lot. Sped onto the country road, lost control and drove into a ditch going like 50-60 mph.
Image source: Woalolol, iStrfry , Marcus / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#30
My mum d**d after rolling her mobility scooter.
In other news, don’t get a three wheel mobility scooter.
Image source: birdonthewire76, Annie Spratt / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#31
I didn’t technically know him, but a friend of mine’s neighbor came home drunk, passed out in his front yard, and drowned in his kids’ kiddie pool. His wife found him the next morning..
Image source: InevitableAd9683, Christine Tutunjian / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#32
Coworker d**d tripping on his own dog leash.
Image source: Harden_Doneski, Tug Pet Products / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#33
Engine antifreeze drinking contest. Yes you read that right. One d**d, one pretty messed up.
Image source: phunkyunkle
#34
Not me, but one person removed.
A friend went to highschool with the first person k****d by an alligator in the state of Texas in something like 80 years.
His last words were “F**k that Gator!”
Image source: Cronenbergnate
#35
Went off the marked path in a park and fell off a cliff.
Image source: Joyful82
#36
A guy I went to HS with bragged that he refused to approve sick days for his employees to get the Covid vaccine (The “Biden P***k,” as he called it).
He d**d from Covid in 2022. My sympathies were…limited.
Image source: future_speedbump
#37
One of my great uncles (mom’s dad’s brother) was a bad alcoholic, and was the type to get really angry when he was drunk. One night he got into an argument with his wife over.. the furniture? He went out to the shed to get his chainsaw and just started chopping s**t up. In the midst of his blind/drunken rage, the chainsaw bounced against something and went straight into his throat, nearly cut his head clean off
This happened long before I was born but my mom always told me about it as to why alcohol is dangerous and it’s always stuck with me.
Image source: RMoby6160
#38
There was a young woman I worked with, who by total coincidence was my next door neighbor a few years later. Her boyfriend d**d in a freak accident in the mountains of Utah. A few months after his d***h, she went to those same mountains to spread his ashes. She fell to her d***h while emptying the urn.
Image source: fendaar
#39
Ran across the train tracks in front of his girlfriend to get a lighter.
Image source: ohwhatisfreeasaname
#40
Country club golf pro degenerate gambler and raging alcoholic drowned in the water hazard after driving into it.
Image source: DocHolidayiN
#41
Deliberately caught COVID to prove it was harmless; d**d of COVID.
Image source: Longjumping_Care989
#42
Got drunk, had a handgun, and got into one of those “oh you don’t think I will???” arguments with his cousin.
Image source: J_A_Slade
#43
I have two:
First was a guy who loved to decorate elaborately for Christmas. He was hanging decorations in his bathroom and stood on the toilet. Somehow he slipped off, hit his head on the sink and d**d.
Second was a former client. He was a white collar guy with a vacation home in a rural part of Michigan. He went up there alone to have focused quite time. There was a big storm and a tree fell across his driveway. This was a long driveway surrounded by forest off the main road. He decides he can use a chainsaw and chop up the tree because he was expecting a FedEx delivery later that day and for whatever reason wanted the delivery to make it all the way up to the house.
He had no business trying to use a chainsaw but he fired it up. The rest is speculation because there was no witness. But what we think happened was he was trying to cut up the fallen tree and the chainsaw kicked back and decapitated him. Right there in the driveway. FedEx driver found him a couple hours afterwards. I’ve always thought about that d**n FedEx guy coming upon that scene…
Image source: IndyGrl2019
#44
My dad was 3/4 of a yr sober for the first time in my entire life (mid-20s at time), and decided to drink in celebration of the fact he just got a new apt, and also just got his license (and job) back.
When he chose to sober up, he had a massive heart attack and d**d on the spot. Half an uneaten ham sandwich on the counter.
Image source: Bobs_Burgers7
#45
Dude went to the hospital for something, don’t exactly remember what it was (maybe heart related, maybe early stages OD), docs treated him for like a week in hospital, told him he needed to stop drinking and doing d***s immediately and completely or he would d*e.
Dude is released from hospital, goes to a party that night, does d***s and drinks, d**s that night.
Image source: zombiifissh
#46
Friends kid just recently dove from a bridge during a 1000 year flood. They didn’t find his body for days. High schooler with his whole life in front of him.
Image source: Moron-Whisperer
#47
Ran into his yard to catch his cat that ran out the backdoor. Stepped on something. Two weeks later, feeling really bad and going to the hospital and d***g of tetanus infection.
OK, not “dumb” but he was an immigrant and maybe didn’t have up to date tetanus vaccination. The situation is dumb, not the guy. All he thought was “dammit, I stepped on some nail or something, slapped a bandaid on it and went on with life, then d**d.
Image source: ClownfishSoup
#48
Had an uncle d*e from stubbing his pinkie toe really bad. He refused to go to a Dr, it turned infected then septic.
Image source: Low_Section2065
#49
Coworker. Married her boyfriend of 20 years in October of 2020. Big traditional redneck wedding with a buffet. I was one of the few who masked and didn’t eat.
She predictably caught Covid, hospitalized in November, d**d by Thanksgiving. I had a lot of guilt and shame for going in the first place.
Image source: Swoleman6767
#50
A high school classmate burglarized a house while its owners were at church. He stole some guns and sporting equipment, then tripped on the steps on the way out and stabbed himself in the stomach with an arrow. He pulled out the arrow and made it back to his pickup truck, but bled out a half-mile from the house he’d robbed.
Image source: SmittenTurtleDryer
#51
Had a friend a couple decades back who got wasted on a few different substances and then decided to take a nice, speedy drive down the freeway. In a Miata. She flipped it and became a meat crayon.
Image source: sqwrlydoom
#52
Trying to beat a train across the tracks in his car.
Image source: PogoPogoTX
#53
Stole a motorbike and immediately crashed it in to a tree.
Image source: Salt-Secretary-1496
#54
Never slowed down in his speed boat no matter how choppy the water was. Took the wrong wave at 80+ MPH, was gone by the time the boat stopped rolling.
Image source: Dependent_Seaweed522
#55
They went river rafting in a flash flood zone. That ran in the middle of our school.
We found the raft with no one in it a few miles down river.
Bodies were recovered some time after:/ hardly knew the kids but they made it to the 7th grade.
Image source: BusyBunny9
#56
I knew a guy who d**d choking on peanut butter.
Image source: katrilli
#57
Tried to inhale helium off the tank at a 5 year olds birthday party so he could make funny voices. Exploded his lungs in front of twenty 5 year olds and d**d.
Image source: poormansyachtclub
#58
Complained of feeling really bad for several days but drank four pitchers of margaritas one night and was found d**d in his big rig fifty miles away the next day by the DPS (highway patrol).
Image source: DefiantSubject5228
#59
The town pool where I grew up is built around a natural spring pond so even off season it is mostly full of water. A kid in my year in high school was goofing around with friends late one night in the middle of winter. He wanted to do something funny to impress the girls in the group. While wearing multiple heavy warm layers of clothing, he jumped into the deep end of the pond. He had no idea how to swim and promptly drowned.
Image source: DeaddyRuxpin
#60
By crawling under a house during a freeze to thaw what he thought was the water line with a blowtorch. It was the gas line.
Image source: ProfessorLake
#61
Sat on a glass coffee table. Big shard of glass right up the wazoo, severing everything in its path. Multi-organ failure, massive bleed-out.
Image source: CarpenterAdorable847
#62
Huffing canned air in the parking lot of the store they stole/bought it from. I say stole/bought because she had a tendency to steal it and I don’t remember if she bought or stole this one.
Image source: Global_Addendum_6200
#63
Kid I kinda knew in high school was at the south end of a northbound platform on the subway. He poked his head around the corner to see if the train was coming. It was and pretty much took his head clean off.
Image source: Used-Gas-6525
#64
On a first date, walking on the roof of an apartment building and tried to jump across the next one, but tripped and fell 5 stories.
Image source: chesquayne
#65
Choked on a mini muffin.
Image source: millipede0778
#66
Guy decided to climb up high tension power lines. Got pretty high up and decided it would be fun to pee off the tower. The power lines arced to his urine stream and he was electrocuted. Ouch.
Image source: jekbpn9359
#67
Drinking on a balcony with mates. Had more beers in the apartment next door. Balconies were not right next to eachother, but linked by a metal bar between the railings. He went next door to get more beers, and in order to save himself a few seconds then tried to balance across the metal bar carrying a case of beers. He didn’t make it and fell 5 stories to his d***h.
Image source: bitchyturtlewhispers
#68
High school.
Slid down the stairs on a mattress.
Crashed into the glass panels on the side of the front door.
Severed artery under armpit.
Bled to d***h.
Image source: Hairy-Emu-7517
#69
Carbon p*******g. Classmate working on truck with his dad, shut the garage door due to rain and both suffocated inside.
Image source: LividRanger7492
#70
At a high school party this kid saw one of his friends leaving and thought he’d be funny to jump out in front of the vehicle to scare the driver. He got hit and d**d.
Image source: PogoPogoTX
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