When people walk down the aisle, they never want to think about the possibility of their marriage coming to an end. After all, we all think we’re the exception, and that love will persevere. In the end, we do make vows to stay together for a lifetime.
But sometimes, the universe, God, or whatever you might call it has a funny way of working. Because no matter what you do or how much hard work you put in, some relationships just don’t work out. So, we’ve picked a selection of stories from people who went through irreconcilable divorces and shared on r/AskReddit why their marriages ultimately didn’t work out, and these were their testimonies.
#1
He always behaved as if he was the most important person in the relationship, but I didn’t realize how much he believed that until, when I found out he was cheating, he actually floated the idea of having his mistress and her family come live in our house as one big happy family. Obviously I wasn’t going there.
Image source: bonnyleas, DC Studio
#2
I had a friend over that I haven’t seen in a long time. I was laughing and having a good time.
My daughter was around 6 years old. She stopped me as I was laughing and asked “ That’s what you sound like when you laugh?”
I realized my kids haven’t seen me happy.
I wanted them to see me happy.
Image source: passthatmary, magnific
#3
When she got another credit card, five years after single handedly putting us through bankruptcy hell and swearing to never touch another credit card. She went back to spending money we didn’t have, and I realized that I would never be able to retire if she kept spending money we should be saving.
Image source: lucky_ducker, Frolopiaton Palm
Divorce isn’t rare. For decades, the rule of thumb was that “50% of all marriages end in divorce,” but today’s numbers suggest that isn’t necessarily the case anymore. According to recent statistics, around 40% to 42% of marriages in the United States end in divorce. While that’s still a significant number, it actually represents a 35% decline from 1980.
And this is due to a number of factors. For starters, people approach relationships differently. Whereas marriage was once an expected adult milestone for nearly everyone, today, it’s often something people pursue after building their own independence and lives. The pressure still exists, but it isn’t as prominent, and staying in an incompatible relationship is no longer the standard expectation.
#4
She developed bipolar. Realised it couldnt be fixed once she became delusional and refused to believe she had a serious mental illness. .
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#5
Him chasing his dreams since we were dating — school, jobs, etc. — and once it was my turn to chase mine (after 5 kids and going to college at 29 and pregnant), he never took a step back to support me while I also carried a full time job, our kids and our home. He traveled overseas constantly for work so I was always the default parent. Whenever he would come back from travel, he was always so critical of the state of our home. Once I started realizing, “well I already do all of this alone, I may as well be” then that was the end.
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#6
I didn’t want my girls to think it was ok for a grown man to act the way that he did. I didn’t want them to see me carrying the entire weight of a household financially and mentally and think that it was normal. I didn’t want him taking credit and calling my successes “our successes” anymore when he did nothing to help.
Edit- As a single mom, nothing has changed as far as my financial/mental load from when I was married. It’s just that now I get credit for “doing it all” and being a strong single mom vs someone that’s being dragged down by a man child.
Image source: Caitlincentanni, benzoix
But of course, that’s not all. Nowadays, people start their adult lives later than they did 35 years ago. Millennials and Gen Z enter the workforce later, buy their first homes later, and become financially stable much later. Because of this, many specialists say the trend is also reflected in marriage and divorce statistics.
Because they start their lives on a different timeline than previous generations, largely due to economic and societal changes, younger generations also tend to get married later. By the time they choose to marry, they may be more financially stable and emotionally mature, which could contribute to lower divorce rates by reducing financial pressure.
#7
We had a large difference in income with him making significantly more. He never allowed me to be involved in major financial decisions and made large purchases without telling me. Because in his words “it’s all his money anyway”. After he bought a fancy sports car he called me on the drive home to mention that he “realized he could have had 3 of these by now if he hadn’t married me”
I said congrats, you don’t have to be married to me anymore.
Image source: Elegant-Salamander11, mark2eko
#8
My husband and I made agreements on division of labor but 10 years later I was working way more hours outside the home and still doing all of the shopping, cooking, and cleaning. The final straw was when my parents and brother had a crisis going on and I needed to travel frequently back home. I was working 40 hours, driving back and forth across states, and the expectation that I would run the house not only didn’t change but he got angry at me for not taking good enough care of him. I realized in that moment that this man would bleed me dry for himself until there was nothing left if I allowed it. It’s been 8 years since the divorce and I am so, so happy with my decision.
Image source: FellowHuman1104, senivpetro
#9
Son had seizures and needed medication and ex refused.He wanted to pray the seizures away and took son to several tent meetings. I filed for a divorce and after took him to the doctor.
Image source: Ok_Chest_6426, Stockbusters
#10
He said something that proved that my health was irrelevant as long as he wasn’t bothered.
If you can say something like that after 25 years of marriage and two kids, the marriage does not need counseling, it is done.
And yes, he was Shocked! and Surprised! when I told him I was done.
Image source: LadyAlexTheDeviant, stefamerpik
Curiously, statistics also show that roughly 40% of first marriages end in divorce within the first decade. And while many younger people have their lives established before marriage, that’s not true for everyone. And partly, it’s because relationships often go through what’s known as the “seven-year itch.”
Theorists have suggested that adult development occurs in six- to eight-year blocks. These individual changes can gradually affect a relationship as partners go through developmental shifts, causing the needs they had early in the relationship to no longer make sense. What they craved at the beginning may no longer fit their current goals, which can lead to arguments, frustration, and, eventually, a divorce.
#11
He said that he didn’t think he should have to have a job bc he was an artist. That and he asked why I was still upset a week after I got punched in the face while being mugged. Filed for divorce a few weeks after that one. Best choice yet! .
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#12
I had a stress-induced heart attack caused by his affair. Two days after getting home from the hospital he brought her to our home and she spent the night.
Image source: Different_Impact_214, Drazen Zigic
#13
Financial betrayal. He was generally a nice guy, the type that everyone loved. He was nice to me too. And he lied about alot of things that he didn’t need to lie about. During the divorce process, he was not the same person I married. Total 180 degree personality shift.
Image source: SoupCareful6301, stockking
#14
She never actually found me attractive. Even at the very beginning. Once we got into couples counseling at the end she said it was never actually there. She thought it would come with time.
That was tough to hear. But also a relief. I could finally stop trying so hard to earn her love and attraction back.
Image source: MoveOn22, rawpixel.com
#15
Lack of communication and respect. Complained constantly that I wasn’t doing chores around the house that she wanted done while I was working 60+ hours a week and she did nothing.
Image source: No-Compote-696, stefamerpik
#16
Had an accident cleaning the yard while she was eating lunch. I broke my leg, almost kicked the bucket and needed emergency surgery. She went with me in the ambulance reluctantly but left me alone in emergency after an hour because she was hungry. Went home and went to work the next day though I got a text in the morning to ask how I was doing. Nothing says the relationship is over like being left alone in the hospital.
Image source: renegadeshake, senivpetro
#17
Never-ending complaints despite living a lifestyle that most would be envious of. Narcissistic to the point of never recognizing any of my contributions. Complained about everyone and was cold to people. Ended up having to always excuse their behavior to people. Unable to show affection unless prompted to.
Eventually when I was on a dream vacation in Hawaii that was ruined because of being with them…I realized I’d never be able to escape them even in paradise. That it was more a prison sentence than a marriage. I have far less money than before, but I am far happier and looking forward to the future again ☺️.
Image source: Kateykat1234, user25451090
#18
Lacked ambition.
Didn’t care to take care of himself physically, didn’t want to progress in his career. Held a lot of things over my head by doing what he should be doing as a parent and partner. Violated my privacy constantly, and I was “cheating” on him nonstop apparently. Constantly felt like I was walking on eggshells being in the same household as him.
I realized that it would take more work than I was willing to put into a relationship and I would simply be trying to change him as a person. People only change on their own, IF they want to.
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#19
Ex-wife is a medical professional, but she is also bipolar. She said she could handle it without medication. But that meant I was the punching bag for everything including minor inconveniences. I dealt with it for years and years, always walking on eggshells. Always trying to judge her mood above my own thoughts, wants, or needs. Once our youngest turned 18, I stopped caring as much. I just let her have her episodes and went on about my day. This pissed her off even more. She is also a narcissist (by my diagnosis). Always wanting to control everything. So I got sick and tried of her constantly needing attention but also constantly treating me like dirt. So I started cheating. Turns out there are people that will listen to you. She knew something was up when I just didn’t bother trying to feed her constant bs and found out I was cheating. So I decided to let that be what ended us. But she didn’t want it to be over cause she was losing control of me. And I didn’t care anymore.
Image source: SirTimDunn, kues1
#20
He was incredibly emotionally unavailable. At one point, I told him, “I need you to go therapy and try. I can’t keep doing this and this is my line in the sand. I don’t think I can stay in this marriage if you can’t try and work through some of these issues.” He told me he wouldn’t do it.
We tried for about three or four more months, but never really recovered from his unwillingness to do something that I understand was uncomfortable but not a huge sacrifice. I ended up moving into another bedroom because I was tired of feeling alone sleeping next to someone and he didn’t seem to care. Things were done pretty quickly after that.
Image source: SureCan0604, katemangostar
#21
My ex wife had zero ability to handle conflict with me, the kids, and our families. She would shut down and make everyone miserable everytime anything didnt go the way she envisioned. It got really old.
Image source: Agreeable_Mousse2850, Grinvalds
#22
She did not want to address any of the problems we had that led to our separation and her almost emotionally cheating on me. She decided if we could not go back to pre-Separation we would be done. I decided not to go back to a broken relationship and walked away, ended up being the best decision I have ever made.
Image source: tarlack, Drazen Zigic
#23
When I was seriously contemplating when he would be gone. I kept thinking “I’ll have a few good years left after he’s gone, I just have to wait 30ish years.”
Reassessed that insane thought process and decided “just leave now.”
This is after years of all the little resentments that add up to neither one of us liking, let alone loving, one another. In retrospect, the marriage was over on the honeymoon when lies were revealed, wasted 7 years before finally declaring time of passing.
Image source: Guilty_Jellyfish8165, magnific
#24
Husband went off meds for 5 years ended up having a mental health crisis that cost me my career and feels like he was wronged in the whole ordeal.
Image source: Significant_Dare_204, Drazen Zigic
#25
He was gay and lied about it. I didn’t sign up for a lavender marriage.
Image source: ZeldaSeverous, pch.vector
#26
Had two different marriage counselors (kind of) that we would have weekly sessions with. One was a single woman, the other was a married couple that mentored my ex in business. He did not care what the one woman thought of him at all, so when I brought up a case that he had blatantly lied and manipulated me, he fully admitted to it and said he didn’t regret it because it got me to do what he wanted.
I was still very bothered when we met for the next session with the married couple, so I brought it up to talk about again. This jerk completely back tracked, suddenly he never lied according to him and I had it all wrong.
There were so sooo many things before that moment, many of them worse, but that was the moment that I knew I had given it my best shot and that he was never going to do the work to be an actual partner to me and it would always be about how he looked to others from the outside.
Image source: Winter_Honeydew8573, Drazen Zigic
#27
Not me but my stepdaughter caught him cheating she threw his phone at him (didn’t hit him) and he had her arrested. That did after 24 years of marriage.
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#28
She was never happy, ever. Conflict was her Modus Operandi… I am very, very conflict avoidant, as in, if I’m standing near people who even begin to have an argument or disagreement, I HATE, HATE, HATE conflict, especially when its manufactured.
We did a trial separation and she ended up pregnant from another guy less that 3 months into it. That was the final nail in the coffin.
I’m now remarried to an amazing woman and I’ve literally never been happier. I have a much healthier relationship with conflict now, and I’m trying to improve it every day.
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#29
Her control and anger issues became unmanageable. She was actively unpleasant to be around.
#30
One evening, I heard my then wife on the phone with one of her friends. “Hello! I’m so sorry I missed your call. How are you? “And after the call she ended it with “Have a good night, stay safe”.
It was at that moment I realized, it wasn’t that she wasn’t capable of being a decent person, it was that she chose to treat me like dirt.
For reference, the same sort of call from me would start with “Why are you calling me? I told you I’m at .” And end with nothing but the sound of the phone being hung up, not even so much as “Bye”.
Also for clarity, it didn’t really matter which friend she talked to, it was always pleasant and friendly, meanwhile conversations with me were always hostile and terrible.
I found out later she was also hiding a substantial alcohol problem, so much so that the judge, after completing a substance dependency evaluation, made her leave the marital home and now she is only allowed recorded zoom calls with our kids until she completes therapy and substance treatment, which she still hasnt done now two years post divorce.
It is now a little over two years since the divorce was finalized. My kids and I live in a new city and they are thriving with me as a solo dad in a safe and quiet household.
Image source: Zenithar-ATS, senivpetro
#31
When I realized I didn’t want our future children to develop his attitudes and behaviors. I had given him the benefit of the doubt on too many things, and tried to work things out with him, but I had to accept he was who he was. However, the day I realized that he would be setting an example to our future kids was the day I realized I couldn’t have a future with him. I would be so disappointed in myself if I brought children into this world who were like him. The whole reason I wanted children was to hopefully raise people who would make the world a better place, and I knew that wouldn’t necessarily be the outcome if I had children with him.
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#32
Started with little disagreements on house chores, then money was tight, then she slept with our friends husband. Natural progression I’m told.
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#33
Ex wife had multiple affairs. I would find out cause she’s a terrible liar. We have kids and I would inevitably forgive her. She stopped really trying to hide them. After the last one I finally decided she didn’t want to change nor to really he there. We had a civil conversation and I asked if she wanted out. She said yes. Asked her if she could stay with the current one. She said yes. She left me and the kids and moved in with him. I filed for divorce and she didn’t contest anything. She was remarried less than a month after the judge signed papers. I have custody of the kids and am much happier. She’s since been divorced again with another kid she barely sees.
Image source: iacrotty
#34
We grew apart. So far that any intimacy or communication ceased. I’m not the emotional type, but there was an argument at dinner one day. I went and cried in bed. She came in like 20 minutes later and touched my back trying to console me, and it felt like my soul left my body. I stopped crying immediately and told her I was done.
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#35
Alcoholic, cheated and got a woman pregnant 8 months into our “marriage “.
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#36
When our marriage counselor looked at me and said, “He will never change. It will never get better.”.
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#37
He gaslit the fluffing hell out of me. I’m not taking about “That’s not what you said” gaslighting, I’m talking about convincing me I was bipolar, keeping me sleep deprived, everything was my fault, I slept on the floor for a year, GASLIGHTING. One night I asked him if he was happy and then just let him talk. For 20 straight minutes he explained how that wasn’t a valid question and I was rude to ask him. Then he walked off. I left him soon after. It was a poignant moment for me.
Image source: caratron5000
#38
We went to 4 couples therapists. She ended getting rid of each by saying “they clearly favor you” after the first visit, because each one said I have valid issues and my feelings were valid. That meant she shared some blame and in her mind that wasn’t possible.
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#39
She suffered extreme mental health issues after kids born. Things got really bad. Things got even worse. It was affecting me and kids so negatively, after a year of trying to do everything to help I couldn’t take care of everyone including myself and it got even worse. Kicked her out. Got full custody of the kids and life is much better now. I tried but there’s only so much one person can do. Mental health is no joke.
Image source: Harry-Ballsack-2
#40
I could not do anything correctly. And I mean anything. I did not even pick up dog poo correctly. After we ran out of milk one time in 12 years he called me “the most irresponsible person he’d ever known.”.
Image source: Fun_Meal_457
#41
Currently going through the divorce process now. She was cheating again… (broke up 3 years ago because of it. We got back together, had another kid, got married last year, going through the same stuff again.. Ooops. Lesson learned)
I moved out almost 3 weeks ago. She has a new boyfriend already. Already bringing our two kids around him, sleeping over at his half-a-house with them, staying at hotels overnight with them. Its wild wild stuff…
I still really dont have a reason for why shes acting this way. Shes treating me like im gone when i genuinely didnt do anything to deserve this.
Image source: SwaggyC488
#42
Not divorced but my parents are. My dad was a serial cheater and my mom got tired of it. I think after the time she caught him on the couch with a woman while she (my mom) was at home asleep. He asked her if she would file the divorce under “irreconcilable difference” instead of adultery, and she was nice so she agreed.
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#43
There are myriad reasons to get divorced, but I think the most common one is resentment.
As soon as you start resenting your partner, the slide to divorce has begun.
My wife is my best friend and we never trash talk each other to friends or coworkers.
But it took me several failed relationships to get here.
Image source: Monkey_Leavings
#44
His inability to stop cheating on me was a real issue. I realised I didn’t want to try and save the marriage when I developed a crush on someone else and realised that I was still capable of having emotions other than self-doubt, hurt and fear.
Funnily enough, once he received the lawyer’s letter, he suddenly was all in favour of “forgiving” me my failure to have a faithful husband.
Image source: Purled_Attitude
#45
My ex thrived on keeping me off-balance and negging me—even through I was doing the majority of the childcare/housework/petcare/yardwork while also maintaining continuous employment (he was regularly finding himself involuntarily out of work and it never had anything to do with him, ofc…) Once I figured out my own version of gray-rocking him/not letting him see me blink, he started to take it out on our kids.
Our 3 kids and I were dog-sitting my daughter’s best friend’s dog while the family went to visit grandparents in Italy for the winter holidays. The ex did nothing to help, btw. I had repeatedly told the mom that there was no need to compensate us because their dog was sweet and was a great companion for our dog. Nonetheless, she slipped my oldest $200 cash in the dark when they picked up their pup. I had been making dinner at the time, so I told the kids that we would figure out what to do with the money after dinner. I went to the restroom and upon returning, I found my ex screaming at our youngest (11M at the time) that HE was going to decide what to do with the money. Our youngest was in the fetal position, hiding under a blanket, and sobbing…I initiated the divorce process four days later.
Image source: Unwarranted_optimism
#46
We were never actually married but together 14 years and have kids etc. But it was when I felt more like this mother than a partner, and when he was willing to do absolutely nothing about it. He would probably say that I have anger issues. At the time I might have agreed. Turns out my only anger issue was him. Happily married now to a man who takes pride in providing for us. He makes me proud everyday.
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#47
Resentment that I couldn’t get over. They couldn’t manage finances, meal planning/ cooking, chores, provide health insurance, pay for their own car insurance or taxes, didn’t plan or pay for any vacations. I got burnt out with a ton of resentment.
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#48
Weaponized ignorance, I noticed it the first month.
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#49
Unfortunately I’m in the first camp of case 2. Once I became disabled I was a burden he wasn’t willing to carry, even though he promised he would. It’s heartbreaking.
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#50
He had a gambling problem he wasn’t willing to admit was a problem, despite getting us into 6 figures of debt in 8 months and getting fired from his job for stealing from them (after our divorce they pressed charges against him and he had to do time for that).
On the surface, the issue was gambling and financial infidelity because he hid credit cards o didn’t know about, lied about where money went, opened secret accounts etc. but the underlying issue that was the nail on the coffin was that he wasn’t willing or ready to change and I couldn’t wait and hope and beg for some indeterminate amount of time for him to get better. I remember asking him to tell me what he had done with a specific check we had received and I kept pressing him to quit deflecting and tell the truth and he just wouldn’t. I told him “you love keeping secrets more than you love me” and he said of course that wasn’t true, but it hit me like a ton of bricks that he loved his dependency more than me. And he wasn’t ready or able to see that. For me; honesty is number 1 and your partner can do a lot of stupid stuff and if there’s honesty, I think it’s possible to forgive and work through it. But if you don’t have honesty you don’t have a relationship.
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#51
My husband was a true narcissist
I was struggling physically and mentally due to his grueling work schedule… I was the primary care giver of 3 children and had minimal effort at home… all this took a huge toll on my health
Weird symptoms, heart issues and he never believed me….
My gut told me to get out of this marriage or I’d be gone….
A month after our separation I found out I had metastatic cancer
And I had at least a 10 yr delay in diagnosis which now makes my prognosis much more complicated
I truly feel the stress of my marriage contributed to my cancer diagnosis.
Image source: Kind_String5058
#52
Extreme liar, he lied about most important things then he started lying about stuff I said or did. It was messing with my sense of reality I had to leave. Also he was incredibly financially irresponsible he stopped paying the car note for 7 months.
Image source: Correct_Ostrich5371
#53
Ex blamed all of our problems on me. I was the reason the house was a mess. I was the unreasonable one who has mental health issues and needs to be medicated.
Well, I went in good faith to numerous specialists and therapists who told me otherwise. It wasn’t just one opinion. When I told my ex what they told me she told me to see someone else, so I did. Same result. Our problems were still there and there wasn’t some cut and dry blanket blame she could throw on me. In our next marriage counseling session she insisted in front of our therapist that I get on meds. I told her no and again cited all the specialists I’d spoken to. She said it was done and I realized I felt more relieved than upset at that point. I’m far from perfect, but I turned myself inside out in a loveless marriage trying to make things work for our kid.
3 years on I’m still occasionally distrustful of my very awesome current girlfriend because I was so accustomed to being manipulated and I’m still trying to repair my self esteem. It’s something I’m constantly working on. Also, my house is clean and my ex’s place is a pigsty and my ex has since alienated numerous friend groups with her antics and narcissism. Every time I speak to them, they ironically have some new variant of ADHD, PTSD, autism or whatever to justify why their behavior is so terrible and that the world should meet them halfway instead of vice versa. I would think it was hilarious except for the fact that we share a child and it’s in my kid’s best interests to have parents that are both thriving.
Image source: negativeyoda
#54
Hoarding.
My Dad was a hoarder to such a degree that we couldn’t even get to the kitchen sink.
My ex-wife and I had a 3 bedroom house and except for our bedroom, the other two rooms were filled with junk.
I begged to throw out old stuff we didn’t use. We went to therapy to try to solve it. At the end of the day, stupid stuff mattered more than me.
I loved both these people, but at some point, you can’t help. Its just as much as a dependency as anything else, and unless the person is willing to change, you can’t do anything about it. .
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#55
She stopped loving halfway through the honeymoon. Our intimate life was non-existent unless she was ovulating, and when I denied her she became borderline violent.
We had two kids that only took one attempt each to conceive. After that we were celibate for nearly ten years while I took care of everything while she climbed the corporate ladder and traveled solo across the world.
My level of self-worth was 2/10, and I didn’t know what to do other than tolerate it.
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#56
We had a rule that if one of us was away overnight, the other had to be home before midnight for our teenage kids. I was away, he came home before midnight, and then left again about an hour later. I realized I couldn’t trust him on anything after that, but wish I had left way, way before that. Nearly 18 years of marriage.
Image source: Sad-Illustrator944
#57
My wife’s too close for comfort relationship with her ex-husband.
I should have known it going in but always figured it would fade.
She continued to work together with him, for peanuts basically, was an easy excuse to always be around him/always text.
Found one too many text messages over the years that crossed the line and I came to the conclusion she was at the very least having an on and off again relationship with him.
I decided it was easier to blow up my life and leave vs living a comfortable life where I felt like I was going to be the third wheel and isolated in old age.
Still isn’t easy but I’m happy I did it.
Image source: PhysicsWorldly5901
#58
Took my pay check and transferred it to an account I wasn’t on. When I put an end to that, he stopped paying the bills which suddenly were all put in my name! God I just don’t miss that man!
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#59
When I realized she wasn’t willing to put in the work. I asked her to go to marriage counseling and not only did she refuse, she got extremely belligerent about it.
Over the next few years I went to therapy myself and asked several more times. She didn’t agree until after she was served the divorce papers.
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#60
He began to change. At first, I thought that he stopped tip-toeing and got more comfortable in the relationships, but he was getting worse. After some more issues I understood that he needs a doctor’s check-up because he is unhealthy. I begged, I confronted him, tried to talk so he would visit the doctor, cryed, begged again, again, again. He called it Gaslighting of his feelings. That he is entitled to feel like he feels. I went with the divorce. He went to the doctor. He had a brain tumor that messed up all his hormones.
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#61
She decided without talking or wanting to work on things. Cheated with a co-worker of hers. She said she didn’t know why at first, but then it was “is this all there is to marriage?”…would’ve been great to have this conversation before getting married. Ultimately she wanted to do whatever she wanted, like she just turned 21.
I knew it was over when I came home (we agreed I’d leave for a few days while she “thought” about things), all of our family photos were down. It was like she had to get any of our photos out, off wall, etc. That was the first sign to me that this isn’t going to be fixed. This was before I found out about the infidelity.
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#62
He wasn’t being a husband, so why should I continue being a wife?
He had a girlfriend and wouldn’t stop draining our marital wealth on her
I was exhausted keeping up my wifely duties and covering as a homemaker, breadwinner, parent to compensate for him not pulling his weight
I told him he should leave if he didn’t want to be a husband. He left in 2014. They broke up in 2018. I wish he would’ve broken up with her in 2013 but I’m remarried, have tripled my income, our kids are successful and now I’m a wife to a man who is a husband. Yay for me. .
Image source: Creepy-Floor-1745
#63
I thought it was her fault, blamed her… But 10 years later I realized it was all 100% my fault and I absolutely deserved it for being a selfish inconsiderate jerk… My fault. Learned the lesson. Got married again… #2 and final marriage : Going great with God’s blessings, mercy and grace and our
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#64
Lack of emotional connection. I realized he wasn’t capable of the depth I craved. We had a fairly amicable divorce and coparent well.
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#65
I started realizing he didn’t really like me, so it would’ve ended without the catastrophe that came shortly after.
But then he cheated on me, and I was an idiot and was like let’s try to work it out. Then he wrote an r/relationships post that was mostly about how sad he was about the idea of me leaving and it ended with “what do?”.
Then he confessed to me that he talked to her again within like a week of the initial confession and I finally remembered I was born with a spine. .
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#66
We decided we didn’t want kids.
One of us changed our mind.
The other didn’t.
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#67
Ex-wife has traits of Borderline and Narcissistic personality disorders. Massive problems with our now adult children to this day. She says she hit a midlife crisis and picked crazy fights and would go 3 days without talking.
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#68
His undiagnosed PTSD that he treated with alcoholism.
My postpartum anxiety that honestly made me a mean person and later my expectations to have a partner in the marriage.
The friend he told me not to worry about that is now his wife.
It wasn’t one thing but it all kind of caught up to us and spiraled in about a year.
We realized it couldn’t be fixed when we had a fight and he got physical.
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#69
Friend of mine had a seemingly happy, active marriage. No problem with romance or intimate life, or so she thought. Her husband was a teacher at a local community college. One day he comes home and goes “I want an open marriage.” She’s a little surprised but agrees. He goes “Great, I’ve been dating one of my students.”
He’d been cheating on her with a 19 year old student of his. Two weeks later, without talking to her about it ahead of time, he moves the 19 year old into their house. She put up with this for about a year I believe, shockingly enough, and then she finally tells him she wants a divorce.
Him and his student-girlfriend pack up and leave in the middle of the night. It took her and her lawyers and the police THREE YEARS to find out where the guy had gone– several states over, using his middle name as a psuedonym for his first name.
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#70
He was an alcoholic who did not keep up with the treatment of his mental illness (which I did not know he had until we got married). He also didn’t want a wife. He wanted a mommy who would pay for everything and do everything for him, but he also expected intimacy when he didn’t lift a finger. We planned to have kids within the first two years of marriage but I kept pushing it back and glad I did. The divorce was the best thing I ever did. I am now married to a wonderful man who pulls his weight. I am now pregnant and excited to have kids when I was not sure with my ex.
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#71
Ex wife has an emotional affair that lasted 6 months. I found out about it and saw all the pictures and videos along with 6 months of communication . I decided that I would try to give the marriage acsr second chance we have two kids. In any case what finally did me on was that she broke every boundary I set so that we can build a new foundation. Not fully divorced but she has been making it a living nightmare.
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#72
When I went over seas for a business trip and she didn’t once contact me to see how I was going. Yes, I contacted her. When I got home the coldness was clear. That’s when I decided I was done after 18 years. My life has so much more peace in it now, and I’m not walking on egg shells in my own home.
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#73
Both entered the marriage not wanting kids. I changed along the way and wanted the option of a child. Many many other issues in the marriage but that was the big issue in the end for me.
I currently have have my 15 month old daughter sleeping beside me holding my arm and an amazing girlfriend who can always make me smile.
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#74
I didn’t like my husbands girlfriend.
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#75
He couldn’t choose between me and his girlfriend so I made the decision for him.
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#76
Ex wife cheated and tried to blame me. After 11 years of dealing with her, I was done at that point. Kept my house and dog. Got 6 additional years with my dog. Recently lost my dog, he passed at age 14.
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#77
My ex was controlling and physically mistreating. He gaslighted me constantly. I spent six years being treated like a child. He wanted to drive across Africa. Since he was mostly blind and couldn’t drive I had to. About 5 months into the drive we were in the democratic Republic of Congo. I was very unhealthy. Too skinny. Sleep deprived. He would look at me and say, “but you love driving.” One day I had been driving for 12 hours and was exhausted. I looked over at him sleeping in the passenger seat and knew it was over. It took me three months more to actually leave him.
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#78
When we got quiet. We stopped fighting. Things were so quiet it actually seemed peaceful – we just didn’t care to fight anymore.
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#79
Contemplated divorce for about a year when my confusion and anger turned to defeated apathy.
Woke up with dreary dread every morning and was at a loss as my wife had become a totally different person….
She was diagnosed with an underlying medical condition that explained everything….and things improved slowly and then rapidly as treatment progressed. Thank god we held it together….i almost lost then regained my best friend.
This may not help anyone but if it helps one couple out of the abyss then it was worth the discomfort of even thinking back on those days….
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#80
In short, I always did a really good job of managing her moods…until we had kids. At that point no matter what I did or how much I contributed to the household, caring for the children, handling the bills, etc. I was failing at preventing her catastrophic thinking i.e. our 3 month old son is depressed, he’s going to get lead contamination, nobody can feed him but me/why am I (her) always the one that has to feed him?!
She overslept, stated up til 4, didnt pay the two bills she was responsible for, would scream at the top of her lungs and accused me of yelling so loudly I was going to wake the kids up when I was barely speaking above a whisper.
BPD runs in her family but after a decade together I thought it skipped her. Now I know it just looked a little different at first. .
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