To some, Christmas is a serious festivity, a time for gathering the family and reflecting over the year. To others, it’s a celebration that’s all about giving and kindness. But you know what makes it all better and even more worthwhile? Why, humor, of course! That’s precisely why we’ve gathered this list of the best Christmas jokes ever – to make your good deeds even merrier and to annoy Aunt Janice with so-lame-it’s-awesome jokes over Christmas Eve dinner. Or to say to Father Christmas himself as a ransom for your present. A quick transaction is guaranteed with these hilarious jokes, and the present will surely be signed, sealed, and delivered in no time.
To you, dear readers, our good deed is this list – a jolly merriment, an authentic barrel of fun! If classy he-said-she-said jokes aren’t your cup of tea, we’ve tried our best to cater to anyone’s taste. There are Christmas puns, darker-toned jokes, prosaic farces, Flaubert-esque pastiches, and all the good stuff on Christmas. Besides having covered all the possible styles of whimsy, we’ve also delved into most of the holiday topics. A joke for Rudolph, a pun on Santa Claus, and a one-liner on gifts; all you could ever need in one place!
But, lest we spill all the merry beans and spoil you with the best Christmas jokes before you even have the chance to read them – scroll down below and check them out for yourself! Then, tell us which of these clever jokes you liked the most and don’t forget to share this article with your friends. Christmas time is giving time, after all.
#1
What’s the difference between snowmen and snowladies?
Snowballs.
#2
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Claustrophobic.
#3
“Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.”
#4
“I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas. She told me, “Nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace.” So I bought her nothing.”
#5
“I tell my kids that Santa is fat because he eats the children who get up early on Christmas morning. That way, I get to sleep in.”
#6
Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist? He sold his soul to Santa.
#7
Spotted outside a church in Michigan: “Honk if you love Jesus. Keep on texting while you drive if you want to meet him.”
#8
What do you call Santa when he takes a break?
Santa Pause.
#9
If a reindeer lost its tail, where could he get a new one?
At a retail store.
#10
What did Adam say the day before Christmas?
It’s Christmas, Eve!
#11
The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven’t seen for 20 minutes.
#12
Where do polar bears vote?
The North Poll.
#13
How does the snow globe feel this year?
A little shaken.
#14
Why was the snowman embarrassed when he was spotted rummaging through a bag of carrots?
He was caught picking his nose.
#15
Who tells the best Christmas jokes?
Reindeer. They sleigh every time.
#16
What do you call a snowman with a six pack?
An abdominal snowman.
#17
How is the alphabet different on Christmas than any other day?
On Christmas, it has Noel.
#18
Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past?
Because the present’s beneath them.
#19
Which of Santa’s reindeer has the worst manners?
RUDE-olph, of course.
#20
What is the best evidence that Microsoft has a monopoly?
Santa Claus had to switch from Chimneys to Windows.
#21
What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A broken drum, you just can’t beat it.
#22
Where does Santa stay when he’s on vacation?
At a Ho-ho-ho-tel.
#23
“My wife took our three-year-old to church for the first time. Getting impatient while waiting for the Mass to start, he turned to her and asked, “What time does Jesus get here?”
#24
What happened to the man who stole an advent calendar?
He got 25 days.
#25
What do snowmen call their offspring?
Chill-dren.
#26
Four-year-old to her two-year-old sister: “Let’s play Christmas. I’ll be Santa Claus and you can be a present and I’ll give you away.”
#27
What did the farmer get for Christmas?
A cowculator.
#28
What do you call a blind reindeer?
I have no eye deer.
#29
What would you call an elf who just has won the lottery?
Welfy.
#30
Why do Dasher and Dancer love coffee?
Because they’re Santa’s star bucks.
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