We’ve all had that one roommate who does a little too much, or a little too little. Maybe they leave socks in the fridge, or maybe they transform into your personal maid without being asked. Either way, living with someone is an adventure in which you can’t always predict its ending.
That’s exactly the situation today’s Original Poster (OP) found herself analyzing when her boyfriend moved into his roommate’s house. At first, it seemed innocent enough, but as time went on, she noticed that the dynamic between the two men started shifting, and not in a healthy way.
More info: Reddit
Sometimes, the way your partner treats the people around them can tell you more than words ever will
Image credits: Bizon / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The author’s boyfriend moved into his roommate’s house, where the roommate occasionally helped with chores like washing dishes and taking out trash
Image credits: Throwaway_dot234 / Reddit
Image credits: stockking / Freepik (not the actual photo)
At first, the boyfriend was annoyed by the roommate’s involvement and warned him to stop touching his things
Image credits: Throwaway_dot234
Image credits: RDNE Stock project / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Over time, the boyfriend began demanding the roommate do chores for him, justifying it with long work hours, and spoke bluntly when making requests
Image credits: Throwaway_dot234 / Reddit
The author became concerned about his entitled behavior, noticing the roommate’s constant apologizing
The OP explained that her boyfriend lived with a roommate who had rented the place to him. In the beginning, her boyfriend wasn’t very thrilled about the roommate washing his dishes or getting his trash from the bathroom.
Due to this, he asked the roommate to stop touching his things, which he apologized for even though the OP was certain he had just been helping out. However, with her boyfriend’s busy job, he then demanded that the roommate wash his dishes because it was just “common sense”. Naturally, this left the roommate confused, especially after being asked not to touch his things.
When the OP confronted her boyfriend for speaking to the roommate in such a manner, he brushed it off, saying he was just “blunt”. However, the OP noticed that the roommate apologized constantly as though he was always walking on eggshells around her boyfriend.
She asked her boyfriend to apologize to his roommate, but he claimed that she was being too sensitive. Now she’s stuck questioning not just the living arrangement, but her boyfriend’s character.
To better understand the dynamics in this story, Bored Panda spoke with clinical psychologist Christabell Madondo, who explained that someone might over-apologize or act submissively even when they technically hold more power due to internal patterns shaped by early experiences.
“People who hold power can behave submissively because their nervous system has learned that asserting themselves feels unsafe,” she said. Over-accommodating, she added, becomes a way to manage anxiety and avoid perceived rejection or anger, even when they technically have control.
Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto / Pexels (not the actual photo)
We also asked Madondo how a person’s behavior toward roommates can reveal character traits and potential red flags in romantic relationships as in the case of the OP. She pointed out that how someone manages shared spaces, responsibilities, and minor conflicts often mirrors how they handle accountability and respect in partnerships.
“Honestly, everyday co-living challenges actually serve as a microcosm for emotional give-and-take and compromise as it offers insight into how someone might navigate intimacy and partnership dynamics over time.”
She built on this by explaining that observing a partner’s treatment of others, whether they be roommates, friends, or colleagues, can indicate how they’ll behave long-term in a relationship. In fact, Madondo emphasized that it can be very telling. “Interactions with others often reveal default patterns of respect, empathy, and conflict management.”
Someone who communicates openly, listens actively, and balances their needs with others’ is likely to carry those habits into a romantic relationship. Conversely, dismissing boundaries or displaying passive-aggressiveness often continues in private. “I say this all the time, a person’s attitude is far more predictive of long-term compatibility than first impressions or chemistry.”
Netizens criticized the OP for being entitled, disrespectful, and completely out of line given he’s only renting a room. They stressed that the dishes are his responsibility, regardless of how many hours he works. They also pointed out the clear power imbalance, painting the boyfriend as a bully whose behavior raises major red flags.
What do you think about this situation? Do you think the OP is right to be concerned, or is she overreacting? We would love to know your thoughts!
Netizens affirmed that she wasn’t overreacting for feeling uneasy about what this reveals about her boyfriend’s character and asked her to watch out for the red flags
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