Siblings can be strikingly different despite having similar upbringings. My sister and I couldn’t be more different personality-wise, and yet we’re so similar when it comes to our core values — where it really matters.
I don’t doubt for a second that the siblings in this story are the same. They’re just going through a particularly difficult rough patch, especially considering that both of them are neurodivergent. This time around, there’s a question looming on the narrator’s mind, centered on his concern for his own well-being as well as his brother’s uncertain future.
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Siblings will always have their scuffles, but sometimes a drastic change is needed for everyone involved to grow up
Image credits: stockking / Freepik (not the actual photo)
An older brother has been struggling with his autistic brother, who appears to crash out every time he doesn’t get his way
Image credits: stockking / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Despite being neurodivergent himself, the man thinks his brother is using his diagnosis to get out of important situations
Image credits: karlyukav / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Believing his brother should start being more independent and responsible, the man had to talk with his enabling family
image credits: Odd_Paper_9064
Unfortunately though, the parents don’t see anything wrong with what the brother does, forcing the man to make a decision
Life, unfortunately, doesn’t come with an instruction manual. When you’re neurodivergent, adapting to society’s norms and rules can feel especially difficult, and it’s almost like playing life on hard mode. And that’s where this story begins: two neurodivergent brothers with two very different approaches to life.
The Original Poster (OP) is a 21-year-old man looking for a job. However, he currently has the responsibility of driving his 19-year-old brother virtually everywhere. As the narrator explains, both brothers have been diagnosed with autism, and the younger brother is especially sensitive to both other people’s words and his surroundings.
The OP notes that his brother often feels “overwhelmed” and is “quick to anger,” and that in some situations he claims to feel “overstimulated” as a way to step away from stressful situations. The OP says he tries to be understanding, but he is becoming concerned about his brother’s future. His brother misses class frequently and often struggles to keep up with responsibilities.
Currently, the OP drives his brother to school, but as he seeks his own independence, and a job, he will no longer be able to continue doing so if he finds work to do. However, he doesn’t have enough time to job hunt in the first place, and is now seeking advice online on how to bring up this issue with his parents, who he feels are enabling his brother’s behavior.
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
It can’t be easy to feel the need to step back from helping your younger sibling, especially when you’re likely the person who understands him best. But we still need to look at facts. The DSM-5 describes autism as a spectrum, meaning individuals can have very different needs, sensitivities, and ways of navigating the world. In this case, one brother may require a different level or type of support than the other.
Because of these differences, everyday responsibilities may feel overwhelming for the younger brother. At the same time, it shouldn’t automatically fall on the OP to take on the role of his brother’s keeper. Research shows that caregiving can lead to burnout, with emotional and physical strain sometimes resulting in frustration or resentment. Ultimately, this responsibility shouldn’t rest on one sibling alone.
So, what role should the parents be playing here? Studies suggest that some parents of neurodivergent children can unintentionally blur the line between support and over-accommodation. While they may believe they are helping by allowing their child to avoid uncomfortable situations, it can sometimes limit opportunities to build independence.
Ultimately, the OP doesn’t specify whether he has decided to stop driving his brother. However, many people online were quick to say that he is not in the wrong. Some felt the younger brother may be relying too much on his diagnosis to avoid responsibilities, and advised the OP to take a step away to avoid even more responsibility falling on him. So, do you think the OP being unfair to his brother?
Netizens believe the man’s brother is undoubtedly using his neurodivergence to avoid responsibilities
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