George Clooney is back behind the director’s chair for this movie adaptation of the best-selling memoir of the same name. The cast is stacked with A-list talents such as Ben Affleck, Christopher Lloyd, and Tye Sheridan. This article will list the five terrible movies involving the cast of The Tender Bar. Let’s jump into the first feature:
Surviving Christmas
Ben Affleck is a talented actor and director, but the A-list star has made numerous clunkers throughout this career. One of them is Surviving Christmas, which is about Drew Latham, a man who has no family or friends for the holidays. He returns to his childhood home but finds out that another family is living there, so he makes a huge monetary offer to the couple to pretend they are his parents. The premise alone is pretty bad. There’s an interesting concept about a loner looking for love and happiness during the holiday, but Surviving Christmas comes across a bit shallow. Affleck’s character is more often than not obnoxious, and the running joke grows tiresome very quickly. There’s a wealth of talent attached to this feature, it’s just a shame that the script doesn’t match them.
Gigli
We’re happy that Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck are back together, but let’s just hope that they opt against making another “romantic comedy”. This groan-inducing cringe fest is Gigli, who is ordered to kidnap the younger brother of a federal prosecutor. Of course, plans go awry, and Gigli’s boss sends his daughter to help out with the kidnapping. But Gigli falls in love with the free-spirited Ricki, which could cause problems between him and his boss. The premise itself isn’t too bad and the right writer/director could’ve made an interesting Bonnie & Clyde type of feature; however, Gigli is an inept film that’s lacks any heat between the two leads. However, Lopez and Affleck are consistently let down by a dreadful script that features some of the worst dialogue in film history. If you think I’m kidding then try watching the scene where Lopez says, “It’s Turkey time”. There’s a reason that this film was nominated for six Golden Raspberry awards because it’s truly one of the worst movies ever made.
Runner Runner
I did tell you that Ben Affleck has a few clunkers in his filmography, right? The difference between the first two entrants and Runner Runner is that the premise here is actually really good. This is a case where a bad script ruins any potential that it had. It’s all the more disappointing to learn that the director made the excellent film, The Lincoln Lawyer, prior to this feature. The film focuses on Richie, who goes to Costa Rica to confront online-gambling tycoon Ivan Block; however, Block becomes his mentor, promising riches beyond his wildest dreams. Eventually, Richie is coerced by the FBI to help bring in the scammer, and he’s forced to try and outsmart both sides. There needs to be a strong balance of nuance and cleverness when it comes to films like these; however, Runner Runner is surprisingly bland despite the beautiful imagery. The actors are fine in the roles that they’re given, but the film lacks any real tension that justifies its 91-minute runtime.
Piranha 3DD
It’s called Piranha 3DD, so obviously you expect this horror/comedy sequel to be a sleazy B-movie type film, but Piranha 3DD fails to match the quality of its predecessor. This time, the film follows a marine biologist named Maddy, who’s not particularly happy that her parent’s water park is now a nudist pool with aquatic strippers. However, a slew of flesh-eating piranha migrates over from Lake Victoria and she must prevent them from eating the park’s patrons and workers. There’s nothing with sleaze and cheeky fun, but the movie is surprisingly boring for a feature that’s dominated by sex and violence. Piranha 3DD is a slog in the beginning and once the piranha’s come around, the cartoonish and obviously fake violence doesn’t come close to matching the fun of the original film. There’s some enjoyment to be had here and there, but Piranha 3DD wastes it potential by not understanding what made the first film great.
Baby Geniuses
Always remember, Christopher Lloyd is also one of the reasons that Back to the Future is great. You’ll have to keep telling yourself that when you’re watching Baby Geniuses, which is about an infant who’s experimented on by an evil scientist. The premise is laughable at best and the acting is atrocious. Kids may enjoy this mindless comedy, but anyone over the age of five will hate every minute of it. The plot is nonsensical, the jokes are lame and uninspired, and the special effects are low budget. Avoid at all costs!
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