Gossip Girl 3.22 “Last Tango, Then Paris” Recap/Review

Good GOD, where do I begin?!!?!

This week’s jaw dropping, scandalous finale of Gossip Girl‘s tumultuous third season, aptly titled “Last Tango, Then Paris”, delivered on all fronts and left us fans dying for the fall to get here like a New York minute. A pregnancy, a sendoff, a birth, and a shot heard around the globe littered the episode and I am sure there are a million fans who nearly ripped their hair out at the last scene. Enough yakking, let’s get to it.

Au Revoir, Jenny Humphrey!!!

The platinum dye abuser known as Jenny Humphrey was given a gracious send off after causing enough destruction for denizens of the Upper East Side to file FEMA claims from the damage that transpired. Not only did Jenny send a GG blast that featured Serena and Dan, her own brother, in a compromising position, but she also was an instrument in destroying the long-awaited reunion of Chair, which made me fear for the girl’s life. Seriously, I was praying that Jenny wasn’t going to be sniped before she boarded the train out of town and out of the opening credits of next year. To give Jenny credit, she did realize the error of her ways before the whole Chuck debacle and, in my eyes, wasn’t trying to stick it to Blair before leaving, so I can’t fault her for that. Everything before hand?

I still wish that Jenny (and Taylor Momsen) had of gotten her own spin-off, which would’ve made the most sense. The IT Girl, would’ve served as a perfect companion to the show instead of the highly ill-conceived “Valley Girls” attempt, because it would’ve gave Jenny/Taylor a platform to shine and still be just as delicious as it’s predecessor. I can lament forever about this, but I choose to move on, just as Taylor sure has done so. One thing I do know is that Connor Paolo’s Eric van der Woodsen might be very lonely next year and his appearances could be very limited. Just read that Jenny might be back before November sweeps, but will she stay? Or does Gossip Girl have a “Katherine Heigl” situation on their hands?

Georgina’s Back!!!! (And She Really Needs to Stay This Time…)

When Georgina slithered back into the UEP, with a bad wig/dye job mind you, I thought she was going to come with news about Lily and Rufus’s love child, Scott. Instead, she comes with a shocker in the form of a developing hellspawn in her womb and news that DAN HUMPHREY IS THE FATHER!!!!!!! Think of the hell that will bring? I hope this development proves as a distraction from the ick factor that could be a Dan and Serena repairing, since Vanessa is pissed about the GG bomb that Nate found it upon himself to send to her. I have always been vocal about my dislike of Dan and Serena together and don’t need a horrid trip down memory lane. As Blair said, just because some old clothes might fit you, doesn’t mean that you should wear them. In other words, Dan and Serena need to head to the Salvation Army, ASAP.

But back to Georgina, who has been a staple in every Gossip Girl season finale since the show’s inception. This time, she really needs to stay. Michelle Tracthtenberg’s show on NBC, Mercy, has just been cancelled, freeing her up for a full time gig on Gossip Girl, which to me is a sign that she deserves to strike a pose with the other main characters in Season Four’s group shots. Also, her joining the cast indefinitely would cease Georgina from being the equivalent to the Daleks on Doctor Who, a staple villain that gets less scary with each appearance. Let’s get it together, Gossip Girl TPTBs.

“Chair” Got Smashed

Whatever made Blair suddenly drop Cameron like a used styrofoam latte cup and suddenly choose Chuck, despite her denying that she doesn’t believe in signs, is beyond me, but she finally came to her senses even though it was two clicks too late. After finding Chuck’s bouquet on the top of the Empire State Building, she hightailed it over to Chuck’s penthouse, where CB had just taken Lil Jenny Humphrey’s virginity. Chuck concealed this fact, because he had his main boo back in his life. Meanwhile, Jenny saw what Chuck had in store for Blair before her and Chuck’s impromptu hook up and left the place feeling less about herself before she got there. After letting slip to Eric her latest faux pas and the fact that she never slept with Damian, Jenny pleaded for her stepbrother to keep his mouth shut. But he ran to Dan, who found Chuck just when he was about to propose to Blair and decked CB. Then the truth came out and you would’ve thought Mount St. Helens erupted in that building.

I’m so glad that Dan stopped Blair in her tracks when she tried to banish Jenny from Manhattan, because Blair had no one to blame but herself for playing games and not admitting her feelings!!!! Chuck was wrong in the deed, but what was he supposed to think? She didn’t show up. And Blair sure as hell can’t blame Dorota for going into labor and having to get her to the hospital, because it was Blair who drug Dorota with her on that date with Cameron. So, of course, I place some blame on Blair for what happened to CB afterwards…

CB GOT SHOT!!!!!!!!!

My jaw hit the floor when I heard the gunshot go off during Chuck’s mugging and I am still trying to reconnect it to my face. Chuck was in Prague, but why he went there? God only knows, but I smell a guilt trip coming from Blair, which she rightly deserves, and hopefully she will grow the hell up afterwards and reconnect with Chuck. But first, CB has to SURVIVE this gunshot for that to happen! Still shocked and dismayed by that last scene. I am sure that a lot of people are pissed the hell off that they have to wait till this fall (or if your are into spoilers, possibly mid-summer) to find out what happens. Count me in with both camps.

In Other News…

Nate has resorted to slutting after his heart was broken by Serena. He tried to get Dan in on the fun, but Dan declined. I wish Nate had of tried harder, only if it would stop Dan from running to Paris after Serena, but my wish came before Georgina came in with the baby bump, so I am cool with that outcome. But Nate needs to learn that he will never be CB in any shape way or fashion. His heart is too pure and he is the Yin to Chuck’s Yang. Stick with it, dude.

Final Thoughts

– I hope Blair doesn’t think Dorota will be at her beck and call now that Dorota and Vanya have their own daughter to raise. And is it mean that I don’t want the kid to be named “Blair”?

– I wonder if 90210 and Gossip Girl share prop departments, or props, because Georgina’s bump reminded me too much of Jen’s slim bump from 90210. I know that isn’t relatively possible, but either they are sharing props or “moles” in the writing room, because their season ending storylines are slightly similar.

– On the same note, how much you wanna bet that Georgina isn’t pregnant? I would put a dollar on that bet, just in case, so I wouldn’t lose big.

It’s a long summer ahead of us, Upper East Siders (or UEP wannabes or whatever you want to call yourself). Can we manage? Tell me how you plan on spending your Gossip Girl-less summer?

See ya this Fall!!!!

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