Romance abounds again on Game of Thrones–well, romance and a little ménage à trois action during a reprieve from being tortured. That’s right, Theon’s arc has some movement and even if the movement is primarily in his pants I’ll take it. He is momentarily released from the torture apparatus to have his wounds tended and then the action begins. These two ladies, excuse me, whores, speak of his penis as if it has a mythology of its own. “We’ve heard so much about it”, they’ll say enthusiastically. Man, Westeros is laden with studs! First we have the great Podrick, then Jon Snow and that indelible thing he does with his tongue, now Theon! Alas, Theon ultimately finds his “famous cock” at knifepoint by the end of “The Bear and the Maiden Fair.” Women everywhere grieve.
I suppose the only person we can say for certain that is lousy in bed is Joffrey, who would rather skip all that nonsense and head directly to the sadistic violence he so delights. Joffrey has to take is frustration out on somebody because evidently everyone is using him as a pawn. Margaery makes it clear to Sansa that Joffrey will not have a large influence in their future child’s life, and before Margaery, Cersei attempted to control Joffrey for her own gain. Now we see that Tywin, wisely, is deliberately making it difficult to for the king to attend council meetings. Joffrey broaches this but is consequently dressed down by Tywin. Come on kid, Tywin Lannister is way out of your league!
Jon Snow and Ygritte are still on their lovers’ march, except the resident warg is making a move on Ygritte! Does this guy want to make me cry? Thankfully, it looks like Jon Snow and Ygritte are still going steady. Jon enlightens her to the majestic structures that are windmills and they have a lovely little dialogue about Ygritte in a silk dress. Jon Snow does eventually tell her that he thinks their mission is useless. “If you attack the Wall you’ll die, all of you”, he says alluding to their previous six failures. “All of us”, she corrects adding, “You’re mine, as I’m yours, and if we die we die, but first we live.” Nothing matters so long as they have each other. They are so dreamy.
I wish I could say the same about Robb and Tulisa but I’m honestly not attached to either of these characters. Robb is trying to plan his next strategic move but he is having a hard time, what with his lady lying naked in bed telling him she’s pregnant. He is beside himself and tells her he loves her, but when I’m watching these scenes, I–like a young Sansa Stark–wish I could just escape.
Sansa describes herself as a “stupid little girl with stupid dreams that never learns.” Sounds pretty spot on to me. Conversely, Arya claims that her one true god is “death.” Not exactly kindred spirits these two. Arya is incensed that the Brotherhood Without Banners gave up Gendry and abruptly runs away to be swiped up by the Hound.
Meanwhile Daenerys returns to invade another land with hopes to free more slaves. The head master of Yunkai offers her gold and ships on the terms that she flees their land and leaves them to themselves. She isn’t so accepting of this. This guy tries to retrieve his gold but her dragons insist otherwise. Daenerys demands that the master, in addition to the gold and ships, free his slaves to her growing army.
Finally and probably the most anticipated romance of Game of Thrones, Jaime and Brienne are separated as Jaime is transported back to King’s Landing. Upon his leaving Jaime said he will uphold his word and return Arya to her mother. But that’s not all: Jaime can’t leave Brienne behind especially considering that because of his apocryphal tales of sapphire, she is going to be killed as entertainment. He returns to find her in a ring with a bear. Her weapon: a wooden sword. Jaime leaps into the ring and manages to get them both out of the fray. I wonder how Jaime will respond when he sees Cersei again. For Cersei, Jaime represents salvation, but Jaime has found a new love and life beyond his sister. This should be interesting.
“The Bear and the Maiden Fair” felt mostly like a transitional, and to a certain extent, redundant episode to me. People continue to march on, Khaleesi is on the cusp of saving another oppressed people, and arranged marriages are still looming over characters’ heads. Of course we did see Joffrey butt heads with Tywin, Melisandre apprising Gendry of his noble blood, and Jaime and Brienne en route to King’s Landing, but I wasn’t too keen on this episode as a whole. Even the scenes between Jon Snow and Ygritte are mostly contingent on the same emotions that we’ve explored the previous two weeks. I’m not anti-love or anything but we’re laying it on a bit thick aren’t we Game of Thrones? Romantic exposition from Osha? Really? I guess her doomed relationship is some kind of portent for Jon Snow and Ygritte but I am drowning in a sea love over here.
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