Lying is a sin; at least that’s what many of us in the Christian part of the world were taught as kids. Nevertheless, we still did it and continue to do until today. Some lies we tell are little white lies, like when we tell someone we’ll be there in only 5 minutes when, in reality, we haven’t even gotten up from bed. Other lies can be life-changing, like cheating on your partner or hiding your child’s true parentage.
It would be nice to have built-in lie detectors in our brains — that way, we could never be deceived or made fools. However, some people are such bad liars that clocking their lies is easier than spotting a black ram in a field of white sheep. In one online thread, a netizen asked fellow Redditors: “What is the most obvious lie you have ever been told?”
Some of these stories are the perfect example that coming up with a good lie is an art, and some of us can be hilariously terrible at it.
#1
“We cannot give you a raise right now, but we will compensate you as soon as the budget allows”.
Turns out “when the budget allows” is “when you already have another job offer and put in your two weeks notice”.
Image source: Daikataro, Drazen Zigic / Magnific (not the actual photo)
#2
As a tax accountant, I’m told lies about how much money people actually made all the time during tax season.
My favorite was a guy telling me he’s broke because he only makes $35,000/year in NYC so my (very reasonable) fee is too much for him. He says this after he asks me if he can deduct the new BMW 5 series he just bought his son all cash.
Image source: reusethisname, pressfoto / Magnific (not the actual photo)
#3
I speak French, though I’m losing it from lack of use. But one of my college guy friends started dating a girl “from France.” He was all excited because she could talk to me in her native language and I could help translate. So he brought her to a party at my sorority house and introduced us.
I greeted her in French with a very simple, “bonjour, bienvenue, comment ça va” which is just hi, welcome, how are you.
Blank stare and red face in response. She then said, in what I thought was a kind of strange accent, that she’s sorry, she didn’t understand me. I looked at the guy and said “I thought you told me she was French?” Because maybe she was a different nationality and he was confused.
He looked at her and she just turned and left. He followed then returned a bit later and said he had caught up to her and she started screaming at him in perfect Midwestern accented English that he was a jerk for setting her up to look like a fool.
He had genuinely been excited that he could introduce her to someone she could talk to so he was blown away by her accusations and then angry that she lied. She apparently felt faking an accent would make her more appealing or something.
I would see her around on campus after that but she avoided me like the plague. TBH, I felt bad for her, but if you’re going to fake it, at least pick a country with a language you can speak.
Image source: LaLionneEcossaise, ansiia / Magnific (not the actual photo)
#4
“The cat scratched me.”
“You literally don’t own a cat though.”
“My fork fell onto my arms then. Idk.”
Image source: kneecapforsale, Inga.G / Magnific (not the actual photo)
#5
My husband angrily telling me he DOES help me with the house chores by vacuuming kitchen 3-4 times a week. When asked how come I have NEVER seen him doing it, he claimed he does it before I come from work. I hid the vacuum attachment (can’t vacuum without it), it has been 3 weeks and he still hasn’t noticed hahaha.
Image source: Peta_CZinNZ, bearfotos / Magnific (not the actual photo)
#6
In high school a buddy told me that he didn’t steal our other buddies watch. He was wearing the watch when I asked him about it.
Image source: MeowthThatsRite, Waewkidja / Magnific (not the actual photo)
#7
I was picking up a sofa from a guy I found on Kijiji and he stopped me right before leaving to see if I wanted to buy a mirror he was also looking to get rid of. I wasn’t really interested but my wife seemed keen so we stopped in the hallway to check it out. He said “It was a gift from my son in law. It’s a beautiful mid-century antique. I’ll let it go for $75.” He went on about what an amazing mirror it was and even told me “pick it up and feel how sturdy it is!”.
I picked it up (it was really heavy actually) and took a peek at the back and saw a sticker from Value Village with a $30 price tag. I kinda chuckled to myself and asked if he would go any lower than $75. He said “I really couldn’t”. Then I said “Well, I can see a tag from Value Village on the back here…”
We ended up getting the “mid-century antique” mirror for $15 and me and my wife still laugh about the amazing deal we got on it.
Image source: Draculad, magnific / Magnific (not the actual photo)
#8
“We will keep your resume on hand, and let you know if any other positions open up.”
As a recent graduate job searching, it hurts.
Image source: ImpaledLuck, Drazen Zigic/ Magnific (not the actual photo)
#9
My ex told me he was in a car accident, totaled his car, broke a few ribs. (He was trying to get sympathy so i would get back together with him.) Blaming the accident on me, since he was “Distracted” after the break up.
He sent me a photo of his car smashed in, i google searched it. First pic of his make/model that was wrecked. He formulated the story after the picture.
But here’s the deal, the wheels didn’t match. So i drove by his house that evening, car was fixed and in his driveway. “Oh yes, i paid the shop extra to get me in today. So i could have my car to come see you if you wanted me to…..”
HAHAHA bro.
Image source: Miskelaneous, edophoto / Magnific (not the actual photo)
#10
My co-worker once tried to convince me that centaurs exist. She said they lived in a gated community in Hollywood and did all the horse stunts for movies.
Did we both know it was a lie? Yes.
Did she ever admit it was? No and I admire that about her.
Image source: ThursdayNextian, diagazator / Magnific (not the actual photo)
#11
When I was a kid, the internet wasn’t a thing so, my friends were whoever happened to live in the neighborhood. One kid was a well known liar and exaggerator. We were maybe 14 years old at this time.
This kid could play guitar and was always talking himself up about it and talking about “his band.” He actually could play, but “his band” did not exist.
One day, I called him at his house, from my house. I don’t remember what it was about, but a few minutes into the conversation, told me, “by the way, I’m in Florida with my band”, just out of the blue. This was before even pagers were a common thing. I called him. At his house.
I just said something like, “uh huh. Ok.” and ended the conversation. I then proceeded to tell all the other kids in the neighborhood.
Image source: Knight_Owls, Pavel Danilyuk / Pexels (not the actual photo)
#12
My first watch was an omega and I saved up on high school to get it. One of my good friends back then asked to wear it for 1 period and would give it back at lunch. He begged and begged so as a hs kid I gave in or couldn’t keep saying no I guess, weak on me, obviously. Well, He smashed it (apparently smashed the glass to test it) gave it back and said it was a fake and that’s why the glass cracked and said he didn’t do it and it just fell apart. The jerk became a medical doctor and is now involved in politics and holds state office. I’m still pissed about the watch he never admitted he broke cuz he was salty and jealous. Jerk then, jerk now.
Image source: sunset117, Sporin71 / Reddit
#13
When my friend was an infant, her mother put her 2-year-old sibling in her crib while the mom left the room briefly. When mom came back, my friend was crying and had teeth marks on her forehead. When mom asked the older sibling what happened, she calmly said, “She bit herself.”
Image source: fritzj, Helena Lopes / Pexels (not the actual photo)
#14
I had a friend in college who was a serial lair. Just all kinds of crazy things, that must’ve satisfied some psychological need, all of it harmless. He told me he developed a theory on how to bend light passing through air and pitched the idea to the physics department, which set up and experiment and proved his theory to be true. He was a general studies major. I kept pressing him “Well which professor was it? How did the experiment work?” Etc. Just kept digging deeper and changing the subject.
Image source: thescrounger, 𝗛&𝗖𝗢 / Pexels (not the actual photo)
#15
I used to work with a guy that was a serial liar. Couldn’t tell the truth if his life depended on it.
So many lies, but this is my personal fave:
– background –
Keep in mind that at the NFL combine the 40 yard dash is the standard for speed. 4.5 seconds is great. 4.4 is elite. And the fastest time ever recorded – by a prospect is, I believe 4.24 seconds.
This yutz I worked with claimed that back in his army days, he ran a 4.2 flat – in combat boots.
Let’s just say I’m skeptical.
Image source: barto5, Pixabay / Pexels (not the actual photo)
#16
An employee of mine took a half day off so he could attend a parent-teacher conference in the afternoon. He was supposed to work the morning shift, but then called last-minute saying that it had all been bumped up and he couldn’t come in in the morning.
Then he kept saying that the meeting was getting dragged out all day, finally showing up around 4pm. He insisted that the school had bumped his appointment up to 10am, all the while forgetting that he was wearing a visitor’s badge sticker on his shirt that clearly said “checked in 2pm”.
Image source: mattSER, DC Studio / Magnific (not the actual photo)
#17
In the early 90’s I was at work making $5/hour, and a co-worker looked me straight in The eye and said he had bought a surface to air missile from China and kept it stored at him moms house in a different city. What the hell, dude? That’s not even close to believable.
Image source: AbeLincolnsBallsack, undefinedstock / Magnific (not the actual photo)
#18
When I was in highschool a classmate told me he makes over 20 dollars an hour part time as a banquet server.
I did the exact same job and made $6.30/hr. I told him he was straight up lying to me and he was adamant that he wasn’t. Told him to bring me a pay stub and prove it and he said “I don’t have one”.
This guy just regularly lied about all kinds of stuff but this was the first one I remember. I’ll never understand compulsive liars. (pretty sure our MANAGER wasn’t making 20 an hour ffs).
Image source: angrypunishment, freepic.diller / Magnific (not the actual photo)
#19
“I feel good enough today.”
For flight training, anytime you fly you have to sign off that you are physically and mentally fit to fly. This means you have eaten in the past 6 hours, had a 10 hour rest period including 6-8 hours of sleep no longer than 16 hours ago and that you do not have any excessive outside stresses.
People lie about this all the time.
Image source: CaptValentine, DC Studio / Magnific (not the actual photo)
#20
“No, you don’t look like you have gained any weight.”
To my sister at weigh in, recovering from severe anorexia.
Edit: I was the liar in this instance, obviously.
Image source: justputonsomemusic, jcomp / Magnific (not the actual photo)
#21
Yes the company has been sold, but the new owners are not making any changes in personnel.
I’ve been fired 3 times because of new owners.
Image source: Joegmcd, yakobchuk / Magnific (not the actual photo)
#22
“I see a future for us” – after he had accepted a job in another country that he hadn’t said he had applied for…
Image source: AliceLovesBooks, Drazen Zigic / Magnific (not the actual photo)
#23
My little girl told everyone in the supermarket that our cat passed and she was sad. We don’t own a cat.
Image source: VixenRoss, Александр Бойко / Magnific (not the actual photo)
#24
“I never said you had to sign the document if it wasnt true”
Says the person with three emails telling me to sign a document even after I said it wasn’t true sitting on her outbox.
Image source: Thalefeather, drobotdean / Magnific (not the actual photo)
#25
Mom opened the door to my closet illegal plants farm
Her: “what is this?”
Me, panicking: “eehhhhhh……. tomatoes?”
Her: “right… be careful with those lamps”
She never asked about my tomatoes
Edit: this happened in my apartment. She was looking for something and accidentally opened the closet.
Image source: dinneybabz, Barosanu / Magnific (not the actual photo)
#26
My friend told me that getting a Peloton changed her life. I looked up her workout stats & she had used it 4 times in 5 months of owning it. Her husband fared a little better with using it 9 times.
Don’t know why this annoyed me so much.
Image source: natasha_c, javi_indy / Magnific (not the actual photo)
#27
Used to play D&D with a pathological liar. (Side note, he had the most INCREDIBLE luck with natural 20 rolls.)
Another thing about this guy is he always tried to act like a macho tough guy too who had been in serious scrapes and such. So one time, unprompted, he said under his breath, but obviously wanting us to hear, “I’ve got to get this shrapnel out of me.”
We were just like, “sure man, whatever you need to do.”
EDIT: Just remembered another thing he did once that was even better— we were taking a break and several of us had just stepped away from the table so it was just me, him, and maybe one other person and he pulled out his phone and did that thing like in the movies where you don’t say “Hi” or anything he was just like “talk to me”. Pretended to have a very brief conversation and ended it with “I’m on it” or something like that and then hung up.
Image source: Underbash, magnific / Magnific (not the actual photo)
#28
“You’re the best I’ve ever had”
Edit: Thank you for the award kind stranger!
Image source: ignorantbarista, lookstudio / Magnific (not the actual photo)
#29
“If you tell me the truth, I won’t be mad.”
Image source: -eDgAR-, https://kaboompics.com/ / Pexels (not the actual photo)
#30
My classmate was watching videos during online class while she was unmuted and said it was a math video…
We were in Health class.
Image source: Samyron1, Bhupindra International Public School / Pexels (not the actual photo)
#31
when i was 16 i’d had a crush on one of my coworkers, and he’d liked me back. i thought things were going good until i asked him if he wanted to go out on our shared day off, he agreed, and then the day of cancelled and told me it was because he needed to take care of his fish.
plot twist here is that i’d told a few of my friends, two of which worked with me and the guy, and i went on and on about how rude it is of him to not even give me a believable lie. those friends were all hanging out and went to walmart that day, and ran into my crush….buying food and supplies for his fish. he told them how excited he was about the fish too. i felt like the biggest jerk.
Image source: funkcherry
#32
“I will be ready in five minutes” – never, never has that been the case.
Image source: Albanian_Tea
#33
Me coming up stairs to tell kid to hurry up and be ready to go out fifteen mins after already telling him and seeing him on his phone through the slightly open door.
Why the hell aren’t you ready yet, get the hell off your phone.
“I wasn’t on my phone.”
Image source: baconandeggsandbacon
#34
“If you tell a teacher the bullies will leave you alone”
That lie ruined my school life…..
Image source: Howl106
#35
The teacher said this assignment wasn’t required, or we would do it in class, or I promise I got it done!
Ugh, my kid and his homework are going to end us both!
Image source: Brief_Theory_1778
#36
A guy at work told me to my face in a meeting that I didn’t need to sign off on his task because my supervisor had already checked it. Which was weird, because my supervisor had been off all week and left me in charge.
He acted so shocked when I pointed this out, like, what, did a ghost check your work? He didn’t think his story through at all.
Image source: slightly2spooked
#37
“I can’t I’m going on a date at Chick-fil-A”
It was a Sunday.
Image source: greencattree
#38
Classmate in 8th grade insisted that he and his dad had done a deep sea dive down to the Titanic over winter break. Sure thing, Sam.
Image source: DingJones
#39
Something a family friend (FF) said when he got to the UK:
kid: but if you’re from South Africa, why aren’t you black?
FF: Well, when you cross the equator you turn white.
Image source: plant-aunt
#40
“I don’t tell lies”.
Might have been somewhat believable if she wasn’t known to be the biggest liar most of us had ever met.
Image source: StifferThanABoner
#41
I worked with a guy who was a compulsive liar. after working with several people like this over the years I have come to understand that it is an odd personality trait. So this guy is a New York Jets fan as I am. I asked him one day when the jets were good if he saw the playoff game last night. He told me he was at the game. He could not have been at the game because he was at work with me at kickoff.
Image source: kmurph72
#42
My niece with her homework: Oh, I understand how to do it, so I don’t need to do my homework.
Girl, your Ds and Fs say otherwise.
Image source: FeelTheWrath79
#43
there will be bonus’s next year.
Image source: russman2013
#44
This dish is delicious. (I’m a disgusting cook.)
Image source: Vaniskaf
#45
When a co-worker told my own story back to me as his own. Twice.
Image source: lurkity_mclurkington
#46
Loyalty to a company would be repaid.
Image source: LL112
#47
I’ve had toddlers with faces/hands/clothes covered in peanut butter swear up and down that their brother/sister was the one who ate the peanut butter.
Also, one of my favorites from a couple of years ago:
“I didn’t write that!” – Sean
Edit once more: Sean claimed he didn’t write that with his hands covered in the charcoal he used to write that.
Image source: -Words-Words-Words-
#48
Used to have a friend that spewed nonsense all the time. Told me her bio parents, who live together, were divorced and seeing other people, and also that she had 25 siblings. Brought it up to her mom one time, which was an interesting conversation. She also told us she had cancer, and then a week later it was miraculously cured.
Edit: spelling.
Image source: thursdayplurbonym
#49
My brother told me I was a dragon and I totally believed him. Man I was a dumb kid, but now I’m a dumb Adult.
Image source: ChristOnABike122
#50
My supervisor was pissed off at me after we had some issues and she told me “excuse me I want to go to the toilet” while she truly went to release her anger to other coworkers. She should have taken them farther for I could hear her. Stupid.
Image source: -LittleMissSunshine
#51
There was once my parents told me that Santa wasn’t real. I knew he was because I saw him break open the door in with a crowbar and carried a large bag.
Image source: Riickrolll
#52
It’s not you, it’s me.
Image source: Theycallmewillus
#53
“Nobody has more respect for women than I do.”
Image source: TimeToRock
#54
A friend told me to come and visit (a 120 mile journey) because he was off work.
He was at work when I arrived.
Image source: bloodgutsandpunkrock
#55
“I did not feed your dog any human food” – my mom, while my dog pukes all over my house.
Image source: Hambushed
#56
“I’m on my way” while lying on the bed contemplating if I should go or not.
Image source: _sassqueen_
#57
Every time my 5 year old swears she has brushed her teeth. Your breath tells me a different story, kid.
Image source: MadamNerd
#58
a high school drop out who insisted she knew more about nutrition than me, a board certified physician.
Image source: DefrockedWizard1
#59
“I’m not into drama”.
Image source: TheDrLegend
#60
No specific example, but when a fully grown adult tells you a story that just completely doesn’t add up – whether it’s a reason they didn’t finish a task, or didn’t want to come and meet up, and it literally doesn’t make any sense. Like, if you’re going to lie about why you did/didn’t do something, at least have the decency to make it believable SMH…
Image source: Amastarism
#61
I’m told numerous lies every day.
Like somehow I’m supposed to be able to find a job in a world that only values me cheerful disposition.
Well I’m not cheerful. And I can’t find a job.
Image source: AdPrestigious9341
#62
Someone once told my own story back to me. I told them something funny that happened to me, and 6 mos later they told me back my own story, only that it happened to them.
Image source: Beautiful_Yoghurt278
#63
“We care for your privacy”
-Facebook.
Image source: The_Yakobliuu
#64
Our 6 year-old foster child swearing he washed his hair…it was perfectly dry. LMAO. He would not back off the lie either.
Image source: Caspers_Shadow
#65
That my dad hadn’t touched a single button on the remote and all the channels had become spanish on their own.
Image source: tjsalierno
#66
My best friend’s ex-fiance tried to get us to believe that she was part of the Russian mafia and had ended 30 people. We’re in our late 20s.
Image source: mycatiswatchingyou
#67
Put in the overtime now and you’ll be rewarded later on.
Image source: Smeddy65
#68
“Nobody is biased against men, stop it!”
Image source: Elegant-Sector8993
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