Family reunions should be fun for everyone, not just a select few. But unfortunately, some of your relatives might have bad habits. Like dumping their parental responsibilities on others. Look, we get it, you want to chill, but it’s not fair to everyone else.
Sometimes, saying “no” to a favor you don’t want to do doesn’t work. So, like internet user u/tiancrow, you might need to look for, shall we say, a more creative solution. The woman shared how she and her girlfriend pretended to get tipsy just to avoid babysitting duty. Read on to find out what happened, how the family reacted, and what the net had to say about this tactic.
If you’re told to babysit everyone’s kids at a family reunion, you might not have any time to relax
Luis Becerra Fotógrafo / Pexels (not the actual photo)
This woman found a creative but ethically iffy way to get out of babysitting duty
Nataliya Vaitkevich / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Анастасия Триббиани / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Her family was furious when they learned the truth
Picas Joe / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Telling someone “no” when you’ve genuinely got other priorities is a good way to avoid burnout and resentment
Boundaries lie at the core of happy and healthy relationships. And yet, you want to be kind and flexible enough to support your family, friends, and loved ones when they need it, even when it’s slightly inconvenient for you. So, it’s a tough balance to find between your wants and needs on the one hand, and those of your community on the other hand.
A good rule of thumb to keep in mind is that you should never say “yes” to anything that you genuinely can’t do, merely due to social pressure and unreasonable expectations. If someone asks you for a favor that is unrealistic, unfair, or unfeasible, it is perfectly fine to say “no.”
You don’t have to be mean, rude, or act all insulted. You don’t have to go into super long explanations about why you’d love to help but can’t because of this and that. And, to be honest, you don’t have to pretend to be tipsy to avoid babysitting. All you need is a bit of openness and honesty (no matter how awkward initially) so that you get on the same page. And if your relatives are emotionally mature adults, they’ll totally get you.
Saying “no” and setting simple, healthy boundaries helps protect your mental health and also limits the stress you experience. It also allows you to avoid regret later on when you start wishing you could prioritize your own needs more. Again, it is perfectly okay to say “no” without giving an explanation.
“By setting clear boundaries, you protect your time and energy, minimizing stress and resentment. Saying no, when necessary, ensures you prioritize what truly matters to you without damaging relationships,” Verywell Mind states.
That’s easier said than done, however. Especially if you have people-pleaser tendencies. If you want approval and avoid disappointing others, you might hesitate to protect your boundaries. You end up taking on extra tasks when you’re already pressed for time and energy.
“Friends and family are also the ones who know you the best, so they often can phrase their requests in a way that is guaranteed to get a positive response. Because of this, finding ways to set boundaries and say no to friends and family can be especially important. In such cases, simply saying no and firmly standing your ground is often the best strategy,” Verywell Mind explains.
SHVETS production / Pexels (not the actual photo)
There are different ways to protect your boundaries, and it helps to know your ‘audience’
“You might opt to tell them why you can’t comply with their request, but you also don’t owe other people explanations, even if they are family. Instead, state ‘No, I’m sorry, but I won’t be able to make it’ and repeat as needed if they persist.”
If you’re on the fence about agreeing to a request or saying “no,” take a break and consider a few things first. Ask yourself whether saying “yes” supports your goals and aligns with your values. Ask yourself whether agreeing to the request will stop you from doing something else that’s more important to you. Ask yourself whether agreeing to the request will help or hurt your mental well-being, and whether it will add stress.
In short, do a quick, realistic, and honest cost-benefit analysis in your mind. It’s an awful feeling when you agree to do something you don’t want to do, only to end up feeling guilty and frustrated with yourself and others.
If saying “no” outright scares you, you can delay the decision. Stall for time, say you’ll think about it. Then, actually think about it when you’re not under social pressure to comply with whatever favor someone’s asking of you.
Meanwhile, if you need to be even more diplomatic and emotionally sensitive, you can always phrase your refusal as part of the ‘sandwich method.’ Essentially, you tell someone “no” by placing it in between supportive and positive comments.
We’d like to hear your perspectives and experiences, too, Pandas. Who usually gets saddled with babysitting all the munchkins at your family reunions? How do you say “no” to your loved ones without sounding like a jerk? How far would you go to protect your boundaries if someone tried to outsource their parenting responsibilities to you? Let us know. We’ll meet you in the comments section.
The author answered internet users’ questions and shared more context in the comments
People online opened up about what they really thought about the situation at the family reunion
Not everyone supported the woman’s plan. Some netizens called her out and explained why
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