For parents, welcoming a new baby into their family is always one of the happiest days of their lives. After months of anticipation, they finally get to shower their new addition with love and start their journey through life together.
Naturally, the baby’s grandparents will be thrilled about this as well. But it’s important that they respect the parents’ boundaries, or they might not get to be as involved as they imagined. One new mom reached out to the internet for advice after she became extremely fed up with her mother-in-law’s behavior. Below, you’ll find the full story, as well as some of the replies invested readers shared.
It’s only natural for grandparents to be thrilled about the addition of a new baby into the family
Image credits: efurorstudio-1 / Magnific (not the actual photo)
But when this woman’s mother-in-law tried to take over, she knew that she would have to set some strict boundaries
Image credits: DC Studio / Magnific (not the actual photo)
Image credits: user7003113 / Magnific (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Existing_Pudding3367
Later, the author replied to a few comments and provided some more details about her situation
It’s easy for grandparents to accidentally overstep when a new baby arrives
It’s understandable for the entire family to be overjoyed when a new baby arrives. Aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings, and grandparents will be thrilled about getting to see the new addition to the family and showering them with presents and affection. But they have to remember that the child’s parents are in charge. So if they want some space, they should be allowed to have it.
We all know that it’s common for in-laws to have trouble getting along. But their relationships can become even more tumultuous once there’s a baby in the picture. Amy Morrison, founder of Pregnant Chicken, explains that there are several boundaries that in-laws often have trouble respecting once they have a grandchild.
First, there’s the surprise pop-in. It may not seem like a big deal to them, but this can be extremely stressful for the parents who are fully focused on taking care of their baby and squeezing in naps whenever they can.
Sometimes grandparents also begin to feel like they’re in competition with one another. They might feel that it’s unfair if the other set of grandparents has seen the baby more than they have, leading them to believe that they’re entitled to more time with the child.
Just like the mother in this story mentioned, in-laws can also turn into parenting critics when there’s a new baby around. They might believe that they know everything about raising kids and that their way is the only right way. But criticizing a new mom or dad is one of the easiest ways to ensure that you won’t be invited back into their home.
Finally, Morrison notes that providing “help” that’s not helpful at all and staying for a marathon visit can be extremely frustrating for new parents too. So how can the mom and dad set boundaries with these eager grandparents?
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Going no contact with a toxic mother-in-law is sometimes necessary
Morrison says it’s best if these conversations start before the baby even arrives. This gives the grandparents time to mentally prepare and understand the boundaries before baby fever takes over their minds.
It’s also best to use positive framing when setting boundaries. Instead of telling your in-laws what they can’t do, tell them to provide some notice before they visit to ensure that you’re home and that it’s a good time to see the baby.
Meanwhile, each person should deal with their own parents. If your spouse’s mom and dad are the ones who have trouble respecting boundaries, your spouse shouldn’t have a problem explaining to them when they are welcome. It’s a lot easier to diffuse tension when it’s a child talking to their parents, rather than a daughter-in-law speaking to her mother-in-law.
Now, the new mom in this story is considering going no contact with her husband’s mother, due to the way that she’s been treated. While this should often be seen as a last resort, therapist Figs O’Sullivan says that it might be justified in the case of dealing with a narcissistic mother-in-law.
If boundaries have been repeatedly set and broken, you and your partner may make the joint decision to either temporarily or permanently go no contact.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. What would you do if you were in the author’s shoes? Then, if you’re looking for another article from Bored Panda discussing similar family drama, look no further than right here.
Readers gave the new mom a reality check and pointed out how inappropriate her husband’s behavior has been
Then, the author responded to readers again and shared a brief update on her situation
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