Boomers are in a difficult place right now. The world is moving considerably faster than anyone prepared them for. Photos live in a cloud instead of an album, house prices are somehow connected to avocado toast, and romantic preference is a spectrum rather than a simple binary that everyone agreed on decades ago.
None of this is entirely their fault. The landscape shifted, and not everyone got the memo at the same speed. One dad only got delivered this message at the ripe old age of 65, when his daughter’s husband-to-be enjoyed baking and The Golden Girls a little more than his me-tarzan-you-jane brain could handle.
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Boomers are navigating a world that is moving faster than anyone prepared them for, often creating a situation that nobody handles perfectly on the first try
Image credits: Drazen Zigic / Magnific (not the actual photo)
Stan, Dina’s fiancé, baked, knew every Broadway musical, spent a long time on his hair, and his new father-in-law had defended him every time someone raised an eyebrow
Image credits: freepik / Magnific (not the actual photo)
But one day, a woman he knew broke the news to the father-in-law that Stan had dated her son for more than 2 years
Image credits: seventyfour / Magnific (not the actual photo)
The narrator sat his daughter, Dina, down to deliver what he believed was life-changing news about her fiancé’s past
Image credits: SkelDry / Magnific (not the actual photo)
The parents discovered that their daughter had known the whole time and was furious he had brought it up
Image credits: freepik / Magnific (not the actual photo)
Not long after, Stan arrived at their house and came out as pansexual to his future in-laws
Image credits: Direct-Caterpillar77
The father came out of the whole experience more educated and more accepting than he went in; the mother is still working through it
Stan had been in the picture for two years, engaged to Dina for seven months, and by every measure was a wonderful addition to the family. He baked, he knew every Broadway musical, and he took a long time with his hair. The father had defended him every time, told people Stan was just who he was, and meant it. Then he ran into a woman whose son had dated Stan for two years.
He told his wife, and they agreed Dina needed to know, and they sat her down. Her reaction was not relief or gratitude. She called him a terrible human being, told him to mind his own business, accused him of trying to embarrass Stan, and stormed out. She stopped taking their calls entirely. The father was at a loss.
The father, to his credit, admitted he knew very little about the LGBTQ spectrum and started researching. A week later, Stan came to their house and came out as pansexual, explaining that he is attracted to people rather than genders, that he is monogamous, and that he genuinely loves Dina and wants to spend his life with her. The father told him he was loved and accepted. Full stop.
The harder conversation was with Dina, who admitted she had known all along but had been afraid her politically conservative parents would not accept him. She had buried the information so thoroughly that having it surface caused her to panic, and in her panic, she told Stan his secret was out and that he needed to claim he had been confused and was now fully straight.
Stan nearly ended the engagement over that demand. Dina came back, apologized to both Stan and her parents, acknowledged she could not make him something he was not, and confirmed she loved him exactly as he was. The father is still learning. He is trying. And the wedding is still on.
Image credits: freepik /Magnific (not the actual photo)
Pansexuality is an orientation defined by the potential for attraction to people regardless of their gender identity. Where being bisexual is typically understood as attraction to two or more genders, pansexuality specifically emphasizes that gender is not a determining factor in attraction at all. It is a legitimate and well-documented orientation, not a phase, not confusion, and not greediness.
Stonewall addresses that particular misconception. The fact that someone has the potential to be attracted to people of any gender does not mean they are attracted to everyone, any more than a straight person is attracted to every person of the opposite gender they encounter. Pansexuality does not make someone more likely to cheat, less capable of commitment, or constantly in pursuit of other partners.
What Dina had been doing, however, is something that relationship counselors specifically warn against. Temples Council advises that pretending a partner’s history does not affect you does not make it go away. It buries it, and buried things tend to resurface at the worst possible moments, which is exactly what happened when her father showed up with Facebook photos.
She had filed the information somewhere she did not have to look at it, and when it was forced back into the light, she panicked in a way that nearly ended her engagement. The healthier path, as the counselors suggest, is to actually talk about it, feel the feelings, and decide together how to move forward.
She got there eventually. So did her father. The mother is still working through it, which at least is honest, and honesty, as this whole story demonstrates, is considerably less destructive than the alternative.
Who do you think is the villain in this story? Share your thoughts in the comments!
The internet rallied behind the dad, applauding him for his willingness to learn and accept
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