Some couples are high-school sweethearts, or friends, who grew into adulthood together. They’ve been through a lot and know each other pretty well. Or so you’d think… But the story we’re about to share proves that there might be a completely different person lurking within the one you think you know best.
A 23-year-old woman has told how she met her current long-term boyfriend when she was 12. They started dating when they were 19, after a “great” friendship. Little did she know that he had gone out of his way to get close to her, even stalking her for years before finally asking her out. The BF’s drunken confession has creeped her out, but some netizens have shrugged it off as “cute.”
She had a “secret admirer” throughout her teenage years, and some of his behavior left her feeling unsettled
Image credits: wirestock_creators / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Imagine her shock when it emerged years later that the culprit was none other than her current long-term boyfriend
Image credits: Alena Darmel / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Ron Lach / Pexels (not the actual photo)
“From ages 12-18”: the woman later clarified a few things and explained why she’s so concerned
Image credits: Marcelo Cidrack / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
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Image credits: Tan Danh / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Stalker vs Secret Admirer: what’s the difference?
The Cambridge Dictionary defines “stalking” as the crime of illegally following and watching someone over a period of time. The same dictionary describes a “secret admirer” as a person who likes another person but does not say so.
Some argue that the difference between the two comes down to boundaries, respect and intent. For example, a secret admirer might send someone the odd anonymous note, card or bunch of flowers, but a stalker would go the extra mile by hiding out in the bushes, secretly spying on their victim, or deliberately scaring them.
That said, there is a fine line between the two…
Interestingly, the experts over at the Stalking Prevention, Awareness, & Resource Center (SPARC) say that victims are unlikely to use the words ‘stalking’ or ‘harassment’ when talking about their situation. And many aren’t aware that what’s happening to them amounts to stalking.
SPARC categorizes stalking behaviors into four strategies: Surveillance, Life Invasion, Intimidation, and Interference through sabotage or attack. The center’s site adds that most stalkers engage in multiple tactics to scare their victims.
“Unfortunately, there is no single psychological or behavioral profile that predicts what stalkers will or will not do. Stalkers’ behaviors can escalate from more indirect ways of making contact (like phone calls or texts) to more direct contact (like delivering gifts or showing up where you are),” explains SPARC.
According to SPARC’s team, surveillance is the most commonly identified stalking tactic. It includes watching and gathering information about the victim.
“Life invasion describes ways that the offender is showing up in the victim’s life without the victim’s consent,” adds the site. “It is referred to as invasion because it means entry directly or through electronic means into the private sphere of victim lives—even though it can occur in public settings.” Life invasion can include excessive contact, showing up, spreading rumors, and/or sending gifts.
Intimidation may include threats towards the victim, or their friends, family or pets. It can also include blackmail, or symbolic acts of violence like burning a doll.
“Stalkers may interfere in a victim’s life in many ways, affecting everything from the victim’s reputation to their employment and/or physical safety,” explains SPARC. “A common and significant consequence is victims losing financial and other resources, which can quickly spiral.”
In a final update, she revealed that she may consider ending things
People had mixed reactions, with some left horrified and others thinking the BF’s behavior was “cute”
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