Let’s be honest – our society has always been quite ambivalent about adopted children; just think of that notorious scene from The Avengers with Thor’s dubious joke about Loki. While it’s true that very decent adoptive parents who make their children’s lives happy are very common, the opposite is also true.
For instance, the narrator of our story today was adopted by her half-brother as a child, but over time, it seems, her adoptive parents began to view their act as more of a favor to her. And the other children in the family, unfortunately, took this attitude as well…
More info: Reddit
Adopted kids sometimes get raised in a very toxic environment, and it actually impacts their entire life
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The author of the post lost her bio parents as a child, and then got adopted by her half-brother and his wife
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There were many kids in the family, too, and the author was the second-oldest among them
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However, the oldest sibling, let’s call him “Chad,” was always overly hostile towards the author, and sometimes voiced this in public
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For example, one day Chad claimed at school that he had nothing to do with the author, since she was adopted
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Years later, after graduating from high school, Chad married and moved in with his wife’s family
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When they had a baby, it was the author whom Chad’s wife asked to babysit him when they wanted to party one day
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It turned out that the baby had gotten used to crying at night, and the parents weren’t able to calm him down
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The author admits she can sometimes not sleep at night at all, so they probably considered her to be the best babysitting option
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So the woman actually had quite a calm time babysitting the cute baby overall
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The issues were that, firstly, the parents came back three hours later than promised, and secondly, Chad once more told her that she’s not his family at all
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The author just stormed out of the house, but Chad’s wife also held a grudge against him, since she also had an adopted sister
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Then, when another of the author’s sisters was going to get married, the woman found out she was expected to sit at the guests’ table, not at the family one
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Moreover, most of her photos were taken down from the walls at her family home
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The author was deeply offended by this, nearly devastated, and considered even cutting all ties with her family
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However, she showed up at the wedding and had a great time, as some siblings sat at her table as well
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Yes, the siblings deliberately changed their seats to be close to the author
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Another issue for the author’s family was her coming out as a lesbian, since her relatives turned out to be toxic homophobes
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For instance, one of the author’s siblings even dared to dub her a “demon” and “devil” just for dating a woman
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The author believed that it was a very traumatic experience for her, as she expected some support from her family, not criticism
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Then, when Chad announced their second baby was coming soon, the author vowed to herself she wouldn’t babysit for them anymore
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Finally, the author realized that all these people around her always considered her a stranger, not a loved one
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So, the woman tried to burn all bridges with her toxic family and start her life anew with a loving person by her side
So, the original poster (OP) was left alone as a child due to tragic events in her biological family. She was taken away by social services, but then her half-brother, who is fifteen years older than her, and his wife adopted her. Thus, the author became one of six kids in a large family, but the attitude towards her remained mixed.
For example, her older brother, “Chad,” always treated her like a complete nobody, and once, at school, he publicly declared that the original poster wasn’t his family because she was adopted. Meanwhile, the rest of the family still tried to remain rather polite, diligently pretending they were all one family.
When, a couple of years later, Chad got married right after high school and went to live with his wife’s family, it was the OP who was asked to babysit their kid when the parents wanted to party. She said “Yes,” but Chad and his wife, firstly, instead of arriving at midnight as promised, showed up around three in the morning, and secondly, when she asked if “bro” wanted to thank her, he said his attitude toward her hadn’t changed at all.
The final straw for our heroine was the wedding of one of her younger half-sisters, when she discovered she wasn’t even wanted as a participant in the ceremony and was assigned seating at the guest table, not the family table. Moreover, when she arrived at her parents’ home for a family gathering dedicated to the upcoming wedding, the OP saw that almost all of her photos had been removed from the walls…
So the author thought: if this is how she was being treated, shouldn’t she simply cut all ties with these toxic “relatives?” After all, family is ideally a circle of people who support and help, making our lives easier. But if interaction with “family” brings nothing but constant stress, wouldn’t it be better to just burn all bridges?
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Considering that the original poster in the updates points to a very traumatic experience with her biological parents, the issue of support after adoption in an adoptive family was more pressing than ever for her. However, it really seems the half-brother and his spouse viewed this more as a favor they were doing for the child.
Experts also emphasize the importance of support from adoptive parents in the adaptation of children with trauma to a new family. For example, this study, published at SAGE, clearly shows that the outcome of adoption is greatly influenced by early negative events in a child’s life. And, well, the author had experienced many of these.
This dedicated article by the BBC also notes that many adoptive families simply fail to cope with the difficult task of properly supporting a child with trauma. And often, they only make things worse. This is partly due to the lack or absence of post-adoption support, and partly due to the inexperience of the adoptive parents themselves.
In any case, our heroine also noted that she did attend the wedding, and it was actually a great memory. Yes, she sat at the guest table, but later her other younger siblings joined her, and they all had a wonderful time. However, several years later, in her most recent update, the OP admitted that she had completely burned her bridges with her relatives.
The final straw was the completely unhealthy and aggressive reaction of her adoptive mother and some of her siblings to her coming out. The OP was called a “demon” and a “devil” simply for dating a woman! Well, now, years later, she’s trying to start her life anew, with a loving person around, and hopes that everything will work out. So what do you, our dear readers, think of this story?
Most commenters gave the author their support, claiming that she should’ve actually blocked her toxic relatives years ago
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