Sibling rivalry is a tale as old as time, especially in a big household. Personally, I’m the youngest sibling, with a sister who spoiled me rotten, so that rivalry never went beyond me being jealous that my sister wasn’t paying enough attention to my very annoying five-year-old self. Unfortunately, sometimes these feuds go well beyond sisterly jealousy.
Which is exactly what we’ll be talking about today. In this story, the middle child — because of course it’s the middle child — shares her struggles as the neglected daughter. However, while the neglected middle child is often treated as a joke across social media, in this particular story, it is very much a real nightmare situation, filled with gaslighting and toxicity.
Read more: Reddit
It is not easy to feel neglected when compared to your own siblings, when parenting styles should have been the same
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A daughter reached out for advice after feeling neglected by her own parents, who had clear favorites
Image credits: Jonathan Valdes / Pexels (not the actual photo)
For years, the daughter didn’t have a birthday party, which was a mandatory tradition in her household
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Despite voicing her emotions about being constantly excluded, the family kept undermining her feelings
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The woman has kept most of her family on low contact, but not everyone was lucky enough to be forgiven
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Turns out, the family realized the mother had been the problem all along, pitting everyone against the middle daughter
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Ultimately, the mother got what she deserved, even if it meant tearing a family apart
The OP (original poster) is the middle child of three siblings, and the mother of two biological kids and one stepchild through marriage. She explains that throughout her life, her mother maintained a tradition of making home-cooked meals for her children’ (and later, her grandkid’s) birthdays. However, that tradition seemed to fade as they grew into adulthood — but only for the OP.
Because her birthday falls in December, she understands that it’s a hard time for a party, but eventually her mother actively refused to celebrate her birthday or her kids’ birthdays, all while continuing the tradition for the other two siblings. And it wasn’t just birthdays — she also refused to throw the OP a baby shower, despite having hosted two parties for the eldest daughter.
That said, the siblings are also part of the problem, albeit not the biggest part. The OP shares that she has even witnessed her two sisters, right in front of her, planning a trip to her dream place without inviting her along. Throughout all of this, every time the OP shared her feelings, those around her dismissed her as “dramatic” and told her to “get over it.”
Even when the OP got engaged, which happened to be right before Father’s Day, and something she intentionally kept to herself until the day had passed, her niece noticed the ring and pointed it out. Her oldest sister reportedly just replied, “Yeah, I see the effing thing.” It’s an incredibly bizarre situation, and the OP turns to the internet to ask whether she’s overthinking things or being unreasonable.
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Surprisingly, though, this doesn’t appear to be a case of so-called “middle child syndrome.” In fact, experts point out that “middle child syndrome” isn’t a formally recognized psychological condition. While birth order can influence personality and family dynamics, it doesn’t necessarily determine how much attention someone receives from their parents, even if it feels like it might.
Nonetheless, in an update, the OP shares that she ultimately had to cut ties with her mother after realizing that she was the main instigator. After the lady went no-contact, the mother started targeting the author’s niece instead, berating her, trying to alienate her through insults, which, frankly, may even point to a potential disorder at hand.
Mental health pros often refer to the act of involving a third person in a conflict to influence or control others as triangulation. The goal is typically to create division and isolate a specific person, commonly related to NPD or BPD. The mother’s behavior does appear to align with this pattern, and since she lost her favorite target, she seemingly found a new one.
How do you deal with people like this? Well, experts say that if setting boundaries doesn’t work, then you just have to do what the OP did, and step away from the drama altogether. Commentators also agreed that this was the best approach the OP could take, and even though she forgave her siblings and father, many of them did say she had to set boundaries with everyone. What would you have done differently here?
Netizens were even concerned for the woman, saying the siblings didn’t deserve as much grace as she gave them
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