Our pets are always there for us and around us, so if dogs could talk, they most certainly would have something interesting to share with us. After all, they sit there silently, listening to us talk, gathering information. We’ve had a glimpse of just how much they are around us in dog movies. However, these days animal communication involves us, the owners, asking them a question and then answering it ourselves. If dogs could do the second part themselves, everything would change overnight. With talking animals, we could have a full-fledged conversation about important topics.
One of the topics that would surely come up with our talking dogs would be fear. They seem to fear everything moving in the world. A leaf falls from a tree onto a window — barking. A horse rides past the house, and your dog sees it. What follows that sight is pretty clear — more barking. If they could talk, we could explain that a leaf is not an intruder and that the local horse will not eat them on sight. Simple things like these could easily (let’s hope so, at least) be explained to them if they could talk. On the other hand, since they hear us gossiping with friends and enemies, dogs might also act as double agents. A talking dog would have a lot to share with the world. Thus, the next time you talk about juicy gossip with your neighbor, be careful. When they gain the ability to converse with people (it’s only a matter of time), they might betray you. Be warned!
Ever wonder — “If my dog could talk, what would he say?” If you have, so did the user Mantistobogganohyh. Interested in what other people think, he asked an interesting question on the popular AskReddit group — “Your dog has heard all of your conversations, arguments, and deepest secrets. It suddenly learns to talk. What would you do?” In the list below, we compiled the best answers we found. If you agree with the answer, upvote it. On the other hand, if you have your own opinion on what your four-legged friend would say, share it in the comments below.
#1
“Let’s be honest… it’s our cats that we really need to worry about.”
Image source: vanilla_wombat
#2
“Hey, can we go for a walk?”
“No.”
“How about some treats?”
“Later.”
“Cool, but about that walk?”
“Not right now.”
“I heard someone mention treats earlier? Is it dinner time yet? Can we go for a walk?”
Image source: heysharkdontdothat
#3
“Honestly I’d just want to know what happened to her before I got her from a rescue, what made her so scared.”
Image source: alwaysiamdead
#4
“We could sit down and have a discussion about how claw trimming is NOT the most terrifying thing in the world, I promise.”
Image source: NibbleFish
#5
“Why do I feel like this would become Donkey out of Shrek’s scenario?”
Image source: EngineerCraggles
#6
“I’d just be happy he could finally tell me what he’s barking at.”
Image source: dfreinc
#7
“He’d ask me why I always wanna shower alone. Or go to the bathroom alone… Or why I leave him alone while he’s using his bathroom.”
Image source: Lumpy_Tumbleweed
#8
“My doggo can talk? I don’t have any worries. I just finally have a loyal friend I can communicate with.”
Image source: Seelengst
#9
“Discredit the witness:
‘Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury! You can’t trust this dog! He’ll say anything for a treat. He has no education and doesn’t even know the dogs on TV aren’t actually in his house.'”
Image source: Angus_MacPhee
#10
“I would just bribe him with dog treats and ask ‘Who’s a good boy?’
But again, his answer would probably be ‘Not you Dave. Not you.'”
Image source: Aintou420
#11
“Delete all my friend’s numbers from my phone, I no longer need humans.”
Image source: kodaxmax
#12
“Apologise for calling him a potato all the time.
Maybe encourage him to actually run on his walks too, so he looks less like a potato.”
Image source: lurkbehindthescreen
#13
“My dog would 100% roast me for hours on end. Send me back to the therapist why don’t ya.”
Image source: MoonSimp
#14
“Ask him if he likes the name I gave him.”
Image source: crywaterflame
#15
“Ask him why the f*ck he’s been quiet all these years when I’ve CLEARLY been asking for his opinion.”
TannedCroissant replied:
“Oh, you want my opinion now huh? Maybe you should have asked my opinion before you had my balls chopped off!”
Image source: RhinocerosBubbles
#16
“One of my dogs is loyal and keeps my secrets. The other would definitely require negotiations and bribes.”
Tabnam replied:
“Your other dog is a cat.”
Image source: Stranger0nReddit
#17
“Apologise for baby talking to him… In baby talk.”
User replied:
“I’m sowwy fow spweaking to you like a wittle beebee you good pupper.”
Image source: Schlachtfeld-21
#18
“Get that talking dog on the internet ASAP. Screw my secrets, I need that talking dog money.”
Image source: I_might_be_weasel
#19
“I would ask why at exactly 7 o’clock every night, he decides it’s time to wrestle.”
Image source: aghrivaine
#20
“Why do you have to take 30 minutes looking for the perfect spot to poop when you know I’m in a hurry? What is it you look for?”
Image source: OzzyDad
#21
“My dog is unquestionably loyal. I’m not worried.”
AndroidMyAndroid replied:
“Every dog is unquestionably loyal until they hear the treat bag.”
Image source: codenameZora
#22
“Honestly, it would be the best day of my life. My dog is the absolute freaking best. No matter how low I am, he’s ready for a cuddle and a game of tug-of-war, to make me laugh unexpectedly, or to look at me with his big brown eyes and get to take him on a walk and shake off the fog.
I’d love to hear what he has to say and to watch him use another tool to be the absolute greatest, best boy.”
Image source: BryceCanYawn
#23
“Ask him if I was the right one or the a*shole in all those arguments.”
Image source: Ok_Twist1802
#24
“Ask her to tell me what all the different barks mean, and, if she can talk with other animals, what those sounds mean!”
Image source: climbrchic
#25
“It’s not so much what he’s heard as it is what he’s seen that concerns me.”
Image source: Funny-Struggle117
#26
“Make a plea deal to give them all the treats and love in the world and they can lay on the couch whenever they’d like to.”
Image source: Sharphunter231
#27
“Probably get some AirPods cause the dog won’t shut up if that happens.”
Image source: twonightsstand
#28
“Oh God, my dog having the realization she could actually ask me for things might be the worst.”
Image source: Player8
#29
“I’d have so many questions. Did she remember her family? Does she miss them? Is she happy? What was your life like before me? And then I would tell her a lot of things about how much I love her. And tell her to leave the room when I’m being intimate, please.”
Image source: dykezo
#30
“Ask him where all my socks went.”
Image source: TheCleanAward
#31
“Hire a lawyer.”
Image source: reddit.com
#32
“I would be extraordinarily thankful so I would know what the f*ck she wants all the time.”
Image source: reirone
#33
“My dog has a deep fear of horses or the big dogs. We live in a Mennonite area. Buggies go by hourly at minimum.
I just want to explain to her that the horses won’t eat her.”
Image source: alwaysiamdead
#34
“I would remind him that I saved him from a dog shelter and that snitches get stitches.”
Image source: lilmonitrechas
#35
“I’d ask him to please stop sniffing everyone’s crotch.”
Image source: mallamange
#36
“What the heck, you can talk?”
“Yep, and I know everything.”
“So..?”
“First, the cat has to go.”
Image source: reddit.com
#37
“Hard to talk while constantly licking peanut butter off the roof of their mouth.”
Image source: BBO1007
#38
“I know a joke! A squirrel walks up to a tree and says, ‘I forgot to store acorns for the winter and now I am dead.’ It’s funny because the squirrel gets dead!”
Image source: Roxas1011
#39
“Explain to her fat for dogs is a term of endearment.”
Image source: ArnolduAkbar
#40
“Start a podcast.”
Image source: youngstirfry
#41
“I don’t have a dog but I’m guessing you find out if it’s really your best friend or not.”
Image source: RIP_Vladimir_Lenin
#42
“My dog would comment on all the little annoying things I do. He would point out all the hair that’s mine on the floor. Anytime I drag mud in the house he would watch at me and make me clean my feet off and tell me I have to go take a bath.”
Image source: treetreestwigbranch
#43
“My dog is so stupid, he would tell me all the dumb stuff he’s planning on doing before he does it.
‘Oh, I see you accidentally left that candy bar on the counter, Mom. Don’t worry, I’ll eat that for you.'”
Image source: Eva_Luna
#44
“Hug them, they’re my boys. Then, ask if that kibble actually tastes like salmon.”
Image source: weirdmankleptic
#45
“Buy as many dog bones as I could so he wouldn’t talk. It’s been me and him since I was 20, now I’m 28 now and I have made many mistakes that he has been a witness too.”
Image source: devon050592
#46
“Get a new dog because I only have a dog to not be judged.”
Image source: bluesnacks
#47
“I will make him play my favorite board games with me since he definitely knows all the rules.”
Image source: mashedpopatoes
#48
“I guarantee he has already forgotten anything incriminating.”
Image source: MrSpider-man21
#49
“My Chihuahua… Well, she would definitely blackmail me… She is already really manipulative. If she doesn’t get attention and my sister is near, then she will suddenly cry out as you stepped on her, even if you aren’t even close to her. And then she waits for my sister to run towards her, pick her up and cuddle her. She enjoys then, how my sister scolds the innocent soul, who is in the room with her.”
Image source: ReadThisStuff
#50
“Find out what she really wants to eat. I have the one dog in the universe that is pickier than a cat about food.”
Image source: csiren
#51
“Hey, pup.”
“What’s up, human?”
“Don’t tell Mom about the song I just made. She won’t like it.”
“Aight.”
Image source: Mavrik2025
#52
“Have deep intellectual conversations with him every night. He would understand all my quirks and what makes me tick.
The perfect in-home therapist.”
Image source: RmeMSG
#53
“I would apologize for the taxidermy jokes.”
Image source: AlienAP
#54
“So buddy, we’re going to my aunt’s farm.”
Image source: GoldFringeOwl
#55
“I’d have an honest discussion that he needs to start being nice to other dogs all the time, not just when he feels like it. I’d also ask him why he stopped wanting to sleep in my room.”
Image source: Tawny_Harpy
#56
“Whooooo likes dark chocolate? You do! Num num no snitchy snitching baby, night night.”
Image source: grass-snake-40
#57
“My dog would kill me before I get to it.”
Image source: drownthemedia
#58
“I guess we’re having dog soup for dinner.”
Image source: stavago
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