While insulting isn’t very nice and it’s meant to hurt someone’s feelings, sometimes you can’t help but admire the creativity of it. Especially if it’s not something banal like a slur or other profanity.
They are actually quite fun to analyze and leave you wondering why such a comparison was made. Sometimes they are so out-of-the-box that you may not understand if it was even meant as an insult.
Today we will look through such insults that are quite creative, subtle and are safe for work as Reddit user MeMyselfAndI24 specifically asked “What’s the best child friendly swear word/insult you’ve ever heard?”
More info: Reddit
#1
My niece called me “Walmart face” recently and it stung more than I’d like to admit.
Image source: BIgTrey3, Mike Mozart
#2
When I was 11, my 8 year old sister and I were in a good natured TP battle with our neighbors a few doors down. One night we were doing the deed, when our 9-year-old neighbor, who was watching with his family, ran outside brandishing a fake cane yelling in a really good impersonation of an old man voice, “get offer mah lawn you bunch of squirrelly kumquats!”
I remember skittering home, hearing his mom laughing her head off. I’m pretty sure he made that up himself.
Image source: ellahorn, Daniel Panev
#3
My coworker told me that her preschooler learned to say “I’ll pray for you,” but that it comes out as the most shade throwing side eyed insult ever.
Image source: Caycepanda, Henry Burrows
#4
When I was in high school someone called someone else a wet bag of chips in place of calling them a useless f**k.
Image source: redditstolemyshoes, Niez Aini Latif
#5
Get your poop in a group. = Get your s**t together.
Image source: Drvanfalk, Peep This Yall
#6
My cousin called his brother a swamp donkey
Image source: BergeronDestroyer, Pom’
#7
One of the little kids I looked after was extremely mad at me one day. Pretty sure she was offended by my saying no to her. She glared at me, stomped her foot and called me “Mayor Humdinger”. For the non familiar Mayor Humdinger is the antagonist on Paw Patrol. I lost it, it was hilarious.
Image source: Mahovolich13, Nick Jr.
#8
Growing up my dad randomly decided “Frankenstein” was a swear word and would pretend to get upset when we would “swear” at him. It still works 30+ years later 😅
My dad’s the best, I can’t wait to go home and visit with him this weekend!
Image source: tremendousdynamite, Insomnia Cured Here
#9
My kid recently referred to a kid in her class as a “brathole.”
Image source: TheJewMan87, lori05871
#10
“first of all, brush your teeth”
Anything your say after that doesn’t matter. They will already be dead inside
Image source: Holzy09, kerinin
#11
My nephew called me a mashed potato once. I still don’t know what I did to deserve that.
Image source: thweet_jethuth, Stephanie Overton
#12
Listen here you stick of unsalted butter
Image source: kmarz02, Brian Boucheron
#13
Met a guy who recently had a child, he started replacing his curse words with PICKLES. He would cut his finger and just scream AHH PICKLES
Image source: delux561, Christine
#14
“Why, You Stuck Up, Half-Witted, Scruffy-Looking, Nerf-Herder!”
_-Princess Leia_
#15
Son of a motherless goat. Makes no sense but always makes me giggle when I say it.
Image source: evilshenanigan, lisatozzi
#16
I had a friend yell “what the peepeecake” while playing videogames with him while there were small children in voice chat. Everybody immediately cracked up. It’s perfect.
Image source: blockboy9942, xrayspx
#17
Your mother uses cheap toilet paper
Image source: Adron-the-survivor, Darren Foreman
#18
Cotton-headed ninny muggins
Image source: tru2chevy, Kimberly Vardeman
#19
Who are you calling a cootie queen you lint licker!
Image source: Badfish691, Thirteen Of Clubs
#20
You’re supposed to be dumpster diving for ham scraps, you six piece chicken mcnobody!
Image source: Infammo, PatrickRich
#21
We were at the base of Old Faithful and, as it was erupting, the wind shifted blowing a totally unexpected big drift of spray on our son who was about 4 at the time. He was soooo mad he started running and swinging his arms, stomping his feet and hollering “Dag Darn It!” at the top of his voice over and over like a miniature longshoreman who just smashed his thumb with a hammer and, brother, he MEANT EVERY WORD HE WAS SAYING! 24 years later, I’ll STILL say “Dag Darn It!” when I’m in a position where I feel the need to exclaim in a negative fashion but real swearing would be wholly inappropriate.
Image source: WeAreLivinTheLife, neajjean
#22
I was a C.I.T at a day camp and there was this young kid with anger issues. He would often get into fights with the other kids and would have frequent temper tantrums when things didn’t go his way. One day on the bus he was sitting playing on his gameboy when the kid next to him starts drawing on a piece of paper. The boy with anger problems wanted a piece of paper and the other kid said no multiple times. Things got heated and the kid drawing said shut up. ( I know, intense). In which the other kid screamed,”SUCK MY GAMEBOY!” Unsuccessfully tried to hold in my laughter.
Image source: MyToesWantToEatYou, Bryan Ochalla
#23
Shisha pit … I’m randomly dyslexic when I talk quickly and I tried to call my friend a piece of s**t (jokingly) and thus became shisha pit..
Image source: madeinboston, Marco Verch
#24
“your face is a toaster”
I just looked at my nephew, eyebrows raised.
I was flabbergasted.
Image source: Alec_de_Large, RecycledStarDust
#25
Your hairline looks like a MacDonald’s sign
Image source: pillowclit, JJBers
#26
My nephew called me a “stanky rainbow.” Best insult ever.
Image source: GodzillaPoppins, Andrew
#27
You smell like hot dog water
Image source: ricerock, stu_spivack
#28
I like to call people kartoffelkopf which means potato head in German.
Image source: efox02
#29
You total muppet!
Image source: isaac_foxx1012, Nicolas Sanguinetti
#30
Gordon Ramsey taught his kids vegetable names to replace swears.
Shitaku for s**t was my favorite
Image source: MurrayMan92, Lee Stranahan
#31
“You’re… not a nice person!”
Which was then followed by a shocked gasp from their friend.
Image source: randomly-cc, DreamWorks Animatio
#32
My 10 year old calls people ‘bum crumb’ 😂🤦♀️
Image source: Cakegirl16
#33
Mother trucker dude, that hurt like a buttcheek on a stick
Image source: anon, Quinn Dombrowski
#34
You’re an immature nugget!
Was skating with a buddy and we passed 2 little kids, one kid called the other an idiot and he promptly shot back with immature nugget. That was well over 10 years ago and that’s still our go to insult for each other
Image source: WarriorOfTheWord, James St. John
#35
Sugar Honey Ice Tea (s**t)
Image source: Heymrpreacherman, Matthew Dillon
#36
Shiitake (like the mushroom) instead of s**t.
Gordon Ramsey’s child said it at school and they got upset. Upon calling Mr. Ramsey and explaining the situation they were then set upon by Gordon Ramsey for them getting mad at his child for NOT cursing. He of course explained to them that shiitake is a type of mushroom.
By yelling at them about it.
Love that man.
Image source: Snarky_Boojum
#37
You don’t know grits from granola!
Image source: Back2Bach
#38
When I was 6 years-old, my childhood best friend taught me the phrase, “Get out of my face, Face!”
It’s so stupid, but I still think it to myself sometimes when I’m in a crowded area and people are in my personal bubble.
Image source: AgentSnipe8863, Matt Gregory
#39
Idiot bunky nematode. My brother was maybe 3 when he said this to me and my sister.
Image source: ChunkySoup93
#40
Oh barnacles!
Image source: SilverWings002
#41
Fork!
Image source: uriejejejdjbejxijehd
#42
“Shog off!” It’s from Shakespeare.
Image source: TheSanityInspector
#43
My son (2.5 year old) will randomly scream in a shrill voice and smack your but and scream, “STIIIINKY BUTT!” he does this ANYWHERE and as loud as his tiny body can make the sound.
Image source: M0th3r0f1, Mike Maguire
#44
Bite your thumb at someone
Image source: IdoNotknow1212, badjonni
#45
Oh BOB SAGET!!
Image source: PianoManGidley
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