Jokes can be playful, but they can also sting—and when they get repeated one too many times, it makes you wonder what’s really behind them.
That’s exactly what one woman began to question after her husband kept making comments at her expense, brushing them off under the guise of humor. Things finally came to a head at a family dinner when he told her she should feel lucky he still found her attractive after three years of marriage. What he didn’t count on was his parents and brother refusing to let it slide.
Scroll down to see how his words backfired, ending in a tearful breakdown and a wake-up call for their relationship.
The man kept making misogynistic jokes at his wife’s expense
Image credits: zamrznutitonovi / envato (not the actual photo)
But when he tried another at a family dinner, it completely backfired
Image credits: FriendlyItem9097
Image credits: voronaman111 / envato (not the actual photo)
Why we tease and what to do when a joke hurts, according to experts
Image credits: msvyatkovska / envato (not the actual photo)
Teasing walks a fine line.
Done right, it can be wonderful. Dr. Alexandra Solomon, assistant clinical professor in Northwestern University’s Marriage and Family Therapy program, told Psychology Today that teasing can be a powerful form of flirtation and seduction.
“It can reflect how well you know your partner,” she explained in a piece for Psychology Today. “It can be a shared little world of private jokes, silly characters, and inside jokes that build trust and bring you closer to each other.”
But the same dynamic that strengthens intimacy can also damage it, as the Reddit story above shows. Even if we don’t intend harm, words framed as jokes can sting. So how do we know where the line is?
Experts agree the clearest sign is kindness.
“What they’re also showing you is that they really see you,” Lisa Brateman, a licensed social worker, told The New York Times. “They know you.” This kind of teasing sustains closeness because it’s rooted in affection, not criticism.
Brateman shared her own example: some of her friends tease her about only dancing at parties after a drink. “I’ll be at a wedding or something and my friends will say, ‘Oh, Lisa, is it too early in the night for you to dance?’ And I’ll say, ‘Yeah, the line at the bar is too long.’”
The real trouble starts when the delivery and the reception don’t match—when the teaser thinks they’re being lighthearted, but the other person feels hurt. Suddenly, both are standing on opposite sides of a wall.
Dr. Solomon suggests looking at intent versus impact to move forward. “In an intimate partnership, we are going to step on each other’s toes from time to time,” she said. “Our words and actions can have the impact of feeling hurtful to our partner without us having the intention of being hurtful.”
“Making this distinction can help us make amends,” she noted. “We can hold ourselves accountable with self-compassion, and our partners can let us know about their hurt while remembering that we are imperfect and lovable.”
So what should you do if you’re the one who got hurt?
Solomon recommends asking yourself why the joke stung. What made you feel vulnerable? Share that openly with your partner, and expect them to take it seriously.
She also cautions against fighting fire with fire. “It only escalates the situation and creates more distance and tension. Instead, stand up for yourself by letting your partner know that their words cross a line for you and feel hurtful.”
Brateman adds that it can help to directly ask the teaser what they meant by their words. Sometimes, teasing might be a snarky remark made because they’re bothered by something but don’t want to say it outright. Other times, it could simply be a playful attempt to connect.
And if you’re the teaser, the best gauge is your partner’s reaction. Dr. Cameron Gordon, a professor of psychology at Vancouver Island University, says you should pay attention to body language. If they’re tense or silent, step back and apologize. “You can say: ‘I thought we were in a place where a little lighthearted banter could be welcome, but I’m getting the sense it really wasn’t. I regret saying it.’”
Even without harmful intent, Solomon stresses that strong partnerships are built on making space to acknowledge what troubles your partner. As she puts it, “If it’s a concern for you, it’s a concern for me.”
At the core, it’s about turning toward one another when something feels off, listening with care, and validating each other’s feelings. Keep that in mind the next time you tease, and let it be something that lifts your partner up, not pulls them down.
Readers were appalled by the husband’s actions, with some suggesting he seek counseling
In a follow-up, the author shared that her sister-in-law tried to insert herself into the middle of the fight
Later, she revealed that she had discovered the reason behind her husband’s sudden change in behavior
They couple some time apart, during which the husband began therapy and things started improving
Image credits: FriendlyItem9097
In her last update, she explained that she found another root of his insecurity, and together they’ve been taking steps to rebuild trust
Image credits: FriendlyItem9097
[reactions]
Follow Us
