There’s a reason it’s called the long arm of the law. If you’re doing something illegal, sooner or later you’ll run into a cop who wants nothing more than to read you your rights, drop you in a cell, and leave the rest up to a judge.
Of course, not all crimes are created equal. A netizen asked cops what the weirdest crimes they’d ever busted kids for were, and their responses are hysterical. Here’s a collection of some of the most hilarious “crime-fighting” stories they had to tell.
More info: Reddit
#1
My brother was a cop who worked nights in Minneapolis. One snowy night near the UofM campus he noticed a car weaving, so he pulled them over thinking there would be alcohol involved. Nope it was a car full of deaf people having an argument which included the driver…..he just told the driver to not sign and drive……
#2
I’ve posted this before but I always find it hilarious cause my dad is a goofy fun guy. He’s been a cop for almost 30 years now and he loves his job cause he gets to be out in the community and make a difference. The guy is gonna retire next month and he’s stoked he gets to play battlefield and go on vacation.
Anyway, he gets a call one night about some teenagers vandalizing a park. Dispatch lets him know that its a lady that calls 24/7 thinking she’s the neighborhood watch. So as he cruises in towards this park he comes in all lights blacked out and watches from a distance. After a couple minutes of watching he realizes these people are playing hide and seek. They also look a little older than just teenagers. He gets out of a car and sneaks up to some of them hiding in a group behind some trees and bushes. My dad hunkers down behind them and one of them looks back and sees him. The kid freaks out and starts to run and my dad grab’s him and says “Dude shut up or the other team will find us!” The guys crack up cause now they realize my dad is down to win this game. He ends up playing hide and seek with this group of 21 year olds for the next hour.
The best part was about 6 months later. I’m having a Halloween shindig at my house and my dad stops by cause he wants to score some burgers off us while he’s at work. He walks in and a guy at the party is like “Holy s**t, your dad is officer ****! He played hide and seek with us!”.
Image source: I_AM_AN_ASSHOLE_AMA
#3
My brother was once jumping his bike off the end of the public boat dock behind the city hall which also housed our police station, they had it tethered so it wouldn’t get lost on the bottom.
A cop came out, watched for a while and said, “I’m fairly certain something about that is illegal, but I can’t figure out what and it looks like fun, so be safe” and walked back inside.
#4
My dad was a police officer and this is my favourite story he has.
One day he was running a speeding trap and was waiting. A kid blew by going 50 km/h over so obviously my dad flipped on his lights and pulled the kid over. According to my dad, this was his first pullover he got to do on his own, so he felt like a real badass. He slowly walked up to the window of the car and saw it was a teenager inside, and he said, “I’ve been waiting to you all day.” The kid immediately snapped back, “Sorry officer, I came as fast as I could.”
My dad let the kid off with a warning.
Image source: IAmNewHereBeNice, nomadsoul1
#5
Not an officer, but a cool story (bro).
Some buddies and I were launching rockets out of a soccer park (that was empty at the time). Well, the nosy neighbor across the road called the cops and told them we were shooting off fireworks (in broad daylight). Anyways a cop shows up and starts to talk to us. We show him all of our rockets, our safety gear, and flight journals that a friend of mine was keeping. The cop goes back to his car and watches us launch a few rockets as we weren’t breaking any laws.
About ten minutes later, his off-duty chief showed up in his personal vehicle and joined us in launching rockets. Later he told us that he had dozens of unfinished rockets and if we wanted were welcome to have them if we promised to invite him to the launch. About a year later, my friend (who kept the journals) had most of them complete. Now, these rockets were expensive rockets that were replicas of actual ones. The chief was happy to see them all in flight and told us that he’ll make sure we weren’t bothered in the future.
Then he shot us…. a smile!
Image source: The_Mad_Gasser, Kindel Media
#6
When I was a teen (living in the Phoenix area) we would fill up the back of a pickup with shaved ice from behind the ice-rink and then build snowmen in people’s yards. We would do it at night before ringing and driving away.
One time, a neighbor called the cops after hearing a group of teens sneaking around outside. The cop came by and found out what we were doing. Instead of getting after us, he told us to follow him somewhere. We ended up making a snowman in his own front yard. He rang the doorbell and hid around the corner while his wife came to the door and then his kids came out.
There are some good cops out there. Not all of them are like the ones shooting people without cause.
Image source: krkr8m, simonova1407
#7
Not a cop, but I have a radio scanner.
Dispatcher: “Reports of a teenager riding a skateboard naked down Westway.”
Cop: “Is the suspect carrying a suspicious package?”.
#8
I’m not a police officer but a police officer approached me for this.
Me and my high school gf at the time decided to spend all night hanging out and running around local parks and stuff, lots of fun. We ended with breakfast and I decided to drop her off after. I was driving this tiny Nissan pickup truck with a bench seat. She wanted to cuddle so she didn’t put on her seat belt and, instead, leaned across the seat and rested her head on my lap, very sweet and cute. Minutes after leaving the parking lot a police officer is following us and turns on his lights. She panics, sits up, and discretely puts on her seat belt.
Once pulled over, the police officer, a young guy, comes up and looks in the window at her, “How old are you?” She says, “18” and he asks me to step out of the car. I think I’m about to get a big ticket for not wearing a seat belt. Tells me “I saw you driving kind of unsteady and once I put on my lights, I see a young girl’s head pop up through the cab window. So, I know why you’re driving unsteady”
I’m in shock at the implication.
“I was your age not too long ago, and I get it, you guys like each other a lot, she’s a pretty girl, you’re just having fun. What I’m concerned about is that she’s the proper age, and that you know other old school officers would nail you for *public indecency/reckless driving/something like that?*. So I want you to make sure, in the future, you’re wearing protection, gotta stay safe, and concentrate on your driving when you’re driving, gotta stay safe. Okay buddy? Go have an awesome day.”
I was speechless, especially because about 10 minutes before, she and I actually did have a quickie in the parking lot that absolutely would have gotten us f****d over.
TLDR; Got pulled over for a caring talk about life and safe s*x for BJ that didn’t happen.
Image source: Dr_D-R-E, freepik
#9
We were doing laps around a pond with a rope tied to my jeep and another person wakeboarding behind holding on to the rope. The police officer pulled up on the nearest road, flashed his lights and motioned for us to come over to him.
When we got there he just said, “That looks like a hell of a good time but I’m getting tired of dispatch getting calls about y’all. Sorry guys, save up some money and buy a boat.”.
#10
NSW Police officer (Australia), 7 years. (Resigned, s**t money – since everyone always asks)
We got a call about kids (probably 11-12YO) jumping across back yards. They were looking for things to steal I guess.
We searched for them for about 15 minutes. Just as I was starting to get bored with it, I hear laughing coming from a drain pipe. It’s aout 4ft tall. My mate and I decide to head in. About 30m down the tunnel I come see this kid bent over on all fours, pants down around his ankles. His mate is bent over, sitting on his back spreading the first kid’s butt cheeks. There is a 3rd kid kneeling next to the first kids butt holding a lighter.
They were in the midst of doing blue angels (lighting farts) in a dark tunnel…
I had no f*****g clue what to say.
We told them to come out of the drain with us. I advised them not to tell any of their other friends what they had gotten up to since they would probably get the wrong reputation and drove them within a block of one of the kid’s houses so the parents didn’t know they had been caught
TL;DR: Naked flames near naked a******s
EDIT: Blue angel is the correct name https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fart_lighting.
#11
I’m not a cop, but I have a story where I made a cop laugh.
It was after I got arrested for stealing alcohol from Target and I was handcuffed to a rail on the wall of this room while I was waiting to be processed. The cop was just passing through and asked the guy being detained across from me what he did. The other guy, who was around my age, said he was there for retail theft, but he stole a bunch of jeans. Then he turned to me and asked the same question. After I told him I was there for stealing alcohol he looked down at my shoes, which were a pair of really beat up Chucks, started laughing and said,
“Man, you should’ve tried to steal a new pair of shoes, because those are f****d up.” I couldn’t help but laugh myself and he kept laughing to himself as he left the room.
#12
I feel like a cop has a story about me and 2 other people. Here goes.
I was 20 at the time, and at an outdoor party at a friends. Late fall, 50 degrees or so, no leaves left on the trees. Roughly 50-60 people, mostly underage, most were drinking. My friends parents lived in a nicer part of a bad area, and owned an inflatable bounce house business. They had EVERYTHING set up. A bounce house, sumo suits, massive slide, all sorts of drunken fun s**t. Around 1030 it’s getting loud and the police show up. Someone yells “COPS. RUN!!!” and everyone starts running. I decide to join the crowd, and end up hiding in a bush with two people. Then, reality hits. I’m wearing a white hoodie, the guy next to me has on a neon yellow hoodie, and this girl has a f*****g glow necklace on. The bush? Not a f*****g leaf on it. Right then a cop walks up, starts laughing and asks “really guys??” and shines a flashlight directly on us. He instructs us to head back to the driveway with the other captives, and gives all of us a pretty hilarious speech.
“Seriously? We are the Flint police department. We have a million things better to do rather than chase down drunk minors. We had 2 murders just this week. We were just coming by to tell you to keep the noise down. Now we are pouring out all your beer and calling your parents. Now we’re even”
Didn’t give out any tickets, just poured out all the beer and called everyones parents.
#13
I remember this comment from reddit years ago that must be a contender:
>So one of my friends is in a frat. They were having a party, and some guy was dressed up as Captain Jack Sparrow. Awesome, I know. Anyways, the cops show up, and the party is on the third floor. Capt. Sparrow looks at them when they come in, throws open the window and yells, “Gentlemen, you will forever remember this as the day you almost caught Captain Jack Sparrow.” And jumped out the window.
Broke both legs, still got his Minor In Possesion.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/luzne/most_awkwardweirdawesome_thing_seen_at_a_party/c2vur40.
Image source: __LE_MERDE___, gatchenkoko
#14
A few years ago a friend and I were walking home through a residential estate, drunk, after a night out. About half way home a police car pulls up next to us and says they need to talk to us.
They say that CCTV in the area had observed us entering several front gardens.
We then drunkenly explained that we had been going in to peoples gardens and swapping around flower pots, hanging baskets and garden ornaments with their next-door neighbours.
One of the cops was laughing a lot and the other seemed really confused. Luckily they got another call and let us carry on our way.
#15
Local PD SWAT team came and played airsoft with my team to help us practice. We got demolished every time against them but they taught us tactics that helped us own our local field against other teams!
Image source: steve_the_woodsman, nomadsoul1
#16
I was part of the PPPAA. Triple P double A. Parking lot ping pong association of America. We had a quick mobile setup. Rolling into well lit parking lots and beginning to play. About midnight we get started in the savemart parking lot one day. I worked here and know the manager. He (the manager) comes out a bit after and recognizes me. Asks what the heck we are doing. A short explanation later he is playing too. Not only is he in, he is rocking two of paddles and beating us two on one. He was about to be pro tennis back in his day before a knee injury. He kicks our asses. During the match a cop rolls up and inquires just what the hell is going on. My boss turns to him and says ” unless the owner files a trespassing complaint I am the acting head, and this activity is sanctioned” rather befuddled, the young officer returns to his cruiser. A short time goes by and several other officers show up. Most don’t even exit their vehicles. They just watch. I can imagine officer one upon returning to his car got on the radio with something along the lines of ” you guys gotta come see this.” It was a glorious night that I will never forget. Triple P double A at its finest.
Image source: jasundead, ksandrphoto
#17
My favorite story that I like to tell trainees is when my partner and I busted up a Christmas party, entirely by accident.
We got a call for a noise complaint, out in the unincorporated county area. We drive down about a quarter-mile of driveway (one of THOSE houses), almost entirely lined with cars. We can hear the music from the main road. We both pull in with the intention of finding someone reasonably sober, telling them to turn it down, and calling it a night – this was close enough to shift change that we could ride the call out and no-one would have accused us of milking the call.
Instead, one erstwhile young party-goer comes staggering out from the backyard, does the most comical double-take I’ve ever been witness to, then takes off running from whence he came, screaming “COPS! COOOOOOOOPS!” The end result was similar to flipping on the lights in a nasty apartment, scattering teens like cockroaches. My partner and I were too busy laughing at the cliche to do anything other than heckle the ones trying to be stealthy in the woods nearby.
Found the homeowner, music was turned down, no-one got a DUI. The few that didn’t scatter too far, we made clean up all the beer cans on the property. S****y thing to do, leaving a mess for the hosts to clean up.
Image source: OfficerCharon, freepik
#18
I had a cop search my backpack once and found a couple of beers and a box of condoms. I was with my freinds at the time so he was like “Why are there three beers, a box of condoms and two dudes?”. I was speechless.
Image source: Reckless_Vlad, holiday.photo.top
#19
Not a police officer, but this story is going to fit.
I was 17, just got my learners permit which allowed me to drive alone but not after midnight or before 6AM (NJ older rules) and a bunch of friends I went to Applebees. I had a couple of airsoft guns in the trunk, about 3000 plastic bb’s and we all decided it was a good idea to chase each other around in the parking lot with the guns. Stupidly, I took off the yellow tips. Waitress inside sees us, calls the cops, cops show up. Arrest us and ask us to sit on the curb. After about 7 minutes of seriousness, they take the guns and bb’s dump them in my trunk and backseat, laugh and leave after breaking the airsoft guns. They told us not to play with these in public parking lots and not to remove the orange/yellow tips. Those guys took our beers too. Now that I think about it, we could have been killed.
Image source: someguyfromnj, bristekjegor
#20
My friend had a bunch of prop arms and legs in his car (you know, college). He and his other friend were trespassing in the Northfield Tunnels (google it), and when they get back to the car there is a cop waiting. He asks to see in the trunk so they open it.
He jumps back a sec, but quickly realizes they arms and legs are fake and he hasn’t caught some serial killers, then gives them a very stern “shut the f**k up” look as he calls his partner from the car to “come look at this” all shakey-voiced, as he tells my friend and his friend to put their hands up, hella serious. The other cop comes over, looks in the trunk and freaks the f**k out, screams, and runs away back to the car.
At which point the first cop bursts out laughing and tells my friends “haha… he was… hahahaha *He was in Viet Nam*… hahaha” and does a “get out of here” gesture and sends them on their way.
So basically he used my friend to pull a super cruel practical joke on his partner.
Image source: anon, Ahmet Kurt
#21
My brother is a cop and he told me one time he got a call around 9:30 in the morning for a suspicious person sitting in their car in a neighborhood. My bro goes up to him and asks what he’s doing. Dude is waiting for his wife to leave for work so he can go back home and play WoW all day instead of go to his own job. My bro tells him to go wait somewhere else because he’s freaking out the neighbors.
edit: to clarify a few things, the guy was parked in a different neighborhood than his own because he was hiding from his wife until she left the house, so nobody knew him and it’s obviously suspicious to be idling your car in front of some random house in a neighborhood while kids are going to school. it’s not illegal, but he took the good advice to go wait somewhere else, preferably more public like a walmart parking lot or something.
edit edit: also the dude was scared as s**t that the cops were going to go tell his wife that he was hiding from her because he wanted to go back home and play video games. my brother of course doesnt give two s***s about that, he just wanted the dude to go somewhere else so people would stop calling about it and causing him needless work.
edit edit edit: and yes, you can call the cops for any reason you want. it’s a necessary but annoying part of a cop’s job to go tell some oblivious manbaby to wait somewhere else because they’re disturbing the paranoid soccer moms who think they’re going to nab their kids.
Image source: parst, Getty Images
#22
Not me but my uncle.
He’s a pretty young guy (35? Something like that) and definitely even younger at heart so he always tends to handle things in a pretty relaxed way. This was last year right after high-school graduation. About 50 or so of the grads decided to celebrate by buying animal themed onesies and parade around town in them. It got to be about 8pm and everyone was obviously pretty tired so they decided to take a rest outside of this shopping center around 15 minutes from my house. One of the store owners didn’t like this too much so he called 911 saying some kids were loitering outside of his store. This obviously isn’t an emergency by most standards so my uncle was the closest officer to the scene so he was the only one who showed up. He thought it was the funniest thing of them to do so he took a selfie with some of them, gave them a warning, and just told them to head out.
Image source: Mozzahella, Liliana Drew
#23
I rolled up on a group of kids trespassing on a patch of land at night. They didn’t know they were technically breaking the law because there was no signage where they came in. I planned to tell them they needed to leave, but one of them took me aside and told me they were taking an out-of-town friend on a snipe hunt as a much deserved act of revenge. I couldn’t resist and joined in. Winks and nods were exchanged, I called my shift on a radio back channel and the snipe hunter was called front and center. I informed him that the snipe is an endangered species and the act of hunting one was a felony punishable by 10 years in prison and a $10000 fine. All of his conspirators denied snipe hunting, saying that they were just stargazing and didn’t know the guy doing the hunting. He was standing there, wide-eyed and literally holding the bag with his snipe stick in the other hand. He stuttered and stammered an excuse and insisted the conspirators were lying. About that time, three more cruisers appeared, lights and all. As if choreographed, we all stepped aside and the sheriff himself made an entrance and assessed the situation. Dead silence. After he made the inquiries, we all busted out laughing. The whole otherwise very slow night was captured in a group picture, complete with the victim, his friends, my shift, and the sheriff.
TLDR: Rolled up on a prank, joined the prank.
EDIT: “Snipe hunt” prank explained below.
Image source: MattsWorldoWonders, wirestock
#24
It wasn’t illegal, but really suspicious. I was a cop in the air force. We had just gone into a higher FPCON (threat level) and around 11:00 at night I saw three people in an empty dark field near some power lines with shovels and a garden h*e. My partner and I decided to stop them and see what was going on, because it didn’t look like civil engineering or anyone that should be there at that hour. So we go up, see that they’re all about 14-15 years old and they’re all sweating and out of breath. We ask what they’re digging for, and the say there weren’t digging, which after looking around we didn’t see any dug up dirt. So my partner asks what they’re doing, and the hesitantly answer that they were LARPing. One of their dad’s shows up and scolds them, telling them how shady they look, apologizes to us and we send them all back to the dad’s house, which was about a hundred yards away. I hold back my laughter until I get back to the car, where I have to explain to my partner what LARPing is and why I’m laughing.
Image source: anon, Ahmet Kurt
#25
Not a Police Officer but this happened to me…
I was going for my morning run one day when I notice a car following me driving on the edge of the road. I’ve looked a couple of times over my shoulder at the car and noticed that there were red and blue lights sorta hidden on the dash and worked out quickly it was an undercover car, or a detectives car or something.
Anyhoos… My street is coming up so after checking it’s safe, I run across the road to my street and start jogging up the hill. At this point, the car behind me follows me, and there’s another undercover car coming down the hill that pulls up onto the side of the road in front of me, and another 2 cars show up out of nowhere, and all of a sudden I’m surrounded by the cars with plain clothed cops all jumping out of the cars and coming towards me.
So it’s not the cops who are laughing but obviously I realise they’ve made a mistake and I start cracking up laughing. I tried my hardest not to, but thinking about this situation was hysterical to me.
So as I’m laughing I say to them all casual like “Hey guys! What’re ya’s up to?”
Long story short, someone was breaking into houses in the area and they mistakenly thought it was me. I don’t know why.
Image source: anon, senivpetro
#26
Security guards and not illegal, but:
In high school, we dressed up like robots to protest march on the Plaza (Kansas City outdoor mall area) to free the ATMs. Security came to the top floor of the parking garage where we were putting on the costumes because they saw us on camera. I quote, “We thought you guys were doing d***s or something. Turns out you’re just dorks.”
—
EDIT:
Another part of this story I just remembered, which does involve cops…
When we got to Seville Square which is basically the lobby below the movie theatre where some of us worked at the time, some ~8 year old kids were (literally) running around, unsupervised. One of the kids ran and jump-kicked my friend Flannery in the back with both feet like a pro wrestler. There were cops in the lobby there who saw it, and they made this kid come back and apologize to her and shake her robot claw hand. I have a picture of it somewhere but I’m out of town right now.
#27
Back in high school, a buddy of mine used to film prank calls and just being weird in general. One film involved taking off his shirt and covering himself in ranch dressing. The scene was set in a house that was under construction.
Only 2 cops responded to the call, and there were three people in the building, including the cameraman. People may not know this, but ranch dressing drys to a pale yellow. The cops didn’t spot the camera man right away, and my shirtless friend put his hands in the air and walked over to them right away. While still on film, as the cop handcuffs him he says “what the hell is all over you?” to which my buddy responds, deadpan, “that would be ranch dressing sir.” The video ends with the camera shaking as the guy filming busts out laughing.
He’s no longer with us, but he was one of the funniest people I’ve ever met- in his own totally unique way. RIP KP.
Image source: Imalawyerkid, ahrwasser
#28
I got p**s drunk with a hot girl I was trying to sleep with (18 or 19 at the time) and after she politely declined, suggested I go home. Being drunk as a skunk, but still having some wits about me, I took my longboard out of my car, left my car keys in her house, and began skating home. This is about 2:30am, I’m making my way through a shopping center parking lot when out of nowhere, I get a cop search light in my face, and proceed to wreck; HARD. Like landed on my hands, knees, and face simultaneously and not being able to pop back up.
Cop comes up to me stifling his laughter and gives me a once over. He knows I’m under aged and drunk, I know he knows I’m under aged and drunk. He asks to see my ID. Asks if I have a car. “Yes sir, it’s at this girl’s house” I can only assume he decided to not f**k me over because I was smart enough to leg it instead of driving drunk, and gave me a ride home instead.
I can only imagine what it looked like to him though, a drunken teenager attempting to longboard home and then completely wrecking face at 2:30 in the morning. I’m sure the boys at the station got a good laugh at my expense.
Image source: windclimber, freepik
#29
There was a sheriff here in my hometown (~2000 population) who had guard duty at the local jail on Thanksgiving. When he was handing out the dinner trays to the inmates, he dropped one and spilled the food everywhere. Since he was already pissed off about having to work that night he said f**k it and let all the inmates out to go eat Thanksgiving dinner with their families. They just had to be back when they were done. All of them came back except for two.
This was years ago. You can’t do that s**t nowdays.
#30
Not an officer of reddit, but i’ll share this story because i was there…
In highschool we used to street race most every weekend, and on this particular weekend we were down in Long Beach. The cops show up and everyone scatters, but i get blocked in by my friend’s car and it gives the cops enough time to block both of our cars in, leaving me and him and a few other friends stuck.
So, obviously street racing is illegal. You don’t even have to be in a car doing the actual racing to be ticketed/arrested. And on top of that, they typically hit you with a host of fix-it tickets even if they don’t bust you for racing. So the cops jump out and sit us all down on the curb and start asking us what we’re doing. We haven’t even started to answer him when he starts telling us, “…and don’t tell me you were just passing through, or that you got lost. We’re not stupid”. He then proceeds to tell us that if we would just tell the truth, the cops would be so much easier on us. They know we’re down here racing and checking out cars and learning about parts and all that. If we wouldn’t lie so much, we’d like get off with a warning, but instead the cops get lied to all the time and it’s insulting. So they ticket us.
So, he’s been lecturing us for about 5-10 minutes, throwing in a few digs along the way (calling one of my black friends Buckwheat, and another japanese kid “fat boy”) and we’re all sort of laughing but also clearly still uncomfortable with the situation that likely involves us getting some tickets and stuff. So he turns to me and and asks which car is mine. I point and he says, “ok, here’s the deal. We’re gonna run a quarter here and if you win, everyone here gets to go home. If you lose, i’m giving you and your friend some fix-it tickets…about 14 in total if i’m counting correctly”. So i’m nervous as s**t about this but I agree. My friend goes out to call the start. Another drives down a quarter mile to mark the finish, and we get set. And… I win. So, im coming back to the start, and i pull up (cops already back) and as i’m getting out, the cops jump out and announce that we’re all going to jail. We’re all standing there, mouths open im sure, and then one of the cops starts laughing and tells us they’re joking.
They proceed to lecture us for a little longer about how street racing is dangerous but they understand and they were kids once and be careful and all that s**t… Then they yell out “Strong Beeeaaach”!!! Peel out, and disappear.
So, maybe not the weirdest s**t cops have ever seen, but it was definitely illegal and they seemed to get quite a kick out of it.
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