Previously on Mad Men: Betty met Henry from the Governor’s office when he copped a feel on her preggo belly, Don told Duck to go duck himself because he’s doesn’t have no stinkin’ contract, Don and Roger broke up at Roger and Jane’s Derby Day party, Don and Sally’s teacher have some kind of weird flirtation thing going on, Peggy wonders if it’s her time, Conrad Hilton thinks Don might be the ad man for him.
Peggy is naked in bed with someone.
Betty lays on a tufted chaise, staring at the ceiling.
Don inches painfully up from the floor of some random hotel room, his nose bloodied.
Dapper Don Draper readies himself for work. This is new – we’ve jumped back in the story timeline. Good thing I got used to this on Alias. Betty’s decorator has redone the living room, and aside from the end table and lamp, (which should go to the other end of the couch) Don thinks it’s fine. I think it’s fabulous, especially the black and white chairs. “And what goes here?” Betty asks, motioning in front of the fireplace. “That’s your hearth, darling. That’s the soul of the home,” the decorator responds incredulously.
Don and Roger talk in the elevator about David Ogilvy’s new book, Confessions of an Ad Man. Roger will send over the galleys for Don to read. Don reaches his office and finds a flurry of activity – Sal, Paul, Harry and Pete are hovering around his secretary like flies. He berates her for not sending them off, but stops when she manages to interject Conrad Hilton is waiting in his office. He shoos the fellas off, telling them to be back in 20. He opens the door to his office, telling Allison (hey, his secretary has a name!) to hold all his calls. The deadpan look she gives him endears her to me greatly.
Conrad Hilton sits at Don’s desk, and doesn’t get up to shake his hand, or to give Don his seat. He says he has a personal matter to discuss with Don, and Don settles for the seat opposite the desk. “I don’t know what I’m more disturbed by, the fact that you don’t have a Bible, or that there’s not a single family photo,” Connie chides. He further advises him to “start showing up on time,” at which point Don retorts, “Maybe I’m late because I’m spending time with my family reading the Bible.” Ha! They continue to have a slightly odd conversation, but then Connie gets down to brass tacks – he wants Don to handle the Waldorf Astoria, the New York Hilton, and the Stadler Hilton. It’s just New York, but Don thinks it’s a good start. “Having me in your life is going to change things,” Connie says as Don escorts him out. “I look forward to it,” Don replies. “They always say that,” Connie says. Connie hits the road, and as Don turns back to his office, everyone breaks into spontaneous applause.
Meeting in Betty’s fabulous new living room. She’s interested in replacing Francine (who’s in a fabulous green dress with blue and red poppies on it) as Secretary of the Junior League. They’re looking to stop the development of a water tank, and Betty realizes she knows someone in the governor’s office who may be able to help – Henry Francis (the belly molester). Betty, the prettiest, is quickly nominated to call him. “It’s not adorable to pretend like you’re not adorable,” Francine teases.
Don’s office. Ho Ho’s Jai Alai dream is being made a reality, starting in Miami. Pete finally asks what they’ve all been wondering, which is what’s the scoop on Conrad Hilton. They don’t get much. Pete asks to be on the account, and Don puts him off.
Betty calls Henry Francis’ office, but he’s not available. “Lunch!” she barks, as a filthy Sally and Bobby run into the kitchen. Henry Francis calls her right back, and she hisses at the kids to stop their horseplay. “I’m going in the study, hang up the phone,” she tells Bobby, who promptly heads right over and hangs up the phone. Poor Bobby. He can’t do anything right. Betty picks up the extension and hears a dial tone. “Dammit!” She heads back into the kitchen to yell at Bobby, just as the phone rings again. “Freeze!” she orders him as he heads to the phone. She wisely picks up the extension in Don’s home office. I love these moments of domesticity that are so authentic. Henry asks about the baby, and Betty is surprised he remembered. I’m not Betty, I saw how he molested your belly. She asks for his help on the water tower issue, and he offers to meet with her tomorrow. It’s a Saturday, but she’ll make it work. They agree to meet at Swenson’s Bakery, which has air conditioning. After hanging up, she gives the locked desk drawer a hard tug for good measure, but still no luck.
Pete bursts in to Peggy’s office just as she’s opening a gift. Turns out it’s an Hermes scarf from Duck, who sent Pete some Cuban Cigars. Pete also fills Peggy in on the new Hilton account, which she’s pleased to hear about since she and Conrad Hilton are both Catholic, and she’s already read his book (her mom gave it to her). She fondles the scarf and decides she’s keeping it, just because Pete doesn’t want his gift doesn’t mean she can’t keep hers. “Do you know why Duck doesn’t work here anymore? Because Don squeezed him out when the British took over,” Pete says. “So what? Don didn’t like him. It’s the world against Don. And now it’s someone else,” Peggy retorts. “True,” Pete allows, “but Duck would love to hit Don where it hurts,” Pete replies, gesturing to each of them. “Well, I’m not going anywhere, and I’m not going to tell Don.” “I’m not worried about you, I”m worried about Duck!” Pete replies. As well you should be, Pete. Just like a real duck, Duck is oily. “Send it back!” he hisses.
Don joins Cooper, Pryce and Roger in Cooper’s office. They congratulate him on the Hilton account, but then pull the rug out from under him. There’s the matter of his contract, or lack thereof. Hilton won’t make the deal unless Don’s employ is assured for the next three years. Pryce offers him the contract draft, and Don looks at him like he’s sprouted horns. “Look, I’ve gotten to know Conrad Hilton a little bit, and I think he’ll enjoy something he can’t have. And you should tell him that it [working without a contract] matters to me,” Don spits out. “Well, this is the way it has to be, not just for Conrad Hilton, but for Sterling Cooper. I’d like you to take those papers home for the weekend and think about that,” Cooper says evenly. “I’d be happy to,” Don replies, looking anything but. “I met him once, he’s a bit of an eccentric, isn’t he?” Cooper adds, putting his stocking feet up on the coffee table. Takes one to know one.
Bloodied Don studies himself in the crappy hotel mirror. “Ah, Jesus.”
Betty languishes on the settee as her hands travel down her dress and start to hike up her skirt.
Swenson’s Bakery. Betty enters in her Barbie sunglasses, and finds Henry waiting for her. They make flirtatious small talk. He looked into it, and it’s already underway. They make more small talk, and we learn Betty was an anthropology major at Bryn Mawr.
A sunglass clad Don smiles at Sally’s teacher. They’re making camera obscura to view an eclipse in 22 minutes. Summer camp fun! Francine’s husband Carlton talks about the hotness of teachers, running, and staring at the sun.
Henry is sorry to disappoint Betty, but he really can’t help her and has to be on his way to Albany. “His Master’s Voice,” he says apologetically, “The governor.” Betty nods. “His Master’s Voice? It’s an old ad,” he continues. “I know what it is,” Betty replies, a look of annoyance flashing across her face. They head outside, and see a waitress and an older guy. “What are you doing?” Henry asks. “It’s the eclipse! He built a contraption,” she replies enthusiastically. Betty immediately glances up. “Don’t look at it,” Henry says, shielding her eyes with his hand. “Are you OK?” he asks. “I think so. I feel a little dizzy,” she replies. “Take a deep breath. Is that better?” he asks. She nods. They walk down the street. “That’s what you need,” Henry says, pointing in a shop window to the tufted chaise we saw in the flash forwards. “A fainting couch.” Henry says he’ll be in touch and bids her farewell as she turns and eyes the fainting couch.
The kids stand with boxes over their heads viewing the eclipse. Don and Sally’s teacher have what seems like a nice chat until she opines, “You’re all the same – the drinking, the philandering.” Don looks at her askance, and takes a few steps back from the kids. “They don’t know that word,” she says defensively. “Do you want me to leave you alone? Then just say so,” Don says. “It’s hard because this happens a lot,” teacher replies. “Nothing is happening. We’re just talking,” Don replies. He pleads he’s different from the other guys, and asks how people live elsewhere. “They don’t have as much, and they don’t get as bored,” she replies. “I’m not bored,” Don shoots back. Sally interrupts, excited about the eclipse, and Miss Farrell climbs under the box with her.
Peggy wakes up in what seems like a very fancy hotel room and looks at the prone figure beside her.
Peggy calls Duck, who’s having meeting all day at the Pierre, room 600. She says she wants to return the scarf, and he says she should do it in person – Hermes will be there at 4:30.
Don sits refilling his lighter as Roger barges in. He asks about the contract, and Don tries to brush him off, but Roger is checking up on him and called the lawyer that was supposed to look over the contract. He never saw it. Roger tries to strong arm Don into signing it by asserting his own status, while Don obstinately says nothing and continues to fill and polish his lighter. “The problem is, I don’t know if you don’t want to do this here, or if you don’t want to do this at all,” Roger says with a trace of bitterness creeping in. He opens the door to find Peggy hovering. “Didn’t we give you an office?” he says. Is that the Royal “we”, Roger, since you were the one that gave it to her? Peggy apologizes her way in, saying she only needs a minute. She needs Don to sign off on the Martinson’s ad. “So, do you know who you’re going to put on Hilton yet?” she says in a rush. Don proceeds to lay the meanest smackdown on Peggy yet, saying, “Put your nose down and pay attention to your work because there’s not one thing you’ve done here that I couldn’t live without. A teary eyed but not crying Peggy manages an “I’m sorry, Don,” before she’s sumarily dismissed. Ouch.
Betty and the kids are in the kitchen. We get our first sight of Baby Gene this episode, or rather his stroller, which is parked by the kitchen table as Sally and Bobby eat. The phone rings and it’s Roger, who tries to enlist Betty’s help in strong arming Don into signing the contract. “Don is going to do whatever he’s going to do, and honestly, I find it terribly disrespectful that you would go behind his back,” Betty says, her voice rising. Roger tries to make amends, but she hangs up on him. You shouldn’t have hit on her back in season one, Roger.
Room 600 at the Pierre. Duck welcomes Peggy in and offers her a drink. She takes a whiskey, to which Duck says, “You are Don’s girl, aren’t you?” “I was raised on whiskey,” Peggy replies. He offers her more money, but she wants more glory. She says she can’t, and they shake on it, but he doesn’t let go of her hand. “What are you doing?” she asks. “I was just thinking about all the times I walked by you and didn’t even notice,” he says smoothly. “Oh,” she answers a little breathlessly. He leans in and kisses her and I start shieking, “EWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!11!!!!!” “What do you want from me?” she says. “I wanna take you in that bedroom, lock the door, take your clothes off with my teeth, throw you on the bed, and give you a go around like you’ve never had,” he replies as my shrieking reaches levels only dogs can here. They fall into passionate kissing as I throw up a little in my mouth. Once my nausea had passed though, I had to wonder – is Duck sleeping with Peggy just because he thinks Don slept with her? Everyone thought they did when Peggy got her promotion. Pete could be on to something.
Betty sends the kids upstairs as Don gets home. She fills him in on Roger’s meddling, and Don’s immediate response is to call Roger, but she stops him. “Betts, don’t worry about my job,” he says as he stands with the phone in hand. “Why would I? I don’t know anything about it. They offered you a contract and you didn’t say a damn thing to me. I had to hear about it from him. And why the hell won’t you sign it?” she says angrily. “It doesn’t concern you,” Don replies, hanging up the phone. “You’re taken care of.” “Why won’t you sign it?” she replies, her eyes flashing. The Don proceeds to make his second Let Me Explain To the Little Woman How Things Are lecture of the episode. “Let me explain something to you about business, since as usual, you’re turning this into something all about yourself. No contract means I have all the power. They want me, but they can’t have me.” “You’re right,” she replies with steel in her voice. “Why would I think that has anything to do with me? It’s three years, Don,” she spits out. “What’s the matter, you don’t know where you’re going to be in three years?” “Goodnight,” is his reply, as he exits, slamming the door. Baby Gene cries in the background.
Don’s Cadillac careens around a corner. He’s driving, drink in hand.
Duck and Peggy are getting busy.
Don spots some hitchhikers and pulls over. They’re headed to Niagra Falls, but will settle for the nearnest hotel. They’re eloping so the guy can escape the draft to Vietnam, since they’ve heard they’re going to pass a law preventing married guys from being drafted. The girl offers Don some phenobarbital. He asks for one, then changes his mind – better make it two. He swallows with the liquor, then pitches the glass out the window.
Don and the hitchhikers in the crappy motel. He slow dances with the girl, but the boyfriend is quickly jealous and snatches her away. They start making out as Dick Whitman’s dad appears in a rocker with a bottle of moonshine behind them. He tells Don a hillbilly joke, and as Don laughs, the hitchhiker guy asks, “What’re you laughing at, Cadillac?” before falling onto the bed with the girl. The Senior Whitman continues to berate Don as he drinks his moonshine. Don’s not looking so good. “How the hell is he still awake?” the guy asks before punching Don hard in the back of the head. Don goes down face forward on the floor. Then we cut to the next morning and him studying his bloody face in the mirror. He picks up a note: “Mister, Thanks for the help. We left you your car. Your Welcome.” Adding poor grammar to injury! If Don hadn’t been such an ass all episode, I might feel bad for him.
Peggy is worried housekeeping is going to come in, but Duck put out the do not disturb sign. “C’mon,” he says, “I love the morning,” Duck says, and Peggy disolves into kissing him. Again, Ewww!
Betty’s decorator is berating her. Turns out Betty did some decorating of her own, bought the fainting couch, and plopped it right down on the hearth. You know, that hearth that’s the soul of the home? I think the soul is screaming Get Me Out. Let’s hope she doesn’t pull a Happy Rockefeller.
Peggy and Don share a walk of shame into Sterling Cooper. Peggy’s in yesterday’s clothes and Don is sporting a bandage over his busted nose. “Fender bender,” he says to her questioning look. He heads on to his office, where he feeds Allison the same line and is told Cooper is waiting for him.
Cooper sits behind Don’s desk, and orders him to sit down. Don remains standing, and says a gruff, “What do you want?” “You, Don, have been standing on someone’s shoulders. We brought you in, we nutured you like family. And now’s the time to pay us back. You can’t go any further on your own, Don,” Cooper replies evenly. He pulls out the contract and lays it down. “Would you say I know something about you, Don?” he says, echoing back to season one’s big secret. “I would,” Don says. “Then sign. After all, when it all comes down to it, who’s really signing this contract anyway?” Cooper says with a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. Don stares at him with red eyes and a busted nose, looking like a puppy that got swatted with a newspaper. But this is a puppy with sharp teeth. “I don’t want anymore contact with Roger Sterling,” he growls as he signs, Donald F. Draper, 7-23-1963.
“Don?” Betty calls from her repose on the fainting couch. He sticks his head in the living room, barks, “I signed it,” and heads upstairs. 16 Tons plays us into the credits.
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