Good health is one of the most precious treasures we’ve got. Even with our busy schedules, we try our best to be fit, energetic, and happy to enjoy life to the fullest. But while self-care is important, many of us also look after our loved ones and feel generally concerned whenever they have issues of their own.
However, it seems that not everyone receives support when they need it most. A month ago, Reddit user Steady-Sailing3898 created a post on the AITA subreddit about how she finally made a doctor’s appointment to deal with her ongoing health problems. To her surprise, her husband canceled it behind her back because he needed her to host a dinner party for him and his friends.
As you probably have guessed, this didn’t go well with the author. While she considers herself a generous host and is always ready to welcome her guests with open arms, there’s only so much a person can take. Read on for the full story and let us know what you think about this whole situation in the comments below.
This stay-at-home mom recently shared how her husband canceled her doctor’s appointment so she could host a dinner party for him and his friends
Image credits: Ksenia Chernaya (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Steady-Sailing3898
The woman’s story received quite the attention from the AITA community. The vast majority of members determined that she was not in the wrong in this situation, saying that it was inappropriate of her husband to put his ego over her health.
“We only have the wife’s side of the story here but it would suggest that there is an imbalance of power and a lack of respect for the wife’s needs and wishes,” relationship coach Sue Saker told Bored Panda. “They may have gradually got into unhelpful patterns of behavior where the wife has deferred to his wishes increasingly.”
Whether it was over some small things that didn’t matter or because she wanted to keep the peace in their relationship, “This can then start to become a habit and the norm,” she commented on the incident.
“One thing I have noticed during the pandemic is that some relationships have had a shift in how decisions are made, with the more dominant partner making more of the daily decisions,” Saker said. However, she’s not sure of the exact reason for this trend. “It may not be indicative of what’s going on outside of my client base, but I have wondered if it’s because the boundaries between work and home have been blurred in many cases?”
The relationship coach provided an example. Imagine if one partner who is “in a senior position where part of their role is leading and directing others” is on a work call. “They come off the call, out of the home office, and immediately go back into the family.” Saker explained that they probably haven’t shaken off the “work mode” and still feel they are in charge.
“They are likely to then speak to their partner in that same tone and with an explanation of compliance,” she said. Their significant other may initially accommodate it because they could think their working partner is simply stressed or busy, “and then it continues.”
Many commenters branded the author’s husband as abusive and controlling. Sue Saker explained that these key signs show whether a partner is being manipulative: “If one person isn’t feeling heard, his or her needs are not being taken into account or their wishes are ignored.”
When asked how to deal with manipulative partners, step one is to recognize that it’s happening. “It sounds obvious but often the pattern starts small and increases without either partner noticing,” she told us. “In particular, the one who is being manipulative may not even realize that’s how they are being.”
“It is therefore important to have an honest chat about how you are feeling. Do this without attacking the partner or it will just escalate into an argument.” She advised that rather than straight-up saying “you’re being manipulative”, you should phrase it more as “when you do this or that, I feel disrespected and uncared for”.
The relationship coach revealed that one of her favorite phrases is “what you allow is what will continue”. So if you let yourself “be manipulated and [your partner’s] increasingly controlling behavior isn’t challenged, then it is likely to continue,” Saker noted.
“It’s important to remember that the ‘controlling’ partner may be unaware of the impact of their behavior. The first step is to draw attention to it and the consequences.” After all, relationships are complicated “and can often start to go off course. The more you can have open and honest discussions without accusations or blame, the better,” Sue Saker concluded.
Redditors unanimously agreed that the author was NTA in this situation, here’s what they had to say
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