We all have that one best friend we think we know like the back of our hand. The one who finishes our sentences, knows our coffee order, and has seen us ugly-cry over terrible TV finales. But sometimes, life throws in a plot twist and suddenly, you’re left questioning if you’ve really been watching the same show all along.
Today’s Original Poster (OP) thought she knew her best friend in and out. Afterall, they’d been friends for 16 years when their kids were born. However, one shocking revelation later, she was left grappling with whether to stick by her side or cut ties completely.
More info: Mumsnet
We all like to think we know our closest friends inside and out, but what happens when they drop a bombshell that completely shatters your perception of them
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The author has been best friends with a woman for 16 years and always thought she knew her well
Image credits: SeenHerSelina
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
However, through a mutual friend, she heard a rumor that her friend had been unfaithful to her husband
Image credits: SeenHerSelina
Image credits: senivpetro / Freepik (not the actual photo)
She confronted her friend, who revealed that her cheating actually began years before having children, leaving her shocked and feeling incredibly sad for her husband
Image credits: SeenHerSelina
Since then, she struggles with how to view her friend, questioning whether to maintain the long-term friendship
For 16 years, the OP and her friend had shared the ups and downs of parenting, life, and everything in between, so naturally, she’s always thought she knew her friend. She also always thought her best friend’s partner was just a little quiet. And while her friend painted a picture of a once-outgoing man mellowing into fatherhood, he was still seen as a loving dad and doting partner.
Everything changed when a rumor surfaced through a mutual friend that at first seemed too wild to believe. There were whispers of the OP’s best friend’s infidelity involving someone they both knew. However, when she confronted her best friend, she admitted it was true and even revealed a darker history of cheating that stretched back years before the kids were even in the picture.
The revelation left the OP reeling. She felt deceived, not just by the friend but also by her own judgment, especially toward the husband, whom she had silently pitied. Memories of past nights out began to look suspicious, including one instance when her friend returned home the next morning after being last seen with another man.
Knowing the truth made all those puzzle pieces fit together, but in the worst way possible. Now, she was left deciding whether to maintain a friendship built on years of shared experiences or to walk away from someone who could do such a thing to her husband and family.
To understand why learning about a friend’s betrayal can feel like a personal hit, Bored Panda spoke with clinical psychologist Christabell Madondo, who explained that betrayals can trigger strong emotional responses even when we aren’t directly involved. “Our brains are wired to respond to social violations with a kind of vicarious alarm,” Madondo said.
She noted that friends often feel like extensions of our social world, so witnessing dishonesty or infidelity can stir empathy, moral outrage, and a sense of relational threat. “Betrayal wakes up that inner trust radar, so in a way, it makes us feel like the shockwave hits closer to home than it logically should.”
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
We asked whether a friend’s behavior in their romantic relationship should influence how we see them as a friend, especially if there’s a habit of cheating. Madondo highlighted that it absolutely can, but context matters.
“Habitual cheating isn’t just a private matter, it reflects patterns of dishonesty, a lack of empathy and respect that often extend to all relationships, including friendships,” she explained. She then emphasized that observing whether someone takes responsibility and learns from their mistakes is key.
“Your perception should balance empathy for human imperfection with a clear-eyed assessment of whether this person aligns with the kind of ethical and supportive friend you want in your life.”
Finally, we explored how to maintain friendships when a friend’s actions clash with your core values, and Madondo stressed the importance of setting clear, healthy boundaries. “First of all, it depends on what is acceptable and what isn’t to you,” she started, advising honest communication and a focus on behaviors rather than labeling the person.
She also suggested adjusting the level of intimacy or topics of discussion to protect emotional well-being and maintaining consistency to reinforce that respect and integrity are non-negotiable. “Having friendships that reflect your own values is very important in life. If, after communication, they show no remorse, there shouldn’t be guilt in stepping back.”
Netizens were divided on how to respond to the revelation of the friend’s infidelity. Some argued that long-term friendship should not end over an affair, while others insisted that they would distance themselves from the friend or at least reassess the friendship as a whole.
What do you think about this situation? Do you think it’s possible to fully separate a person’s mistakes in their marriage from your friendship with them? We would love to know your thoughts!
Netizens were split on this situation with some saying her friend’s cheating is none of the author’s business, while others insist it’s enough grounds to reconsider the friendship
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