It’s completely normal for couples to disagree on little things, like what to order for takeout or how to decorate the living room. Most of the time, you find a middle ground and move on. But some differences are impossible to look past, no matter how much you care about each other.
One woman thought she had a loving, supportive fiancé and a happy future ahead of her. Then he started hanging out with a new group of friends and slowly picked up views that went against everything she believed in. Now, she’s questioning whether she should still marry him.
One woman was left shocked after her fiancé started changing in ways she never expected
Drazen Zigic / Magnific (not the actual photo)
As his views became more extreme, she began wondering whether she should call off the wedding
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Podcasts, social media and online forums have played a huge role in spreading the manosphere and its harmful beliefs
When the internet became widely available, many were optimistic that it would turn us into better people. On paper, the idea made perfect sense. With the world’s knowledge suddenly at our fingertips, we’d surely become smarter, more informed, and open-minded.
And in many ways, it has lived up to that promise. A teenager with a laptop can now take free lessons from top universities, and a grandma can video chat with relatives three time zones away. Picking up a new hobby takes nothing more than a few tutorials, while a chat with a stranger from Brazil might teach you more about their country than any textbook ever could.
At the same time, it has also done the opposite. Since anyone can post just about anything, and social media rewards whatever grabs the most attention, shocking claims often travel further than careful facts.
As a result, misinformation now spreads faster than ever. In fact, an MIT study found that false news stories are 70% more likely to be shared than true ones. For someone searching for answers online, that can be a dangerous place to end up.
One of the clearest examples of this is the manosphere. From podcasts and YouTube channels to subreddits and forums, there are entire spaces that claim to teach men how to be “real men” and how to win with women. Judging by the way he talks now, the woman’s fiancé and his new friends seem to have spent plenty of time in places like these.
These communities often promote some truly awful ideas. Many see women’s growing independence as a threat and believe men should be the ones calling the shots in relationships.
On top of that, a lot of these spaces overlap with the far right. Researchers who studied millions of posts on extremist forums found that racist ideas are regularly passed back and forth between manosphere and far-right groups. Other research shows that hostility toward LGBTQ+ people is common in these circles too.
The manosphere often hides its toxic messages behind self-improvement advice, which is exactly what makes its arguments so convincing
The thing is, as extreme as these views sound, many men don’t go looking for them. Instead, they usually start out wanting help with dating or getting in shape, or simply scrolling through memes. Under the guise of self-improvement, the content they come across slowly slips in more and more harmful messages until even the most hateful ideas start to feel normal.
Once they click, the algorithms take over. When researchers at Dublin City University set up accounts posing as teenage boys, every single one was shown manosphere videos within half an hour. After a few hours of scrolling, about three-quarters of the recommended content was toxic.
Younger men and teenage boys are especially vulnerable, since they spend so much time online and are still figuring out who they are. The effects are already showing. A global survey by Ipsos and King’s College London found that 31% of Gen Z men agree a wife should always obey her husband. Nearly a quarter also said women shouldn’t appear too independent.
Ironically, many of these podcasts and creators promise to help men build better relationships. In reality, the beliefs they spread tend to push women away. That same survey found that only 18% of Gen Z women agreed that wives should obey their husbands, which shows just how far apart the two sides have grown.
The woman in this story feels the same way about her fiancé. She can’t believe that the man she met at a rally fighting for the opposite cause has changed so much. Ever since he found his new friends, he’s been praising traditional gender roles and hinting that a wife should quit her job once she’s married.
His talk about “purity” has made things even worse, along with his claims that his former flatmates should “go back” to be among “their own kind,” even though they were born in the country. After seeing who he’s becoming, she can’t imagine building a future with him.
Do you think she’s right to walk away? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
Readers felt ending the relationship would be the right choice and encouraged her to trust her instincts
The woman later returned with an update and explained how everything went down
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Pascal Küffer / Pexels (not the actual photo)
magnific / Magnific (not the actual photo), ai-assisted image
Readers were proud of her for following through and walking away
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