Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, or so the saying goes. A friend who borrows your style or tries your favorite restaurant gets you one step closer to being besties. They might even pick up a phrase you use and not cause too much concern. It is actually quite sweet, in small doses, between people who care about each other. The keyword there is small.
But when one woman has been watching her friend copy her outfit by outfit, haircut by haircut, and friend group by friend group for years, things get weird. Recently she crossed into territory that even the most generous interpretation of flattery cannot cover. When she was diagnosed with a rare autoimmune condition, her friend decided she probably had it too, and started booking doctor appointments to confirm it. The internet has entered the chat.
If someone copies your style and actions, you’d think they simply admire you
BGStock72 / Envato (not the actual photo)
But one woman started getting the creeps when her friend took imitation a bit too far
sloomstudio / Envato (not the actual photo)
First, the friend copied her clothes, hairstyle, and texting style, but she soon even became obsessed with her fiancé
syda_productions / Magnific (not the actual photo)
When the woman got diagnosed with a very rare autoimmune disease, the friend even claimed to have the same symptoms
Experts warn that this kind of behavior can be indicative of low self-esteem
UKCP-registered psychotherapist Ryan Bennett-Clarke, who specializes in stalking issues, reviewed a situation very similar to this one for The Guardian. In isolation, he noted, any single behavior might seem harmless. The accumulation of all of them together paints a more disturbing picture.
What is happening here is what psychologists call secondary identification, where someone lacks a concrete sense of their own identity and forms an unhealthy attachment to another person, essentially borrowing their life to fill the gaps. It is not flattering. It is, in Bennett-Clarke’s words, parasitic.
She is taking things that do not belong to her- clothes, memories, places, words- and, in doing so, spoiling those experiences for the person they came from. The Power of Positivity also notes that people who copy others to this degree are usually driven by deep insecurity and a fragile or absent sense of self.
Mimicking someone who seems confident and well-liked is a way to borrow an identity when you don’t have a stable one of your own. The social acceptance instinct, the desire to mirror and blend in, is a normal human tendency taken to an extreme that stops being relatable and starts being destabilizing for everyone involved.
vh-studio / Magnific (not the actual photo)
The one-upmanship, especially the inability to celebrate someone else’s wins, points to something more damning. According to Truity, a constant need to outdo others is most commonly associated with narcissistic personality disorder, where conversations become a stage for demonstrating superiority rather than genuine connection.
Fragile self-esteem hiding behind a competitive exterior, a need for admiration, and low empathy that prevents celebration of someone else’s experiences. The diagnosis-shopping for a rare autoimmune condition sits at the intersection of both patterns: an attempt to mirror and an attempt to compete, at the same time, with a disease.
Bennett-Clarke’s practical advice is to take gradual steps back rather than a sudden cut-off, be very selective about what you share, monitor your social media settings, and hold firm to the boundary that you have every right to your own life.
The fear of a smear campaign upon exit is real and worth taking seriously, which is exactly why a slow, undramatic withdrawal tends to be safer than a confrontation. She does not need to know she is being phased out. She just needs to gradually have less access.
Do you think this so-called friend needs a few strong words, or is a complete cut-off the way to go? Share some advice in the comments!
People in the comments agreed that slowly backing off and cutting contact would be the healthiest and safest way forward
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