Bad experiences in the past or a partner’s unusual behavior often cause people, sometimes without any basis, to accuse their significant other of infidelity. While being controlling and distrustful is bad for a relationship, it can still be useful to know some of the signs.
Someone asked “What’s a quiet sign your partner might be cheating?” and people shared their stories. So get comfortable as you scroll through, don’t get too paranoid afterwards, upvote the most interesting examples and be sure to add your own experiences to the comments section down below.
#1
They become weirdly protective of their phone when they never cared before.
theBramf:
This, and I’ve always known it’s the reddest of flags (2nd only to catching them in bed, maybe), and when I saw this happen to me I knew it immediately.
The speed with which they pick up a phone when a notification arrives, how they hold it when looking at it near you, randomly changed their passcode, won’t let you use it to search something real quick, etc…
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#2
If they start accusing you of cheating.
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#3
Their most/ recently used emojis. My ex had some butterflies in his phone and he definitely wasn’t using them with the boys.
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#4
When they suddenly start being cruel to you, trying to pick a fight.
Look for behavioral changes like that or they become unusually nice….
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#5
My ex wife once asked me “would you say you trust me?”. It wasn’t a deep conversation just a fleeting moment while I was cooking and chatting about the day. I of course said yes, I wouldn’t have married you if I didn’t.
Fast forward a few months and you can guess the rest.
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#6
Suddenly not as interested in you.
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#7
Started caring more about their appearance.
Senlab:
That’s exactly what my mother did before cheating on my father. She lost a bunch of weight, got plastic surgery, started dressing very nice. (All paid for by my father btw). Just for her to cheat on him and then accuse him of being a lunatic when he started to suspect she was seeing someone else.
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#8
Them touching you less. Less hand holding, cuddling, flirt touching. Less intimacy. So they might not go to bed right when you do. Or want to be in the bathroom while you shower. They might not want to do things together, like grocery trips or getting dinner. I find cheaters pull away small first and then it gets bigger.
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#9
Once you start suspecting.
Huck68finn:
Exactly. There’s a sixth sense that tells you. Usually people brush it off —-but it’s confirmed months later.
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#10
As someone that has cheated, projecting and anger are flags. Usually their are justifications but cheating is not the answer. Projection is caused by guilt. Yes also overly protective of phone. Loss of connection and detachment was and zero intimacy were always my excuses for cheating but these can be a flag as well.
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#11
I knew because my boyfriend at the time was being extra nice. I could see he felt guilty and was trying to make himself feel better.
Select-Medium-8116:
When my dad cheated on my mother, he always did extra nice things for her. Like randomly ordered a 50 rose bouquet, taking her to fancy dinners for no reason.
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#12
Schedule changes that don’t quite add up.
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#13
When there’s chunks of time where they aren’t exactly accounted for. For example, “work took longer than usual.”
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#14
My ex started telling me about a supposed male friend he had that had been cheating on his girlfriend and asked me what i though about it. He said his supposed friend was unsure whether to leave his current girlfriend for the other girl or not.
The whole time the “friend” was himself lmfao. He was hoping i’d say i was ok with a situation like that just so he could tell me something along the lines of “well, you can’t get mad at me, you seemed to be ok with it when it was about someone else”.
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#15
I think most of these signs are more well discussed tbh.
A seemingly insignificant thing I noticed: suddenly listening to certain songs/artists on repeat, when it’s not a new discovery.
Granted, I’m nearing 40, I get into moods where I’m listening to a band I loved a long time ago for a while and then drop off on it. But something about my last relationship…the change in his playlist made me think “he’s talking to his ex again” and boy oh boy was I correct.
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#16
Subtle one, if she buys all new underwear.
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#17
New tricks and requests in bed.
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#18
Energy Shift: A decrease in intimacy, shorter conversations, and a lack of emotional connection.
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#19
They suddenly have an unexplained boost in confidence.
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#20
When you make a reddit post asking about the sign.
Confident_Drink_7195:
Yup, if you have to ask a group of strangers
Vivid_Baseball7426:
Nobody goes looking for ghosts unless they’ve already heard the floorboards creaking.
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#21
When they suddenly start shaving their [private parts] when they never did that ever before.
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#22
In my case it was her sitting over on a separate side chair instead of on the couch with me. I only remembered this in hindsight after our marriage broke up. She was sending disappearing messages to him and didn’t want me to be near while she was doing it.
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#23
They mention the affair partner more often than before, regardless if positive or negative.
If they ask you about them and if you don’t mind that they’re friends with them or similar, they’re [sleeping together].
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#24
If very nice to you all of a sudden, it’s their ex. If they’re nasty all of a sudden, it’s someone new.
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#25
Running out to do some errand or go to the gym etc., and gone much longer than seems reasonable.
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#26
If you’re beside them, they hold their phone at an angle so you can’t see the screen. They put it face down if they ever set it down. They’re constantly going to the gym but never seem to make any gains. Unexplained bruises on their thighs that look like 4 fingers on one side, a thumb on the other. They suddenly change their grooming habits. They suddenly listen to music completely outside their normal genre.
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#27
Always agreeing with your ideas, rarely arguing with you and letting you win all the time. Going along with everything you do.
They don’t want you to look into them so they avoid conflict like the plaque.
Every 3 months my ex would lose it at me, and bring up everything he had a problem with and it stunned me because we had already spoken about everything he brought up, he agreed, what was his problem months later? His problem was his listening, comprehension and loyalty skills.
Always deflecting. Everything is a personal attack.
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#28
They stop sharing random little details about their day. Conversations feel surface level, like you’re talking to a coworker instead of your partner. You notice they’re suddenly “too tired” or “too busy” for things you used to do together, but somehow they still have energy for everything else. Also, that subtle defensiveness hits different. You ask a normal question and it turns into “why are you interrogating me?” It’s not one big red flag… it’s a bunch of small things that slowly make you feel like a stranger in your own relationship.
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#29
They have friends they won’t introduce or get uncomfortable if you suggest meeting.
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#30
It’s textbook stuff, like everyone else has been saying.
1.protective over phone when they never used to be
2.change passwords in devices
3.quite often in early stages they will mention the person and ask your opinion on them
4.being more social/out more
5.wearing things they never usually would
6. Updating underwear
7. Shaving down below more often(in the case of a woman cheating).
Image source: henryauron
#31
Sudden distance. My ex was “good” for the first few months, and then out of the blue he suddenly became distant and switched up on me — this went on for months until the end of our relationship. We ended because I saw a picture of him with someone else, but it was only very recently that I found he was cheating on me throughout the entirety of our relationship, with multiple women. Always trust your intuition, you almost always already know.
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#32
When they start taking a few minutes sitting in the driveway after work instead of parking and coming straight inside. They are deleting messages and double checking their phone.
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#33
For “older”people, when they text you and start using new phrases or emojis. Things that were never characteristic of how they always used to text you. A small thing but they’re picking it up from someone else.
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#34
Don’t care about resolving issues, they just shrug it off.
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#35
You become the only “I love you” initiator and the way they say “I love you too” has a new inflection.
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#36
Consistent gaps in time after work without you or the kids. If someone really loves you they can’t wait to get home.
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#37
Secret phone calls. My ex started taking calls in the bedroom when we’d never hidden anything like that before.
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#38
Texting a lot.
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#39
My sister, a bit of a narcissist, had a storybook marriage to a fantastic guy, her high school sweetheart. Family man and attorney who adored his wife and kids. Never had vices, and walked through the door every night by 6:00.
Then they moved into a neighborhood that was populated with some people who were just had a…vibe. I have good radar, and I was never comfortable around them. They were all just a little too chummy in way too short a period of time. Okay. Creepy was the word I’d use.
My wife hung out with this coven of neighborhood wives a few times at the country club pool, which they all frequented. But she stopped going because she was uncomfortable with the conversation being a nonstop trashing of their husbands. You know, the guys who were toiling away at the office to pay for their nice homes and indolent lifestyle.
And suddenly, my sister was going on beach weekends with the girls all the time, leaving my BIL at home with the kids.
Maybe my BIL was too nice. Hey, my wife goes to the beach with her friends about once a year. But twice a month? I’d be having major issues with that, especially if she were marooning me with the kids.
I knew she was cheating when she started enthusing about cigarette boat racing at the beach. How she loved riding on them, blah blah blah. You’d have to know my sister. She’s never been interested in racing or anything with an engine.
My clueless BIL had zero idea that anything was going on.
Finally, my sister and I went out to LA to visit our other brother. Oh, and she dragged two of her horrible friends with her. My brother threw a big party and my sister and her friends had way too much to drink, to the point of being obnoxious. One of her friends dragged me to a corner of the room to confess to me that she’d been working on my sister to leave Allen for someone more exciting.
“You’re messing with someone’s family. Like it’s entertainment to you.”
And somehow, to my sister and her friends, I’m the bad person for saying that.
The rest of that weekend was pretty frosty. When we returned, my BIL called me up and wanted to know what happened out in LA.
My reply? “I’m not going to rat out my sister, but you need to tighten the reins on her. Pronto.”
“I’m afraid I’ll lose her.”
“You’re going to if you don’t.”
Then I told him to hire a detective. He did and while I didn’t learn what was found out in the investigation, the divorce happened pretty quickly after that.
She wound up breaking up the marriage of a dumb redneck who moved in with her, never married her, and never wants to leave his easy chair. She’s still working her fingers to the bone at age 69. Meanwhile my BIL wound up marrying a pretty fantastic woman.
Yeah, I know it’s long. It feels like therapy.
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#40
Mentioning someone specific and being like “they suck” then a little while later being neutral and then like “you know, they are just a good person” – in reality they were interested the whole time.
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#41
It can be tough to spot, but changes in routine or suddenly being more secretive with their phone can be red flags. Trust your gut, bro.
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#42
They stop smacking your bottom every time they walk behind you.
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#43
Small ones both my cheaters did:
Decided they wanted to lose weight (look good for the new guy)
New clothes, more primping before work.
New taste in music.
Taking their phone into the bathroom, plus more frequent trips to the bathroom.
Less interest in texting talking and sitting together at home. When we did hang out cuddling watching tv, more fidgeting, foot rocking.
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#44
•New friends and/or changed opinion of the wider friend group of one or two old friends in particular if they used to dislike their other friends.
•Showering right away after getting home.
•Spending a bunch more time on their phone using previously eschewed apps, especially those that auto delete chats or pictures.
•Newly busy, devoted to a hobby or activity and at times that formerly were usually spent with you. Always exuberant when they return.
•Second calculator app on their phone.
•Sudden increased knowledge and competence in device usage and security. Stops sharing deep access passcodes.
•No longer relies on you for IT troubleshooting with their devices where before you were the go to for these.
•No caller id, instead of No Caller ID.
•New tricks in bed, no easy explaination of their origin.
•Apathy, disdain and contempt creeping in, usually starting as them being just a little slower to be on your side and more framing of you as at fault in your stories of past events.
•More criticism, less support. More agreement with others about your faults, eventually in public.
•Coming to another’s defence with a speed formerly reserved for you, while overlooking or excusing flaws or faults.
•Tollerance of self destructive behaviours, like street fights, and allowing their progression to extremes without ultimatum, intervention or breakup of the relationship.
•A new friend says to you that they know your partner better than you possibly could.
•On your part: chronic pain, inflammation, emotional instability, fatigue, poor memory function, sudden cognitive decline, unexplained black outs or missing chunks from memory.
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#45
You know that “satisfied” vibe your partner gives after spending a lot of time with you and they’re ready to do their own thing?
When they seem to get to that point noticably quicker than before.
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#46
Just about any weird, sudden, and unexplainable change in behavior.
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#47
Sometimes they can be nice, so nice. He’s sweet, responsible, and makes you feel like you’re the one. But still, something in you feels like something is wrong. Even though you’re being treated right, something just doesn’t sit well.
Always trust your instincts, no matter how good or beautiful things seem. Because mine was like that, I didn’t have any reason to doubt him, but something in me kept telling me that something was going on. And I felt bad for feeling that way because he was good to me.
Turns out, I was right. My instincts were right all along. I found out he had a dummy account, and he’d been cheating throughout our entire relationship. And he still tried to manipulate me. What an AH.
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#48
They start showing you more physical affection than usual (the affair gives them energy).
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#49
They will bring up red flags in other people just to see how you respond. Then eventually will do things to make you act out and mention said red flags to be like “see you’re acting like someone whos cheating”.
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#50
He starts being vague of his whereabouts and who he is with. Showing less interest in you and say thing subtly to compare you with others. They start doing new things in bed.
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#51
Three weeks before she broke up with me.
1. In her dorm there was a giant poster of us that we had taken. She took it down and when I visited her and asked about it she gave some [nonsense] excuse about room inspections
I accepted it but it felt weird because that was the only thing she had taken down.
2. The next time I come to her dorm I notice flowers. I didn’t think to ask but I do know that she is not one to just treat herself to flowers… it was kind of a suspicious thing to me.
3. Her breakup excuse was kind of weird I’m leaning toward she was mainly trying to let me down easy but we both always had stuff going on so just the workload didn’t feel like the real reason.
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#52
Working a lot of overtime and the weekends.
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#53
Things you used to say or do that would royally piss her off she now has no reaction to.
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#54
Talking about somebody else regularly. They’re thinking about that person more than they should be.
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#55
Betrayal is almost never quiet! Change of style, change of routine, withdrawing physically/emotionally, stories never adding up, changes to spending money, needing more time/space outside of the house, coming home late, texting/phone habits… picking fights for no reason is my fave lol. The list goes on and on.
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#56
When they start being rude to you, or get set off easily.
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#57
They’re always on their phone but don’t text you as much, and when they do text you it’s like they don’t care. Also the showers/baths, all of a sudden they’re showering/bathing before they see you. Small fights turn into big fights.
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#58
In addition to things like secret phone calls and unprompted accusations, it was that he stopped wanting to cuddle at night, started facing away instead of spooning. 7-year marriage was over within the month.
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#59
The sudden, aggressive ‘love bombing’ out of nowhere. 🚩 If they’ve been distant or just ‘normal’ and suddenly start acting like a hopeless romantic.. buying random gifts, being extra clingy, and overcompensating with affection, it’s usually guilt.
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#60
Stop calling you as much. Stop showing up for things they normally would or spend less time at regularly scheduled things with you. Start spending a lot of time with someone they never did before. Get annoyed with you and/or don’t offer much explanation when you ask why they are spending so much time with another person.
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#61
When you suggest they get tested for STIs and they get defensive and twist it back on you.
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