Many people often treat dating like a game when they are younger, with the goal of going out with as many potential partners as possible. This idea tends to transform as folks get older because their priorities also change with time.
For a lot of folks, once they turn middle-aged, they become more secure in themselves and can figure out what kind of partner best suits them. That’s why someone asked single people over forty what the dating landscape is actually like for them, and the answers are quite shocking.
More info: Reddit
#1
I lost my husband at 50 and I dated in 2019. It was awful and then came Covid. I had sold our house and moved to a new apartment complex. I was so isolated the building wasn’t even full but the guy above me was always walking around which somehow comforted me. We ran into each other on the stairs sometimes, masked. We were like the only 2 who didn’t use the elevator because the place was full of mask holes and I used to call the elevator the Covid express.
Summer finally came I was on my deck he was in the courtyard grilling. He said hey if you come down here I’ll make you a margarita. I went down and the rest is history. Very lucky for me because I didn’t think I’d go back to dating after shutdown ended. I didn’t have to.
Image source: daisysharper, freepik
#2
Hi I’m Ray, My wife and I have an open relationship because we’re too afraid to get a divorce. BTW I can only see you between 8:00am – 8:15am at the Pancake house on Monday mornings according to our rules.
Image source: opt_out_unicorn, freepik
#3
I am on Reddit. I will be on Reddit tomorrow night. And the night after that.
I have answered your question.
Image source: ph33randloathing, benzoix
#4
Seems to be very location dependent.
I’m in NYC and it’s a lot of fun. There are tons of single, wonderful women in their thirties and forties who maybe prioritized other things earlier in life or refused to settle for less than a great match or moved on from one that wasn’t working for them.
Even when something isn’t a romantic spark, I still enjoy checking out a new spot and getting to know someone on a slightly more intimate level who you never would have crossed paths with otherwise.
Image source: cryptopo, freepik
#5
Well, it’s not pouring into my apartment like my introverted self thought it would.
Image source: Icameforthenachos, lookstudio
#6
Tough, and even tougher for someone who doesn’t want kids, or to be involved with other people’s kids.
Image source: whatisthislifeilead, EyeEm
#7
Female, 40, Los Angeles. The apps are full of boring guys who all have photos of themselves at the Dodgers game. And they’re all like “What is the absolute bare minimum I have to do in order for you to pay attention to my private parts?”
I talked to a male coworker (49) the other day, and from his side, he says all the ladies are like “What do you do for a living and how much money do you have? If you’re not taking me out for a fancy meal, I’m not interested.”
I’m fine being single if that’s what I’d have to settle for.
Image source: dough_eating_squid, rawpixel.com
#8
It’s fun. You can interact with lots of interesting people. I’ve met some really nice women and some real awful human beings. So you either have a nice time or a good story, it’s a win win. Dinners get expensive, but that’s the cost of participating.
Image source: mushmu77, freepik
#9
I know a rich widower in his 60’s who is having a great time dating, so I guess it’s ok for rich people.
Image source: LateralEntry, freepik
#10
It’s the island of misfit Toys out there.
Image source: MonchichiSalt, benzoix
#11
You don’t want to be out there.
Image source: kickerofelves86, freepik
#12
I don’t even try.
Image source: Cyberhwk, freepik
#13
There are five options. None of them good:
A) Dating divorced people and navigating a minefield of post-marriage baggage.
B) Dating people you’re not really attracted to physically or emotionally and there’s definitely a reason they’re still single.
C) Trying to convince your ex(s) to get back together and ignore all the trauma you’ve caused each other.
D) Being the creepy person always hitting on people 10+ years younger than you.
E) Stay single forever.
Image source: WasabiGloomy2109, prostock-studio
#14
The fact that I am a man in my 50’s living alone in a rented townhouse with a cat is really all you need to know. .
Image source: Loudly_Meditating, freepik
#15
Honestly I stopped even trying. It was messing with my mental health. I realized that I was so desperate for peoples approval, for someone to validate that I’m worthy that I was changing who I was. I now changed my mindset and make sure to enjoy my single years. Travel, explore, have random adventures. There is a freedom in solitude that some people would find scary.
Image source: cursethesunlight, mart production
#16
My dating pool pretty much consists of divorced women and/or single moms. Their previous relationships have traumatized them so much that they are mostly avoidant and are too afraid to be vulnerable or trust that I’m not going to jeopardize their independence.
Image source: TVs_Tandberg_G, EyeEm
#17
I actually found it easier at 45. By that age, people are more mature and there’s a lot less game-playing. When both people can communicate like adults and clearly express their wants and needs, relationships become so much better than they ever were in your 20s.
That’s when I met my second wife. We’ve been together nearly 10 years and married for 3, and we’ve never once raised our voices at each other. We still have our differences, but with mutual respect and maturity we can talk about anything and always reach a loving, reasonable conclusion.
It’s completely different from when I was younger — and honestly, so much better. So yes, for me, dating and finding love at 45 was actually a lot easier.
Image source: Westfield-flyer, rawpixel.com
#18
I’m late 30s guy, going through divorce, been dating for about 3 months. It’s honestly a great time, you get to swap stories of bad relationships, make some good friends, and have some fun along the way. I’ve found that women love a stable man who can carry a conversation, if you can just talk like a normal person for a few hours dating is a blast!
People in this comment section are way too down on an awesome phase in life!
Image source: PutYourCheeksIntoIt, garetsvisual
#19
As my dates approached 40, the urgency to close the deal and start a family got more and more intense. Everyone was on a tight schedule to declare go/no-go. After that, they suddenly went super chill, already had whatever career/house/family they wanted and just cared about good hangs.
Image source: captcha_wave, marymarkevich
#20
We have cats and don’t leave the house.
Image source: Wild-Environment-426, ArthurHidden
#21
I wouldn’t know. I’ve tried, but being liberal and athiest in rural Arkansas is… lonely.
Also, I’m widowed with two teenagers, so I’m not exactly baggage-free.
Image source: PiercedGeek, EyeEm
#22
Not 40 yet but close. I was told men age better but all the women my age and older are beautiful and still look amazing and the men, not so much.
Image source: catcatmewow, shurkin_son
#23
Well…. dating over 40 feels like two “time travelers” trying to flirt while coming from completely different centuries.
Half the people are still using early 2000 dating instincts, like “Hey, want to grab coffee and actually talk?”
And the other half have fully evolved into
“Please upload three forms of emotional validation, proof of hobbies, and a resume of past traumas.”
You sit there remembering a time when you just met people… in real life, by accident, without algorithms…
and suddenly you realize the scariest part of dating over 40 isn’t being single.
It is realizing we all got older, but the world around us changed even faster.
Image source: Remarkable_Training9, svetlanasokolova
#24
So far, I’ve only been encountering emotionally unavailable men. The lesson I had to learn is to release them back into the wild quickly. I haven’t been able to find any secure men.
Image source: Sludgecupcake, freepik
#25
There is no dating. There is no world.
My doctor was trying to convince me to get tested for STDs today.
I just laughed.
Image source: ttttunos, gpointstudio
#26
I just dream at this point.
Image source: PimoCrypto777, benzoix
#27
There’s so much negativity in here about dealing with the “baggage” that people have. While I know sometimes this manifests as something negative, I’ve found if you meet a well adjusted person and you don’t outright dismiss their experiences, these are sometimes the people that actually went through enough to know what they actually want in a relationship. Straight forward, no “testing” people, adjusted to what the need from a relationship, as well as understanding their boundaries.
Image source: rolfraikou, freepik
#28
I appear to be one of the very few people who had an overall positive experience with online dating. I don’t know why. Just an average looking guy with no money but I had no trouble finding dates. Most turned into nothing, but some turned into flings or something more. Many of those which turned into nothing were also a good experience. Interesting conversations with people I would not have met otherwise.
Image source: seemonkey, freepik
#29
The what now? dating world? lol, theres no such thing – just apps, populated only with bots and the occasional scammer.
Image source: potensimo
#30
My friends and I are in our 50s. The men want youth and beauty and want women in their 40s. And as they age, they won’t raise those numbers much. The women want stability. The men don’t have to be rich, but they need to have decent jobs. And they want height. They could be tiny themselves, but they’ll pass up a great guy because he’s not tall.
Image source: MoonieNine, freepik
#31
Set the bar low…wait…lower…mmmm…little bit loooowwwer. There you go. Right there.
Image source: Silverfoxtrap
#32
Every single woman out there has in their head an image of the perfect guy, and I look like none of them.
Image source: Thin-Rip-3686, freepik
#33
Garbage.
People want you to change everything about yourself to be the one for them, but won’t change a thing for you.
And I mean even little things.
Image source: Mussels84
Follow Us
