Simple.
Keep it G rated.
#1
Kid: “So you got an 80 on the test? That’s sad.”
Me: “Well, you know what else is sad? Your face!”
Yeah…haven’t been allowed to forget that thanks to my friends.
#2
We were at a small house party for a classmates 16th birthday.
Quite possibly the prettiest girl in all of County Mayo asked my friend, ‘Sooo d’ya like seafood?… because I can be quite the catch!
My friend, oblivious to the strange and mysterious ways of courtship, didn’t realise what she meant, so he just replied, ‘I like some things, but I can’t stand clams!’
After a quick facepalm, and telling him he’s a complete eeijit we explained that she was flirting. It all worked out ok because it seemed she preferred a wet drip!
#3
I’m 40 work at a so called professional building and I have a career. One day I walked in wearing my glasses. A douchebag coworker kept calling me 4 eyes. It was so childish and idiotic but he kept at it. I finally told him in front of everyone that I slept with his wife. ( Thank you Larry David or who ever in Seinfeld writing crew who came up with that line)
#4
I asked my manager for something at work.
His reply was jokingly “No”
I said “Pleeeeease?” in the most high-pitched, babyish voice ever.
He didn’t say anything but I cringe every time I think about it.
#5
“Your comeback was so bad, it didn’t even come back!”
#6
2 REALLY nerdy pickup lines.
Are you Copper and Tellerium, because you are CuTe.
And
Are you made of Fluorine, Iodine, and Neon? Because you’re F-I-Ne.
#7
“Your eyes are cute”
“Y-you too.”
#8
Some one said to me your ugly I replyed ok what are you.
#9
Ya like jazz?
#10
I like my basket ball shots like I like my girls~ on the rebound
#11
Hey [previous crush’s name], last name beautiful.
No, I hadn’t asked a girl out before. This was horrible, I’m better at roasts lol
#12
This isn’t mine but lets see who gets it “I don’t like sand, it’s coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere”
#13
Them: I only have two brain cells that work together for a brain.
Me: who said you had brain cells
I know it’s lame but i was on the spot
#14
One night at a rock club I was being hit on randomly here and there an just wanted to be able to get a drink an enjoy the show. I went with friends and was single at the time. So douch 5-6 or so comes up from behind me an goes “hey do I know you from somewhere?” I Didn’t turn but said “I don’t know. Have we f-ed before?” Hyper cringe but wound up dating him for about 6 months because he was cute. But then found out he was married an I didn’t want that drama.
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