The Top 20 Quagmire Pick Up Lines of All-Time

The Top 20 Quagmire Pick Up Lines of All-Time

In a long line of offensive cartoon characters, Glenn Quagmire of “The Family Guy” is arguably one of the worst. There’s no doubt that he’s a funny character and brings a very lighthearted quality to the show, but his behavior towards women is so over the top that many people can’t help but laugh, while others might go so far as writing the FCC in an attempt to get the show shut down. Quagmire pick up lines have become a part of the show that many fans have actually come to expect, meaning that his crude, playboy behavior has actually won a lot of people over.

Here are Quagmire’s top 20 pickup lines

20. My feet are getting cold ’cause you knocked my socks off!

On the scale of good to bad, this is pretty tame.

19. I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?

This one might be inviting trouble, unless you like that kind of thing.

18. If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me?

This is an oldie that takes timing and caution.

17. Do you believe in love at first sight? If not I’ll walk by again.

If at first you don’t succeed…

16. Hi, I make more money than you can spend.

This has yet to be fully proven for any man.

15. Can I get some fries to go with that shake?

Proceed with caution if you use this one.

14. That dress would look great on the floor next to my bed.

This might be for the most brave and daring among men.

13. Beauty is only a light switch away.

Caution, do not use, as this can invite bodily harm.

12. Hi, my name is Chance. Do I have one?

This is fairly innocent and quite goofy, but usable.

11. Can I see your tan lines?

Warning, use with caution.

10. Can I borrow your library card? I want to check you out.

This might be met with an eye roll and a sarcastic comment.

9. Can you count? Then you better count on spending the night.

This sounds almost creepy and foreboding.

8. Nice dress. Can I talk you out of it?

A few drinks and some smooth talking might make this one work.

7. I think I could fall madly in bed with you.

Say this quickly enough and it might just work.

6. You look like my next girlfriend.

Just make sure you don’t say this around your current girlfriend.

5. I lost my phone number. Can I have yours?

This might have worked a couple of decades ago, before the rise of smart phones.

4. Pardon me, are you a screamer or a moaner?

Use only with caution.

3. If I were you I’d do me.

Confidence level=supreme.

2. Nice pants, can I test the zipper?

Don’t wear nice clothes as liquid rejection may be applied.

1. I’d look good on you.

When spoken smoothly enough results may vary.

Some of us might have known a few people in life that are this brazen and have seemingly no fear of approaching the opposite sex with such outrageous lines, but some of these simply seem to beg for a hand to the face. If you’re anything like Quagmire then these lines might make perfect sense, but for the average person, these lines are hilarious, but they should also come with a warning sign.

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