Preacher Pilot Review: 9 Kinds Of Funny And Crazy

So, Preacher just premiered on amc. And it was one helluva bloody ride. I still cannot believe some of what Preacher showed me. It’s vulgar, it’s bloody, it’s over-the-top funny and it is blasphemous beyond bounds. Seriously, if you thought Lucifer was bad, then please don’t watch this show. This is ten times more offensive. After all, Jesse wants to find God and punish him. And of course, the church signs saying “Open Your Ass And Holes To Jesus” and “Repent Because God Is Cumming”. I mean, that is never before seen on TV stuff.

Anyways, so we start off in Africa where a preacher be preachin’. All of sudden, something hits him and ho goes all holy. Then he explodes in a shower of blood. Looks like we’re off to a great start. Cut to Jesse doing a frankly terrible job of giving a sermon. It’s obvious he wasn’t cut out for this kind of stuff. Some things to note here: Jesse’s father was a preacher, and apparently the reason that Jesse became one himself. The other thing is that Jesse is a hard drinker. So he should really hit off with Cassidy.

Then this boy comes up to him and tells him that his dad abuses his mom. Now, he wants Jesse to kick his dad’s ass, because ‘he did things before he came to Annville.’ Jesse tells him that violence breeds violence and nothing good comes of it. That’s classic preacher talk. So I don’t know if Jesse is a good preacher or not. I’d settle with calling him a man of values. Since he does report the abuse to the sherrif, I think he just doesn’t want trouble.

Now this is where the show gets really crazy and really bloody. Cassidy, the Irish Vampire is on a plane chatting up his buddies. Suddenly, he finds a desecrated bible and goes all nuclear on his buddies. Apparently, they’re some sort of vampire hunters. Because all of a sudden there’s medieval weapons everywhere. Seriously, where the hell did those weapons come from? Well, Cassidy murders them all with their own weapons and one with a wine bottle. Then someone has the guts to pour holy water on him. Cassidy is not impressed so he drinks him. I mean literally drinks him up. Then he jumps out of the plane with a frickin’ umbrella. This vampire is nuts.

Meanwhile Tulip who’s Jesse’s ex-girlfriend is shown in Kansas being attacked by someone she had kidnapped. There is one long action sequence where she bites off the man’s ear and then kills him or knocks him out with some corn. Then she invades some kids’ home, builds a bazooka with them, blows up a helicopter then drives away. I am starting to like this girl.

Cut to Cassidy lying down on the ground with all his entrails lying out. I was really disguted by that but then he baits a cow to come closer and eats it whole. Somehow eating a cow regenerates him since he’s seen later on with his entrails tucked safely inside his perfectly unscratched body.

Of course, now Jesse’s not gonna let a woman get abused by someone. So he confronts her and asks for a confession. Turns out she’s into that kind of kinky stuff. The look on Jesse’s face is priceless.

Then Jesse has a talk with Tulip. Tulip wants him to go on a job with her. But Jesse wants to continue being a damn preacher. He tells her that he doesn’t like her anymore. She tells him that “We are who we are.”

Meanwhile two more people spontaneously explode. One of them is Tom Cruise and I’m surprised the world isn’t mourning about the end of the Mission Impossible movies. Then Jesse talks with someone who’s deformation makes him either a future superhero or a supervillain. He tells the guy that God will forgive anyone. I think Jesse wants to believe that he can be forgiven for whatever he’s done. We still don’t know what that is.

Jesse finally meets Cassidy, then the kid’s father comes in and beats up Cassidy. After telling him that he’ll hurt the kid, he angers Jesse who beats him to a pulp and breaks his arm. So that’s what Jesse wants forgiveness for his. But if he wants forgiveness, why does he keep doing it eh?

Finally, he decides that he can’t be a preacher anymore since he’s terrible at it. I call this the best decision he’s ever made. Let’s get to finding God, shall we? So he sees activity in the church goes, in lights a smoke, prays forgiveness and BOOM! Genesis comes in and possesses him and knocks him out.

He wakes up, goes to his final sermon then decides to just talk instead. Then he decides to resume being a preacher. He thinks this town deserves someone better and that he can be that someone. It’s basically a promise to the town that he will protect them and deliver justice where necessary.

Oh and did I mention that before he went to his sermon, he told the guy who’d been pestering him to ‘open his heart and tell his mother what he feels’. So he goes to her, tells her what he feels then opens up his heart. And I mean he literally cuts his heart out. Preacher has a dark sense of humor.

Preacher airs Sundays at 10/9c on amc.