Boundaries and consent are fundamental parts of any healthy relationship—including with your family members. People who care about you will respect your parenting choices and boundaries, and those of your children. Especially if there are health concerns involved.
Mom Haeli Christiansen (@haeli.christiansen) went viral on TikTok and sparked a massive discussion after sharing a humorous video about consent, in which she gently slaps her mother to remind her not to kiss her newborn. Scroll down to watch the video and to read the internet’s reactions.
Bored Panda has reached out to Christiansen for comment via email, and we’ll update the article as soon as we hear back from her.
One mom shared a video online of her ‘gentle reminder’ for the baby’s grandma not to kiss him
Image credits: haeli.christiansen
You can watch the full clip right here
The video went massively viral online and sparked a major discussion about boundaries and consent
The video made a huge splash online. At the time of writing, Christiansen’s video garnered 11 million views, 761.6k likes, 14k bookmarks, 41.8k reshares, and nearly 4k comments on TikTok.
In an interview with People magazine, the mom explained exactly why she had a boundary about relatives not kissing her newborn.
“My husband and I made the decision to not have extended family or friends kiss our newborn for the first few months after birth because he was born in the middle of ‘sick season’ and newborns don’t have an immune system. A common cold for adults could land a newborn in the hospital and be a life-threatening situation,” Christiansen told People.
“When I was a baby, I was hospitalized twice on two separate occasions from family kissing me without realizing they were sick. So my mom is actually one of the biggest advocates for not kissing my baby herself. Before he was born, she emphasized to me that I shouldn’t let people kiss him from her experience with me. She has been very supportive,” she explained.
According to the mom, she was shocked to see her video sparking such a huge discussion online. She found it surprising that “so many people in the comments” had such strong opinions. Meanwhile, she stressed that none of her family members had any issues with her asking them not to kiss the newborn for the first few months.
“A lot of people said I was a bad mom, ruining my baby’s life or that we didn’t deserve support or love from family if they weren’t allowed to kiss him. It seems like a much deeper conversation that can’t be had in TikTok comments,” she added.
The mom pointed out that the relationship between her baby and his grandmother is great. “My mom loves him. She would drop everything to help us and babysit despite what a lot of the comments suggested. She lives out of state and is considering selling her house to move closer to us to be able to help out, too,” she opened up to People magazine.
It might seem obvious to most of us, but it still needs to be pointed out: she doesn’t actually go around slapping her mom. She made the video for the sake of humor.
“Though there is a layer of truth (not wanting people to kiss my baby right now), the video was obviously a joke. I don’t slap my mom, and she has a great relationship with me and my son. We made the video and laughed about it, thinking it would maybe get a few hundred views and that it would be relatable to new moms…not spark the massive debate that it has!”
As the clip continued to get millions and millions of views online, people shared their thoughts. Some came out in support of the mom’s stance
Others, however, were more critical of the clip
Boundaries, consent, and body autonomy are all vital topics that you may want to teach your children from an early age
Having and enforcing boundaries doesn’t mean that you don’t love someone. Boundaries help you protect your needs and well-being. They lead to clear communication and, hopefully, more trust and respect.
As Today’s Parent explains, talking about consent with your child can be difficult. If they have trouble asserting their boundaries when it comes to physical contact, you can speak on their behalf. Obviously, the parents’ words are final when they’re protecting their newborns, who don’t have the capacity to advocate for themselves yet.
You can slowly teach them about the importance of saying ‘no’ to physical affection if they feel uncomfortable. Consent and boundaries go both ways, however. As part of those lessons, you can also teach your child to respect other children’s and adults’ physical boundaries by respecting them when they say ‘no’ and looking at their body language for signs of discomfort.
Meanwhile, More Than Grand stresses the importance of grandparents respecting their grandchildren’s body autonomy.
“It may seem like a way for parents to try to impose silly rules, but they’ve got extremely good reasons for this request. Body autonomy is the idea that each person has a right to decide what happens to their body without pressure or persuasion from anyone else. It’s important that children be taught to understand this concept from the earliest age.”
Some grandparents might subconsciously teach their grandkids to ignore body autonomy when they hug and kiss them, even when they don’t want physical affection.
“When your grandchild is a baby, it’s the parents whose permission you need. A grandchild is not a possession that you have a claim on. Always ask parents before picking up, holding, or kissing their baby. Some parents may be uncomfortable with anyone else changing their baby’s diaper or giving them a bath. Parents are more fearful about potential dangers to their babies than in past generations, and it’s important for grandparents not to brush that aside,” More Than Grand notes. Later, once the child is self-aware and verbal, you can ask them for permission.
In some cases, grandparents need time to adjust their behavior as they learn to navigate new parental trends
However, on the flip side, The Atlantic notes that this can be taken a bit too far. According to Kerry Byrne, the founder of the Long Distance Grandparent, nowadays, grandparents have lots of different rules to follow. From how to greet their children to what words to use around them, what foods they can eat, what their screen-time limits are, etc.
Byrne told The Atlantic that some parents have “gone wild with boundaries,” leading to “grandparenting on eggshells,” which can be confusing and “emotionally wearing” for grandparents.
Meanwhile, psychologist and parenting expert Anita Stewart noted that too much focus on consent and giving people space might give children the idea that all physical touch is to be avoided. She suggests that parents should allow their kids take the lead.
In the meantime, it’s important to remember that it can take grandparents a while to change their habits and behaviors, even if they understand the importance of respecting their grandkids’ body autonomy.
What are your thoughts, Pandas? How do you ensure that your relatives respect your and your children’s boundaries? How do you approach consent and body autonomy? Share your thoughts below.
Later, the mom shared a follow-up video where she went into more detail about her viral clip
Image credits: haeli.christiansen
Image credits: haeli.christiansen
Here is the follow-up video in full
Here’s how some internet users reacted to the second video
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