The 10 Most Disappointing Movies of 2016


As a seasoned writer, it’s difficult to relish in a list like this. Every entry is a failure, a monument to time, talent, and effort that could have been better spent elsewhere. Every potentially good idea is wasted effort, and every movie that I actually wanted to see is two-times as disappointing. However, let’s dive into the 10 most disappointing movies of 2016.


10) Assassin’s Creed

With a star-studded cast, including Jeremy Irons, Marion Cotillard, Brenden Gleeson, and Michael Fassbender, Assassin’s Creed should have been at least passable. The premise is inventive and full of cinematic possibilities. However, it turned out to be as “good” as every other video game adaptation to date, earning its loathsome reputation.


9) The Angry Birds Movie

Despite some high-end vocal talent and impressive computer animation, Angry Birds couldn’t rise above the squalor of its origins. With systemic script troubles, protracted subplots, and weirdly sexualized kids humor, you’d be better off sticking to the games.


8) Suicide Squad

Although there’s a lot to praise about Suicide Squad, studio interference and a weak script killed any chance this movie had to course-correct the floundering DC Cinematic Universe. The cast was universally excellent, but they were given next to nothing to work with while on screen.


7) The Forest

Despite a solid premise and an interesting setting, The Forest was a bland and listless retread of The Blair Witch Project. The few good moments in the film only served to highlight how dull the rest of it was.


6) The Darkness

The Darkness is the worst kind of horror movie: the kind whose characters and situations don’t hold up to their own internal logic. The scares were broadcast well in advance and were completely ineffective at scaring anybody. The characters were sentient plot-points that were whatever the script needed them to be at any given moment. Not one solitary thing about this abysmal movie worked.


5) Jane Got a Gun

Despite its promising story and proven cast, Jane Got a Gun was the most boring movie of 2016. Instead of a no-holds-barred western revenge story, we got a mopey melodrama about a woman who maligned her fiancé and lost her daughter to a brothel owner. Drably shot and glumly acted, there’s nothing to recommend here.


4) The Offering

The Offering is the perfect embodiment of cheaply produced horror genre dregs. Its tired premise lifts the least successful elements from movies like FearDotCom, proving once again that you just can’t make the internet scarier than it already is.


3) Dirty Grandpa

This monstrously unfunny film wastes acting great Robert DeNiro in the same kind of nothing role that Johnny Noxville did better three years ago. He’s an old man who smokes, drinks, and has sex: and that’s it. All the highly-publicized celebrity deaths from the last few years serve to remind us how little time great talents like DeNiro have left, and this is the kind of drivel he spends his time on.


2) Cabin Fever

Cabin Fever is a poorly shot, poorly acted, poorly written, and poorly produced movie without merit of any kind. It is the textbook example of a pointless remake existing only to cash in on a fondly remembered property.


1) How to Be Single

Both unfunny and insultingly stupid, How to Be Single is a truly insufferable piece of cinema. Penned by the dynamic duo behind Valentine’s Day and The Vow, and with additional work done by the mind responsible for What Happens in Vegas and Couple’s Retreat, this was always going to be a hard sell. But when you add on the least charismatic movie “star” working today — Fifty Shades of Grey‘s Dakota Johnson — you end up with a production incapable of rising above its meager framework.

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