When you put James Bond and the word ‘unrealistic’ in the same breath it’s fairly redundant since a lot of the things that happen Bond movies tend to be as unrealistic as they can possibly get since that’s the whole gist of the character, to be as unrealistic as possible since this is what sells the whole movie. But there are moments when even the most dedicated Bond fan should be able to sit back and say ‘really?’ concerning one or more aspects of a Bond movie that appear to be anything but possible. If not for these moments though it’s quite obvious that the movies wouldn’t have continued as long as they have and that the Bond legend would possibly already be dead and gone. Keeping those elements in the story is what helps Bond to keep moving forward, much as he probably will in the years to come, no matter that it might be time to retire the character finally and allow MI6 to continue with a new legend. If that ever happens though one can bet that the ridiculous nature of the movies will continue and only get more out of control.
Here are five of the most unrealistic Bond movies.
5. Moonraker
So what should I comment on first, the fact that a guy with a metal jaw would need to have an exceptionally strong neck and a very brave dentist, or the fact that the movie took place in outer space and there are simply too many points to nitpick? The whole premise of this movie was something that felt like it was drawn up by writers that had somehow forgotten there was an entire world to utilize when making a Bond movie, and that space isn’t exactly the place where you want to be firing off guns and acting the fool. In a big way, it felt like the writers simply got bored and needed something to do.
4. The World is Not Enough
So Bond can pilot an attack boat that’s strong enough to weather a spark-inducing ride through the streets, ram through a wall, and become a submersible? Oh, and let’s not forget that he had time to hold his breath and fix his tie while underwater before popping up again to square off against the bad guys. Then let’s think about the main villain, who could feel no pain and was an interesting challenge, but was easy to provoke since all one had to really do was mention the woman he loved and he’d lose it. And the fact that villains don’t just kill Bond when they have the chance and allow enough time to pass for Bond to escape or have help arrive has gotten a bit old by now, don’t you think?
3. Goldfinger
Has anyone ever hefted a solid gold bar? They’re not quite light enough to lift that easily and considering how soft gold is compared to other metals it’s easy to think that trying to smash something open would leave a huge dent or divot in a gold brick that was strangely absent in this movie. Think about it, Bond would likely be panting and huffing just to lift one and use it to smash something let alone one in each hand to do the same thing. And let’s not forget dear Oddjob, the man with the hat that could decapitate a statue but likely would take his fingers off if that same effect was to be tried in real life.
2. Live and Let Die
So Bond puts a gas pellet into Mr. Big’s mouth and the guy inflates. Is no one else seeing a problem with this when it comes to realism? It might be a funny effect to be certain, but human bodies don’t tend to work this way. We’re not big, stretchy flesh balloon that will simply inflate when we’re pumped full of gas or anything else. On top of that, even if a gas pellet could do this to a body, which it can’t and won’t ever do, the fact that Mr. Big inflated and exploded means we’d be seeing Saw-level gore at the very least since pieces of Mr. Big would be dropping everywhere, giving the shark in the water a meal it might never forget.
1. Die Another Day
An invisible car. Really? Okay so it’s a cool idea, but it’s not practical at all since the car is still going to take up space, still going to emit something that can be traced and tracked, and is still going to be able to…you know what? Never mind because it’s a Bond movie and as unrealistic as it’s going to get, this isn’t even one of the worst gaffes to come along within the franchise. It is cringe-worthy, that much is obvious, but it’s kind of par for the course.
If Bond was real all the time the movies would be kind of boring, to be honest.
