Why Lorelai Gilmore Wasn’t a Model Mother

Why Lorelai Gilmore Wasn’t a Model Mother

Credit: Alamy

In the 2000s, when Gilmore Girls first aired, Lorelai Gilmore was viewed as the “cool and fun mom”. She is easygoing and with a witty and sarcastic personality. Lorelai was understanding towards her daughter Rory and was determined to treat her as an equal. But, in today’s age, fans have taken off some of Lorelai’s shine and labeled her as problematic and most definitely not a model mother.

Fans are saying that she shouldn’t be idealized. What were some of Lorelai’s troubling traits as a single mother living in Stars Hollow?

Lorelai’s narcissistic parenting methods.

It seems like Lorelai shines only when Rory shines, and that’s why she raised her to believe she was so much better than others and no one was as special as her perfect little angel. When such expectations are put on a child, it stops her from finding herself and being authentic. Instead, Rory had to be a Lorelai-approved ideal version of herself.

We got to witness this in Rory’s compulsive behavior to be perfect, so much so, that she has had multiple meltdowns when something doesn’t go her way. Rory always had to do what she thought she was supposed to do, instead of what was true to her. Her need to be perfect came from trying to fill a vacuum.

Did she make Rory lose touch with reality?

Ever since she was born, Rory Gilmore has been told how great she is, and how every milestone she achieves is spectacular. If you look at this from a different perspective, it doesn’t look like a bad thing.

That’s where you’re wrong. Lorelai’s parenting technique led Rory to grow up and believe she’s invincible, and the most hardworking girl there is. Rory did the work, of course, but she most definitely was not Einstein and needed to look at things in a more realistic way.

If she wasn’t raised to believe she was this way, it wouldn’t affect her when Mitchum Huntzberger, Logan’s dad, said she didn’t have what it takes to be in journalism. If she was truly the most intelligent and hardworking girl there is, she would have had no problem pulling herself together, and simply proving him wrong.

Why Lorelai Gilmore Wasn’t a Model Mother

Credit: Netflix

Lorelai depended on Rory more than she should have.

Lorelai always depended on Rory to be her companion, and it hindered Rory’s ability to form other relationships.

This might be glossed over as adorable and sentimental, but in reality, this is problematic. Having this kind of relationship with her mother limited her ability to create her own separate self aside from Lorelai.

When a normal mom sees her kid making an effort and cooking for her boyfriend, she’d be proud that her daughter is expanding and trying out new things, but Lorelai couldn’t even handle that.

Were the people of Stars Hollow just a big fat joke to Lorelai?

Gilmore Girls makes a big fuss about family values, and how after Lorelai escapes the toxic future Richard and Emily had planned for her, the town and people of Stars Hollow were her new and improved family.

However, viewers still got the sense that everyone that isn’t them, or a part of their close circle, was a bit of a joke to her and Rory. We often saw this in their behavior towards Kirk and Taylor Doose.

Lorelai was jealous when her daughter got help elsewhere.

It’s true that everything Rory ever got was handed to her on a silver platter, but whose fault is that? Rory always got what she wanted, and Lorelai always wanted to be the one making it possible.

When Rory went and asked for help from her grandparents, it offended Lorelai. Whenever she would ask for a helping hand from her friends or boyfriends, she’d be jealous that Rory didn’t ask for her help. This seems kind of problematic, doesn’t it?

Lorelai expected everyone to obsess over the perfect Rory.

She portrayed her daughter as the queen of Stars Hollow and how everyone should worship the ground she walks on. After Rory’s graduation, Luke organized a graduation party and straight-up admitted he did it to please Lorelai and make her happy. Does this make Rory a pawn for her own ego?

No human being is perfect and flawless, but in Lorelai’s eyes, Rory was. That’s why whenever her daughter messed up, she would say to her “This isn’t you.”, and “What were you thinking?”

The thing is, Rory Gilmore didn’t know who she was, it was as clear as day. In A Year in The Life, we got to see Rory in her thirties, and even then she has not found herself, is more lost than ever, and is seeking direction.

Why Lorelai Gilmore Wasn’t a Model Mother

Credit: Netflix

Was Rory’s obsession with lists and routines a defense mechanism?

Her mother would always tease her for her need to always be on time and have everything planned and listed. Is it possible that Rory gained these skills because Lorelai lacked them? There were so many times when Rory had to take on the “adult role”.

Obviously, the red flags in Gilmore Girls were somewhat exaggerated for comedic effect. But what kind of a “super mom” didn’t plan an outfit for her daughter’s first day at the new school? She showed up at Chilton dressed completely inappropriately.

Lorelai was always meddling in Rory’s relationships with her boyfriends.

In Gilmore Girls, both Rory and Lorelai had some great love interests. But, Lorelai inserted herself into the relationship whenever Rory had a boyfriend and became too involved.

When Lorelai found out from Mrs. Kim, Lane’s mom, that Rory and Dean were an item and had kissed, she immediately confronted Rory for not telling her, and never really gave her the space to explore her feelings.

She was clear she didn’t like Jess right from the get-go and made sure that Rory knew that. And with Logan, she never thought he was good enough for her, and never supported their relationship.

Start a Discussion

Main Heading Goes Here
Sub Heading Goes Here
No, thank you. I do not want.
100% secure your website.